Hey there weekday warriors,

Just a friendly reminder that you might be having a bad day, but it could be worse, you could have been an early investor in Bitcoin ATMs. Installations of the machines have dropped to a two-year low.

Here’s what we’re getting into today…

• 42 states sue Meta

• Google’s Cloud segment disappoints

• Microsoft’s Cloud segment impresses

Enjoy the next few 4 minutes and 8 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

PS, in case you missed it… after nearly two years at Barstool, The Water Coolest has gone independent (again). And I'm in the driver's seat.

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+ US stocks "closed higher Tuesday as a slew of better-than-expected corporate earnings and steady Treasury yields lifted sentiment on the stocks ahead of the big tech earnings." (Investing.com)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield "were steady on Tuesday after slipping back below 5%, though they remained near 16-year highs." (CNBC)

+ Oil "tumbled another 2% Tuesday, adding to the previous session’s 3% rout, wiping out a chunk of the gains from the past two weeks derived from the Middle East’s latest conflict." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin "prices soared Tuesday as bitcoin continues to rally on hopes a spot bitcoin exchange-traded fund will launch soon." (IBD)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24-hours were: 1) Microsoft +0.37% 2) Snap +2.32% 3) Nvidia +1.60%.

Child protective services

"F*ck them kids." - Zuck

It appears that attorneys general around the country finally finished watching the 'Social Dilemma' on Netflix. Because 42 AGs have banded together to sue Meta​ for creating platforms that are addictive and harmful to the mental health of children and teens. You read that right... a hatred of Zuck is the one thing that can bring both sides of the aisle together.

The states are butthurt about pretty much every aspect of literally every social media platform ever. The group claims Meta got kids addicted to its products by use of algorithms, alerts, and infinite scroll. And that things like "likes" and filters have been causing body dysmorphia issues in the youth.

NY's AG went for the jugular (not that Zuckerbot has blood vessels): "Meta has profited from children’s pain by intentionally designing its platforms with manipulative features that make children addicted to their platforms while lowering their self-esteem." Honestly, the only way the optics could be worse for Meta is if news broke that Zuck was kicking puppies.

Why now?

The real question should be, "what took so long?"

This suit has been brewing since 2021​ when that snitch whistleblower Francis Haugen released internal documents that showed the company was aware its products were the worst things for children since JUULs.

What's next?

Nothing that Zuck isn't used to. Read: a little bit of bad press. And investors agreed. Shares of Meta fell just 0.50% on the day.

That probably has something to do with what the states are seeking: straight cash, homie. Turns out the 'book is swimming in money and any fines will likely amount to a slap on the wrist. Actual changes to IG, FB, and Threads (jk, no one uses that) are less likely, but it's almost a guarantee that there will be some internal committees formed to "investigate the matter."

Interested in being one of The Water Coolest’s first advertising partners? Fill out this form and I’ll be in touch.

+ A risk of ‘cash stuffing:’ You may forgo ‘the easiest money you are ever going to make,’ says analyst (Read)

+ The Average 401K Balance For Americans Under 30 Is Very, Very Low (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... 5 TED Talks that will make you smarter and more persuasive: ‘Conventional wisdom’ for winning arguments is ‘wrong’ (Read)

+ Google is back on its bullsh*t. The company had a yuge Q3. It returned to double-digit revenue growth (11%) on its way to a top and bottom line beat. So, shares mooned, right? Right?! Not even a little bit. The stock fell more than 8% after hours.

And believe it or not, it had nothing to do with Bing taking market share from Google. It was the Google Cloud biz miss that had investors going all "and for that reason, I'm out." The Cloud segment still grew 22% year over year and actually posted a profit. But investors are looking for hockey stick growth as Google still trails AWS and Microsoft's Azure by a wide margin. (Read)

+ Microsoft didn't exactly do Google any favors. When it dropped its earnings report (at roughly the same exact time as Alphabet) it reported 29% growth in its cloud biz, which beat the Street's expectations. It proceeded to put on a masterclass in big tech earnings: a beat on the top and bottom line and guidance for the upcoming quarter that exceeded analysts’ expectations. MSFT stonk rose nearly 4% after hours. (Read​)

+ Death, taxes, and Snap letting down investors. Snap put together a respectable quarter (something that can't be said for most of the content shared on its app). Sales returned to double checks notes growth. Revenue and profit beat expectations. And daily active users exceeded the Street's consensus. Understandably, shares went parabolic, jumping more than 20% in extended trading.

That is, until, they got to the part where Snap admitted it "observed pauses in spending from a large number of primarily brand-oriented advertising campaigns immediately following the onset of the war in the Middle East." The gainz were erased almost immediately. Shares finished the after-hours session roughly flat. Things you hate to see: that. (Read​)

+ Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Trevor Milton, the founder of Nikola, who's best known for scamming investors with gravity, will have to pony up $165M to his former employer. According to NKLA, an arbitration panel ruled that Trev owes the carmaker for damages related to his f*ckery ("costs and damages arising from actions that were the subject of government and regulatory investigations"). Shares of NKLA rose 9% on the day... to just north of $1. (Read)

+ The UAW is officially living rent-free in GM CEO Mary Barra's head. GM managed to beat expectations in Q3, but was forced to pull guidance for the year amid uncertainty linked to the union currently holding it hostage. Shares fell 2.2% on the day. (Read​)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Meta, Boeing, T-Mobile, Thermo Fisher, and General Dynamics report

Yesterday, I asked What's the worst thing that can happen on a plane (that isn't falling out of the sky)?

Ok, admittedly this one was a little too easy, especially given how recent this story was...

By far, the worst thing that can happen on a plane is a diarrhea biohazard incident​.

Here's today's question...

Yesterday, GM said it lost $723M on its autonomous driving program, Cruise... the same day California suspended its license to operate AVs in the state​ after an "incident" earlier this month. So...

Are you getting in an autonomous taxi today (without a safety driver)?

Respond directly to this email and I'll share the best answers tomorrow.

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.