💦 Zuck Threads the needle

Meta is so back

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Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

MARKETS

+ US stocks "fell Wednesday, pressured by rising Treasury yields and Alphabet-led weakness in tech following disappointing quarterly results in its cloud business." (Investing.com)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield "rose on Wednesday, with the yield on the 10-year rate hovering below 5% but near multiyear highs, as investors considered the state of the economy." (CNBC)

+ Oil "rose about 2% on Wednesday, buoyed by worries about conflict in the Middle East, but gains were capped by higher U.S. crude inventories and gloomy economic prospects in Europe." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin continued its march upwards, because, you guessed it... "expectations about a spot bitcoin ETF approval." (Coindesk)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24-hours were: 1) Microsoft +3.07% 2) Meta -4.17% 3) Visa +0.93%.

Zuck Threads the needle

Exclusive footage of Mark Zuckerberg seeing Meta's earnings... (Source: Giphy)

By far, the worst part of Zuck absolutely crushing earnings is that I’m forced to admit that lizard boy deserves to be LinkedIn-endorsed for capitalism. So before we get into it, I’ll take a moment to remind everyone that Zuck once sat on a booster seat during a testimony at the US Capitol that one time​. But I digress...

Meta's revenue and earnings per share for the third quarter both beat analysts’ expectations easily. So did daily active users and average revenue per user. No thanks to Threads, presumably...

What's that? Those numbers don't impress you? Maybe these will...

Revenue grew 23% year over year (the biggest quarterly growth figure since 2021). And net income mooned 164% vs. the same period last year. Save some for the rest of us, Zuck.

And Meta now claims more than 3.9B active people across its platforms. I'll save you the Google search... there are 7.8B on the entire earth.

How though?

Let's start with what didn't contribute to the massive top and bottom-line growth.

Zuck's metaverse bet certainly did not. The Reality Labs division lost $3.74B in the quarter. It has now lost almost $25B since the beginning of 2022. On the bright side, they figured out legs.

To get back to the promised land, the 'book did what it does best: sling ads. It appears that Meta figured out Apple's privacy changes before most of its competitors. In fact, during its earnings call, it pointed to advances in AI that have been helping advertisers better target customers.

And on the profitability front, Zuck's year of efficiency is paying off. Total costs declined 7%, while headcount fell 24% vs. the same period in 2022.

Shares were up more than 4% after hours.

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STB

+ What it will take to make homes affordable again for millions of Americans (Read)

+ Only 19% of Americans increased their emergency savings in 2023. That ‘puts households in a bind,’ expert says (Read)

+ Boomer stocks are a better buy than Millennial stocks (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... The Average 401K Balance For Americans Under 30 Is Very, Very Low (Read)

TS

+ A white dude that graduated from Harvard... super original CEO pick, Morgan Stanley. Yesterday, after the close, MS named co-president and head of the investment bank, Ted Pick, as its new CEO. He'll replace James Gorman in January.

Gorman announced he had plans to hang up his Gucci loafers back in May, and Teddy Banker was the favorite to take over the role. The CEO-in-waiting has been at the bank since 1990 and is known for his lucky tie, "a red Hermes tie with monkeys chasing tigers on it." Which I guess is better than him being a DJ... amirite Goldman? (Read​)

+ Who's going to tell SBF that there's a whole a** amendment that protects idiots from themselves? Instead of shutting the f*ck up, SBF has decided that he will take the stand to testify in defense of himself. Friendly reminder: he recently secured a bunch of Adderall. Why am I telling you this? Not to make you jealous... but because his lawyers said he couldn't take the stand without it.

This is a stupid move for a lot of reasons. But mostly because it opens up Sam to cross-examination by the prosecution, which means he could be digging his own grave. Of course, for us, it's going to be must-see TV. (Read​)

+ You're not going to believe this, but the military-industrial complex isn't just surviving. It's thriving. General Dynamics, which makes the type of stuff that ensures America will never have free healthcare (think: Abrams tanks, nuclear subs, and artillery) beat on the top and bottom line in Q3. Ukraine continues to drive demand... and something tells me there are going to be some new clients lining up soon. Shares were up just shy of 4% on the day. (Read​)

+ Everyone's talking about tip creep. Maybe it's time to talk about streaming creep. Apple became the latest streamer to jack up prices. And for what? The Morning Show? The price of AppleTV+ rose by $3 to $9.99 per month. And News+ jumped from $9.99 to $12.99. (Read)

+ Ari Gold's Emanuel's Endeavor Group is considering "strategic alternatives." The talent agency/sports management company that recently spun out the UFC/WWE collab thinks an evaluation is prudent "Given the continued dislocation between Endeavor’s public market value and the intrinsic value of Endeavor’s underlying assets." Spoiler: Ari is considering taking this b*tch private or unloading some underperforming assets. Shares rose more than 22% on the news. (Read​)

FWD

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Amazon, Mastercard, Merck, Intel, Altria, Chipotle, Northrop Grumman, UPS, Nerdwallet, and Overstock.com report

+ The European Central Bank will make its interest rate decision

+ US Q3 GDP data drops

EXIT

Yesterday, I asked Are you getting in an autonomous taxi today (without a safety driver)?

The vast majority said no. The most interesting reason was by far the person who said he wouldn't get in one until all other cars are autonomous because he doesn't trust people.

Here's today's question...

Morgan Stanley made the obvious pick for its CEO. So...

Who SHOULD have been the next CEO of Morgan Stanley?

Respond directly to this email and I'll share the best answers tomorrow.

Oh, and I have one more question…

Have completed the survey yet?

FINE

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

TYLER

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.