- The Water Coolest
- Posts
- 💦 Ah sh*t, here we go again
💦 Ah sh*t, here we go again
And Kroger has a naughty boy
TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Tariffs are back (probably).
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 29 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Ah sh*t, here we go again

Happy Tariffs Day to all who celebrate.
Today marks the start of 25% tariffs on Canada and Mexico (assuming we don’t get a middle-of-the-night Truth Social post). Canadian oil will be subject to a 10% duty (because, oil).
Time’s up on that 30-day pause that Donny Tariffs offered to Trudeau and Sheinbaum. You might recall they had promised to implement some measures to control illegal immigration and fentanyl trafficking. Turns out they didn’t do enough…
During a presser at the White House, POTUS said there’s “no room left for Mexico or Canada” to negotiate. F*ck around. Find out.
Meanwhile, in China…
Trump plans to double the 10% tariffs on China that were put in place in February.
Oh, and he found another way to rile up the People’s Party on Monday: by locking in a girthy deal with Taiwan Semiconductor (-4.1%).
TSMC has committed another $100B investment to US chip manufacturing. Donny called it “a tremendous move by the most powerful company in the world”… and Elon would like a word. That brings Taiwan Semi’s total US investment to $165B. The bulk of that capex is heading toward building five new plants in Arizona.
On the next episode of US Chip Manufacturing Development, TSMC execs visit Arizona for the first time.
Like DOGE, but for your personal and business taxes
The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is finding hidden costs and trimming the fat in DC. You probably can't hire Elon to do your taxes, but you can hire a team that will work with you all year long to optimize and save.
Gelt is the modern tax company built for high-income earners, savvy investors, and business owners. Using expert CPAs and proprietary technology, they simplify the complexities of tax planning and filing with a personalized approach that actually saves you money.
They're with you every step of the way (not just at tax season). Gelt doesn’t just care about looking at your past - they want to make your future a whole lot brighter (and by brighter, I mean more money).
It’s not too late to optimize for 2024. But the window is closing.
Schedule a consultation with Gelt today to see if you’re leaving money on the table for 2024 (and beyond). Your bottom line will thank you.

+ Tell me you’re one of the redacted names on the Epstein list without telling me…
Kroger (-2.9%) Chairman and CEO Rodney McMullen has resigned in disgrace following a mysterious investigation into his personal life. The (potential) creep at the head of the US’s largest grocery chain got ousted for behavior unrelated to the business but “inconsistent with its business ethics policy.” And that’s all we know, for now. The truth is out there… *cue X-Files theme*
Until the rumor mill gives us more (presumably despicable) answers, Kroger board member Ronald Sargent will step into the Interim Chair/CEO role. To be fair, Rodney’s tenure might have already been in jeopardy after the failed $25B merger with Albertsons (-1.6%) that got c*ck blocked by a federal judge in December.
Anthropic just closed out a $3.5B round that gives them a $61.5B post-money valuation. The Lightspeed Venture Partners-led round opens up some new opportunities for America’s 3rd favorite AI company to expand its compute capacity and seek out some market share from Asia and Europe. ‘Claude Goes to Europe’ does kinda sound like an Amazon Prime Original movie.
Speaking of Amazon (-3.4%)… Anthropic shared that its AI tech is the backbone of the new Alexa+… which isn’t something to be proud of. The partnership makes sense considering Amazon is Anthropic’s sugar daddy (think: $8B of funding, but zero board seats), and Anthropic uses AWS to deploy Claude.
+ Chipotle is a real one for this. CEO Scott Boatwright says Chipotle (+0.6%) menu prices will not increase as tariffs raise costs. But quality and portion sizes will continue to shrink (unless you do this).
+ Tech startup Ramp (-1.2%) is kicking the IPO can down the road via a new $150M private equity deal that values the company at $13B and allows early investors and employees to cash out.
+ Reddit (+0.4%) co-founder Alexis Ohanian is jumping in bed with Frank McCourt and Mr. Wonderful aka Kevin O’Leary. He’s joining the team McCourt is assembling that’s hoping to buy TikTok… which I am pretty sure isn’t even for sale.
+ Chinese chain Mixue IPOed on Monday in Hong Kong. Shares of the biggest global food franchise by number of locations (sucks to suck, McDonald’s & Starbucks) popped 43% on the first day of trading. Gotta wonder how long McDonald’s could’ve kept the belt if their ice cream machines worked…

+ Why Trump’s ‘gold card’ visa program could make the pricey U.S. housing market even more expensive
🔥Google’s Sergey Brin says 60 hours per week in the office is ‘sweet spot’ for AI workers. ‘Sent from my Super Yacht.’
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.


+ US stocks “plummeted on Monday afternoon, with selling accelerating in the last hour of trading after President Trump indicated there was "no room left" for tariff negotiations with Canada and Mexico, indicating that new levies against both countries will go into effect tomorrow.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “pulled back on Monday as investors readied for President Donald Trump's tariffs on Canada and Mexico to go into effect.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices fell about 2% to a 12-week low on Monday on reports OPEC+ will proceed with a planned oil output increase in April and worries U.S. tariffs could hurt global economic growth and oil demand.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin tumbled “9%, reversing most of the rally from Trump’s crypto reserve announcement.“ (CNBC)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Visa -0.2% 2) Nvidia -8.6% 3) Hims & Hers Health -9.7%

⏪ Yesterday…
+ Plug Power and Hut 8 reported before the bell
+ AST SpaceMobile, GitLab, NuScale, and GigaCloud reported after the bell
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Target, On Holdings, Best Buy, Sea, Plug Power, AutoZone, and EVgo report before the bell
+ CrowdStrike, ChargePoint, and Credo report after the bell
+ Yum! Brands will hold a special event for Taco Bell

Yesterday, I asked, “What tech do you wish you could have saved?”
BlackBerry won with 38.2% of the vote.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
BlackBerry: “Just the right amount of tech.”
AOL Instant Messenger: “AIM for sure. There was nothing better than logging on, seeing your buddy is active, sending a message for him to "Suck a D!ck!!!"...only to find out that his mom was using his log in.”
Napster: “It would probably cost $13.99 a month right now but it was great while it lasted. ”
Other: “Vine baby! Short funny videos before brainrot was cool.”
And here’s today’s question…
Are you on board with $5M golden visas or not? |

Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter? |

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.