Hey there weekday warriors,
So. Many. Earnings.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 21 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ US stocks “fell, dragged by a drop of AI chip heavyweight Nvidia.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “little changed on Tuesday as investors looked to economic data from the labor market and the Federal Reserve’s July meeting." (CNBC)
+ Oil “slid about 1% to settle at a seven-week low on Tuesday as investors worried that demand from China could be weakening while OPEC+ seems likely to stick to plans to increase supplies.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “dipped on Tuesday, largely reversing a weekend rebound as reports that the U.S. government had mobilized $2 billion worth of tokens largely offset optimism over positive comments on regulation from Donald Trump.“ (Investing)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -7.0% 2) AMD -0.9% // +7.6% after hours 3) Microsoft -0.8% // -2.7% after hours
The market moves you need to know about…
– CrowdStrike fell 9.7%, to its lowest point of the year, on news that Delta was lawyering up to seek damage for the massive outage caused by CRWD.
+ Shares of JetBlue jumped 12.3% after reporting a profit for… wait for it… the first time since the pandemic. The airline got its year of efficiency on by cutting unprofitable routes and deferring (another) $3B in aircraft deliveries. Seems like a 2029 problem…
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Azure fire way
Source: Giphy
“Ok, hear me out… we buy more of OpenAI…” - Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella trying to save face
At first glance, Microsoft (-0.8% // -2.7% after hours) appeared to post a quarter that would have investors going all Steve Ballmer at the Windows 95 launch…
The company, started by the man who’s no stranger to cream pies (don’t worry, it’s safe for work), beat on the top and bottom line…
So why’d the stock crash like a Microsoft computer trying to receive a CrowdStrike update?
Investors had real concerns about the Azure biz…
MSFT’s cloud line of business grew its revenue by 29%, which would be great news if the Street hadn’t been expecting 31%. It didn’t help that Azure hadn’t missed its top-line growth consensus since the year of our lord 2022.
And, welp, the current quarter screams “we’re AWS’ b*tch” too. Microsoft expects top-line growth of between 28% and 29% for Azure. The Street was looking for 30.6%…
Sam Altman’s former bosses stopped the bleeding after hours (shares fell nearly 8% in the immediate aftermath of the earnings report) by overpromising indicating that cloud growth would pick up again in 2025…
+ Is AMD still the Bing to Nvidia’s Google search? Yes.
But Advanced Micro Devices (-0.9% // +7.6% after hours) is chipping away at Jensen Huang and Nvidia’s lead. The semiconductor maker said its AI chip sales topped $1B in the quarter. That’s better than expected. It also hiked its annual guidance, now expecting more than $4.5B in GPU sales.
AMD’s core biz (CPUs for stuff like phones, computers, and other devices you consume adult entertainment on) grew nearly 50% year over year. Spoiler: that was better than expected, too.
As you might have guessed, the company beat on the top and bottom line… because it’s a chip company in 2024.
+ Starbucks (+0.9% // +3.6% after hours) doing its best Dunkin’ impression (don’t @ me Dunkin’ fans)…
The preferred coffee shop of people who can’t afford to spend $6 on a coffee reported yesterday. And, well, maybe Elliot was onto something with that whole turnaround plan.
SBUX missed on the top line, traffic fell, and same-store sales dropped… again.
Still, the stonk popped after the report. Likely because management shared that some of its initiatives, including cutting down on wait times and offering $5 value meals, are beginning to pay off.
+ Bad news, Pinterest (-0.02% // -10.8% after hours) investors… the Street had revenue guidance of $907M on their Pinterest board. Unfortunately, the company is projecting sales of between $885M and $900M…
Even a yuge Q2 wasn’t enough to save PINS. The company beat across the board (top and bottom line, plus monthly active users), but the piss poor guidance sent the stock spiraling after hours.
Oh, and…
+ Bill Ackman’s Pershing Square fund now raising $2B for IPO — well below $25B target. “Rounding error…”
+ Spirit Airlines, known for no-frills flying, will offer business-class seats. Imagine if your company hated you enough to make you fly Spirit…
+ The top housing market in the US has homes below $200K is in heartland — and selling fast. Let me guess… Gary, Indiana?
+ 5 Types of Homes Expected To Plummet in Value by the End of 2025. I’ve got bad news for everyone living in a trailer park…
+ 4 easy ways for introverts to show confidence: They’ll help you reach a ‘pinnacle level of success,’ says workplace expert. Work in the back office.
🔥 The first Fed interest rate cut in years is on the horizon. Here’s what homeowners, buyers need to know. People with adjustable rates can let out a sigh of relief…
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⏪ Yesterday, P&G, Pfizer, BP, PayPal, SoFi, and JetBlue reported before the bell. Microsoft, AMD, Stryker, Mondelez, Starbucks, EA, and Pinterest dropped earnings after the close.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Mastercard, T-Mobile, Boeing, KKR, ADP, GSK, Altria, Marriott, Kraft Heinz, DuPont, and Wingstop report before the open
+ Meta, Qualcomm, Arm, Aflac, Allstate, Carvana, MGM Resorts, and Etsy release earnings after the close
+ The Fed drops its interest rate decision, plus we'll hear from J-Poww at 2:30 EST
+ ADP non-farm payrolls
Yesterday, I asked, “Are you taking $50k right now or the dollar amount for how high you can count without messing up?”
72.3% of you were taking the money.
Here’s what you guys had to say…
$50k: “If I did the math right (probably not) that's almost 14 hours of perfect counting just to get back to the starting point.”
I'm counting, baby: “I timed myself counting to 100. Took 35 seconds. At that rate, counting to 50,000 would take 4.861 hours. Even assuming slowdown over time and extra caution, reasonable to assume at least one count per second, which would take 13.889 hours and $60/hr. $60/hour to count, as high as you can and for as long allows you to get to retirement level numbers over the course of days/weeks, provided breaks are allowed.”
$50k: "My ADHD won't let me concentrate enough to count past 212.”
Here’s today’s question…
If there was a shirt size called Extra Medium (so, XM), would it be SMALLER than a medium, or LARGER than a medium?
+ Well played…
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.