Hey there weekday warriors,

Ladies (all 3 of you who read this newsletter), this one is for you.

Next time your man is acting like a dumb*ss, just remember, it could be a lot worse… he could have worn an Apple Vision Pro to your wedding.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• Target launches paid membership

• Bitcoin moons (again)

• RIP IG and FB

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 27 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “closed in a sea of red on Tuesday, pulling further away from record highs as uncertainty over interest rate cuts and a shakeup in "Magnificent Seven" stocks brought a note of wariness to the market.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “fell on Tuesday after February ISM data showed the growth in the services industry slowed a bit last month, a welcome sign on the inflation front as investors awaited testimony from Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell and February jobs data later this week." (MarketWatch)

+ Oil prices “fell nearly 1% on Tuesday as skepticism around China achieving its economic growth target and investors' declining risk appetite countered a weaker U.S. dollar.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “tumbled on Tuesday shortly after it reached a new all-time high for the first time in more than two years.” (CNBC)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +0.8% 2) CrowdStrike -5.1% AH: +23.6% 3) Super Micro Computer +1.5%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Cybersecurity player Crowdstrike was up 23.7% after hours. The firm that’s fighting the good fight against 11-year-old hackers from third-world countries reported a big beat and shared guidance that topped expectations.

– You guys… not only does Vimeo still exist, but someone actually thinks it’s valuable. Shares of VMEO jumped as much as 11% before ending the day down 6.0% after reports began to circulate that the company has become an acquisition target.

+ The RealReal didn’t hear no bell. The luxury reseller platform gained 16.5% yesterday (and another 8.3% after hours). Over the past 3 sessions, the stock has risen nearly 125%, thanks to an earnings beat and an improved liquidity situation.

You win. The Water Coolest wins. Zuck loses.

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For every referral, you can get TWC swag and exclusive content PLUS a $1 donation (per referral).

To start referring, share your unique link (below) with anyone you think might be interested in The Water Coolest.

Better late than never, I guess?

Target’s R&D team is out here copying everyone else’s test and not even changing any of the answers. The retailer announced plans to roll out a paid membership program called Target Circle 360… which doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.

TC360 will cost $99 per year and give customers access to same-day delivery (with a minimum $35 order) and free two-day shipping, plus other “perks.” Let me guess, they’re going to roll out some dogsh*t streaming content?

And it makes sense…

Target claims its free “Circle” membership program already boasts 100M members. Hand up, I was today years old when I found out this existed.

Oh, and it already has the delivery infrastructure in place. It spent $550M to acquire Shipt, a DoorDash competitor… because god forbid it pays people a living wage to deliver $45 Stanley Cups.

TGT’s CEO pointed out that the free delivery could give its e-comm biz a much-needed boost (digital sales have fallen every quarter over the past year). Not to mention, 360 creates some of that sweet, sweet recurring subscription revenue that investors love.

All that is good news…

… because TGT reported another drop in comparable sales in Q4. And it isn’t expecting to return to growth in the current quarter, either.

On the bright side, the place where middle-class paychecks go to die said it is looking at flat to slightly positive (2% on the high end) growth for fiscal 2024. Oh, and it managed a beat on the top and bottom line.

What to keep an eye on… Target is doing its best Walmart impression. During its earnings call, TGT mentioned “value” no less than 700 times.

Target warned that investors remain “value conscious” thanks to inflationary pressures. And the big box store has already shown its willingness to cater to the people of Walmart by offering steep discounts during the most recent holiday season and rolling out a brand called Dealworthy that wants to be Kirkland when it grows up.

+ Biden slashing credit card late fees to $8 in latest crackdown on junk fees (Read)

+ Feeling overwhelmed at work? Here’s how to cope with it (Read)

~ ICYMI... I rent out a duplex for $3,000 a month with $240,000 left on the mortgage and a 3.5% interest rate. It’s a hassle. Should I sell? (Read)

+ The country responsible for making the iPhone has turned its back on Apple’s flagship product. Congratulations China, you just played yourself…

According to a report, during the first 6 weeks of 2024, iPhone sales fell 24% in the People’s Republic. And it wasn’t because they’re holding out for the iPhone 16…

Huawei is all the way back in China. Over the same period, sales of Huawei phones jumped 64%.

You see, Apple had been the biggest beneficiary of America’s sanctions on the Chinese phone maker. The US limited Huawei’s access to 5G components back in 2019. Uncle Sam accused the Chinese phone maker of being sketchy as f*ck and helping the CCP spy on the US and its allies.

Then, from the clouds (with a little help from black market procurement channels, presumably) Huawei shocked the world with a 5G phone to rival the iPhone. And now it appears that the Mate 60 is eating the iPhone’s lunch.

+ Let’s pour one out for all the Karens who woke up looking forward to signing on to Facebook for another day of posting bad reviews of local establishments and arguing about politics in PTA Groups…

Instagram, Facebook, and Threads were down between 10 and 12 PM EST. And I’m sure all 7 Threads users just kinda assumed Zuck finally pulled the plug. Gmail and YouTube were reportedly suffering outages too.

No word on what caused the outage, but I’m sure we can expect Meta to feed us some lie about what happened in the coming days.

+ Just in case you missed the opportunity to buy Bitcoin at $69k and lose a ton of money back in 2021, you got another chance yesterday…

Bitcoin topped its all-time high… before plummeting ~10%. The move didn’t exactly come as a surprise, given that analysts were calling for a swift correction and bitcoin’s history of being more unhinged than your intern after you introduced him to Zyn and Red Bull.

+ If the eco-terrorists were smart, they’d stick to throwing cans of soup at the Mona Lisa or gluing themselves to an NBA court. For some reason, the haters just picked a fight with the pettiest mf’er on Earth (spoiler: Elon Musk)…

A group of “eco-terrorists” (allegedly) set a fire at Tesla’s Gigafactory Berlin. Arson in Berlin? How original…

The fire knocked out power to the facility (and surrounding areas). Production was halted and, obviously, Elon clapped back: “Stopping production of electric vehicles, rather than fossil fuel vehicles, ist extrem dumm.”

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+JD.com, Brown-Forman, Campbell Soup, Foot Locker, Abercrombie & Fitch, Victoria's Secret, and EVgo report

+ J-Poww chats with the House Financial Services Committee at the Capitol. Don’t expect Jay to stray from the Fed’s narrative (“hold on for one more day”)

Yesterday I asked “Did you do humanity a solid by sharing your TWC referral code yet (friendly reminder: for every referral, I’ll donate $1 to charity)?” 

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Here’s today’s question…

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Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional