Hey there weekday warriors,

It appears that breakfast tacos are in Starbucks’ future. And Google just dropped a foldable AI phone, even though no one asked for it.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 10 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “rallied Tuesday, moving closer to last month’s record levels following the first of two key U.S. inflation reports this week.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “fell on Tuesday as a wholesale inflation measure came in softer than expected.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “fell on Tuesday as traders grew less nervous about the potential for a wider war in the Middle East, with Iran yet to act on threats to retaliate on Israel for assassination of a Hamas official in Tehran.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin flirted with $61k for most of the day.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +6.5% 2) Starbucks +24.5% 3) Chipotle -7.5%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Sea Limited shared mixed results from the most recent quarter. But the Southeast Asian conglomerate’s trajectory had investors fully bricked up. It’s showing growth in its gaming division, and its e-comm biz appears to have gotten its sh*t together. Shares rose 11.7% on the day.

+ Rumble (think: “YouTube, but make it right-wing”) beat on the top and bottom lines Monday after the close, narrowing its loss in the process. More importantly, the company expects a big current quarter, driven by (shocker) political advertising. The stonk jumped 5.3% on Tuesday.

Burrista

“Trenta payday for Brian!” - a gender studies major putting their degree to work at Starbucks

Welp, now we know what Starbucks’ (+24.5%) management and activist investor Elliott were discussing last week…

SBUX announced Tuesday morning that CEO Laxman Narasimhan is out, effective immediately, and Brian Niccol is in, beginning September 9th. Because who starts a new job before Labor Day?

If the name “Brian Niccol” sounds familiar, it’s because he's the guy who taught us all how to get a little more meat in our burritos…

@fortune

Chipotle CEO: Our portion sizes aren’t getting smaller—but you can get more rice or pico by giving a look. #chipotle #chipotleportions #ch... See more

But more importantly, during his time as CEO of Chipotle, the dude has transformed the humble burrito outlet into a quick-service powerhouse that has become immune to inflation/downturns. During his tenure, shares have climbed more than 700%.

And, now Starbucks’ board is hoping Niccol can return the company to the promised land (a place where people wait in long lines to overpay for addictive bean water).

Y tho?

SBUX has been on the struggle bus as of late, with weak sales in the US and China (spoiler: its two most important markets) as consumers feel the pressure from inflation.

Need more proof that people are making their coffee (and spinach, feta, and egg white wraps) at home? Same-store sales fell 3% in the most recent quarter and it reiterated a pretty piss-poor outlook.

Shares of Starbucks had their best day ever. The same cannot be said for Chipotle (-7.5%).

+ Name something we needed less as a society than an AI-enabled Google phone. I’ll wait…

Probably the only redeeming quality of the new line of Pixel phones unveiled at Google (+1.2%) HQ on Tuesday is that you can get it a month before the iPhone.

The company, which probably should have stuck to search engines and phone operating systems, announced a handful of new Pixels, including a foldable version. And can we all agree we need to stop trying to make foldable phones happen (again), right?

The most interesting features that Google showed off include the ability to search info in screenshots (which should be helpful when there’s a tasteful nude you’re trying to pull up in a pinch) and layering Gemini on top of apps to ask questions and create content (think: “Write a text asking for more tasteful nudes”).

+ “Alright guys, time to start selling the 12-foot skeletons in May instead of July…”

The good news (unless you’re Lowe’s) is that Home Depot (+1.2%) beat on the top and bottom lines when it reported yesterday.

The bad news? The company warned that its comparable sales are about to drop more than expected for the year (up to 4% vs. 1% previously). And it’s blaming consumers, who are pumping the brakes on home renos and upgrades until this whole recession thing blows over.

This doesn’t exactly bode well for the economy, considering HD shoppers are more affluent than the average bear.

+ This is not a drill, ladies and gentlemen…

We are (unofficially) one CPI print away from locking in a rate cut in September. Yesterday, we got a producer price index report that jumped less than expected. Friendly reminder: PPI measures the price paid for whatever the hell it is that producers, well, produce. So, it’s a good indication of the costs that will get passed to you and me.

Speaking of us, by the time you're reading this, consumer price index data might have already dropped, and we’ll know our fate…

Oh, and…

+ Digital health company Ro launches GLP-1 insurance-coverage checker to help patients navigate costs. Power user tip: lie and say you have diabetes.

+ Elliott readies Southwest proxy fight with up to 10 directors. After having its way with Starbucks, Elliott is onto the next one…

+ Earn up to 20,000 miles after spending just $500 on purchases in the first 3 months with this 0% intro APR credit card. The perfect card for people who make their credit card miles their entire personality!

+ The 10 most affordable places to live in the U.S. based on quality of life, the job market and more. #1: Your mom’s basement.

+ ‘Your ego is not your amigo’: The smart way to negotiate a job offer in today’s slowing labor market. If I ever hear any one of you say “Your ego is not your amigo,” your TWC privileges will be revoked…

🔥 Showing up to work early and staying late won’t get you ahead—here’s what will, says career expert of 30 years. Wow, I can’t believe this Career Coach is condoning sleeping with your boss…

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday, Home Depot, Sea Limited, On Holding, and MSG Sports reported before the bell. Plus, Google held its Pixel hardware event (full recap) and July PPI data dropped.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ UBS, Cardinal Health, and Sphere Entertainment report this AM

+ Cisco reports after hours

+ The only thing that really matters is the July Consumer Price Index report drops

+ 13Fs (think: funds report their holdings) start dropping

Yesterday, I asked, “You can only drink one name-brand (no tap) water for the rest of your life. Which is it?”

I really showed my true colors (poor) with this one by not adding Fiji…

1. Smartwater (23.5% of the vote)

2. Other

3. Poland Spring

4. Evian

5. Liquid Death

Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• Write in: "Icelandic Water. I really like the bottle for some reason, feels like I'm getting superpowers when drinking it. They have it in the airport sometimes and nothing better than drinking an $8 bottle of water and acting like you're important. Then ditch it before you board that Spirit Airlines flight so you don't come off as a rich guy and get robbed.”

• Write in: “If it is free, I'm going with Fiji”

• Write in: “Fiji... it's Earth's finest water...”

• Write in: "Panna is the best-tasting water I have ever drank"

• Write in: "How do you not list Fiji on here?"

• Write in: “There is a clear 1/1 and it's Acqua Panna”

(Also, I heard you guys loud and clear that there were some issues with the write-in option - I will be penning a strongly worded letter.)

Here’s today’s question…

It’s a godd*mn miracle Brian Niccol isn’t 600 pounds given his work history. He’s worked at a murderer’s row of fast food/quick service restaurants. So…

I went down a major ‘Succession’ rabbit hole and I’m inviting you all to come with me…

"I hyperdecant. You don’t hyperdecant? You’re just doing regular decanting?” - Connor Roy (Watch)

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.