Hey there weekday warriors,

The good news is there are no more NFL playoff games on Peacock this season. The bad news? The event was the most-streamed live event in US history and set records for internet usage. Which means every streamer is about to bid on any NFL game they can get…

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• Big banks disappoint

• BlackRock’s new toy

• Bad Apple

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 16 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “closed barely changed on Friday, after wavering between modest gains and losses, as mixed bank earnings offset cooler-than-expected inflation news that buoyed hopes for interest-rate cuts from the Federal Reserve.” [NOTE: markets were closed Monday] (Reuters)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield ended “lower on Friday after December’s producer prices report pointed to the likelihood of a continued drop in inflation." (MarketWatch)

+ Oil “weakened slightly on Monday as the Middle East conflict's limited impact on crude output prompted profit taking after oil benchmarks gained 2% last week.” [NOTE: Brent reflects prices from yesterday because those heathens in the UK don’t celebrate MLK Day, while WTI reflects Friday’s settlement] (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin prices “were falling on Monday. The initial wave of buying after the approval of exchange-traded funds tied to spot trading of Bitcoin looks to have been exhausted.” (Barron’s)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Tesla -3.67% 2) Nvidia -0.20% 3) C3.ai -4.20%.

“OMG, that was one time”

- big bank CEOs

Earnings season kicked off on Friday (…which was perfect because it gave Citi workers an extra day to apply for jobs).

And JPMorgan, Citi, Wells, and B of A all got a taste of their own medicine. During the final quarter of 2023 they were all hit with big, fat, veiny fees. JPMorgan, Citi, Wells, and BofA ponied up $2.9B, $1.7B, $1.9B, and $2.1B to the FDIC, respectively. Thanks a lot, Silicon Valley Bank.

Individually they all had to deal with different types of, but equally girthy, one-time charges. Like Wells’ $969M severance expense…

“Child’s play.” - Citi CEO Jane Fraser

Citi sat atop the league tables for one-time charges. And it wasn’t particularly close.

Things were so bad that Citi decided to pre-announce the $4.6B hit to its bottom line (and its quarterly loss) last week.

The bank faced a perfect sh*storm. In addition to cutting a PCH-sized check to the FDIC, it took a nearly $1B charge related to Argentine peso devaluation. Plus, it needed to add $1.3B to its reserves thanks to exposure to Argentina and Russia. And, let’s not forget about the restructuring charge of $780M, because, you know, “Project Bora Bora.”

Speaking of Project Bora Bora…

It appears that the only thing Citi CEO Jane Fraser likes more than the Four Seasons in French Polynesia is forcing employees to move back in with their parents. Citi’s CFO said the bank is laying off ~20k employees in the “medium term”… whatever that means.

That’s ~10% of the bank’s workforce. So, yeah, those restructuring charges aren’t going to be “one time.” The bank expects roughly $1B in severance expenses related to the “changes.”

The good news is the layoffs weren’t totally unexpected. Mostly because they have already begun. The only real question is when will we start getting more videos like the viral Cloudflare layoff TikTok?

Zoom out

Overall, Friday was a pretty brutal day for bank stocks. Interestingly, Citi was the only one that closed up. All four reported drops in profit and warned about potential credit losses and net interest income getting squeezed.

Picture this…

The year is 2012.

Facebook just went public.

The New York Giants are the reigning Super Bowl champs.

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+ In a ‘lost’ interview, Jeff Bezos revealed why he chose books as the ‘best product’ to sell on Amazon (Read)

+ US residents must make this much to afford a home in 2024, realtor claims: ‘The old American dream died’ (Read)

+ The 5 levels of financial freedom, according to money coaches, who say they’ve reached level 3 (Read)

+ ICYMI... Costco makes big food court change with new cookies (Read)

+ *Puts on tinfoil hat* First they came for our neighborhoods (Because how else would you explain this blog post about how BlackRock definitely, 100%, totally, are in no way shape or form buying up every house in America?)… now they want our sewage treatment facilities.

BlackRock said on Friday that it paid $12.5B for PE shop Global Infrastructure Partners. As you might have guessed, GIP invests in stuff like airports, wastewater treatment facilities, and digital infrastructure.

The massive asset manager also announced a yuge earnings beat. Because what else would you expect from these puppet masters? (Read)

+ RIP Tim Apple…

He’s not dead or anything, but he will forever be remembered as the Apple CEO that allowed MSFT to make them their b*tch. At Friday’s close, Apple’s market cap sat at a measly $2.87T. Meanwhile, OpeanAI Microsoft closed with a $2.89T valuation. That’s the first time in a year that Apple has lost its crown as the world’s most valuable company.

Apple has been getting rekt by analysts’ downgrades that remind investors every few days that the iPhone is about to go the way of the BlackBerry. Shares are down ~6% in the past month.

While Apple was busy getting curb stomped, Microsoft was milking Sam Altman for every drop of shareholder value they could squeeze out of him. AI innovations have continued to drive the stock higher. (Read)

+ You might have had a good weekend, but you definitely didn’t have a better weekend than the CEOs of Raytheon and Lockheed Martin. That’s because some Houthi rebels decided to strike a US-owned ship in the Red Sea. That’s just a day after the terror group fired a missile at a US destroyer. Someone is about to find out why we don’t have free healthcare in the US… (Read)

+ No one man should have all that power… unless, of course, he threatens to “build products outside of Tesla.” Yesterday, Elon said on Twitter that he wants 25% voting control over Tesla in his new comp plan. Currently, he has about half of that. He followed that up with a not-so-subtle threat: “Unless that is the case, I would prefer to build products outside of Tesla." (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, PNC, and Interactive Brokers report

+ Monster Energy holds its investor meeting… which is a bucket list item for me

+ Don’t forget to eat your bugs… the World Economic Forum gets underway in Davos

Yesterday I asked Name a random NFL player.

The most popular answer was… wait for it… Michael Vick. And I am 0% surprised.

Here’s today’s question…

I’ve tried multiple times to watch the viral Cloudflare layoff video. And I cannot get through it all. Just brutal. So…

Who is the worst person in the viral Cloudflare layoff video? (Brittany? HR?)

Reply directly to this email and I’ll share the results tomorrow.

Oh, and two more things…

Did you check out today’s ad partner The Motley Fool?

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional