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Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 33 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “closed mixed on Tuesday as Wall Street largely shrugged off fears over a nuclear escalation to the Russia-Ukraine war, while Nvidia (NVDA) provided a solid boost for the tech-heavy Nasdaq.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “slipped on Tuesday as tensions between Ukraine and Russia increased.” (CNBC)

+ Oil was “broadly unchanged on Tuesday as signs of escalation of the Russia-Ukraine war kept investors cautious of supply disruptions, but the partial restart of production in Norway's Johan Sverdrup oilfield limited gains.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “jumped to a record high on Tuesday, trading north of $93,800 per token as the cryptocurrency's post-election gains resumed.” (Investing)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +4.8% 2) MicroStrategy +11.8% 3) Super Micro Computer +31.2%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Qualcomm investors be like, “Cool story, bro.” Despite announcing that it plans to generate an additional $22B per year by 2029, QCOM shares rose a measly 0.1%. For f*ck’s sake, investors didn’t even care about its massive (expected) gainz in the PC chip market that will help diversify the biz.

+ As if having .ai in its name wasn’t enough of a cheat code, C3.ai announced a strategic partnership with Microsoft Azure yesterday that sent shares up 24.1% on the day.

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Comcast cuts the cord

“I don’t want to play with you anymore.” - Comcast to NBC

After weeks of speculation, Comcast (-1.5% // +2.3% after hours) has finally served NBC Universal with divorce papers, and despite what Comcast and NBC tell the kids, deep down they’ll know it was their fault…

NBC’s cable networks including CNBC, MSNBC, E!, Syfy, Golf Channel, USA, and Oxygen will be spun off into a separate publicly traded entity. And USA would just like to thank everyone for letting it be part of the press release…

NBC (the broadcast network), Peacock, and Bravo will remain with Comcast... just in case it wasn’t abundantly clear which assets Comcast gives a damn about.

CNBC broke the news… presumably by walking upstairs and talking to someone at the Keurig machine. A formal announcement is expected today.

Wait, but why?

Not unlike the grandmother your parents sent to Del Boca Vista, Comcast is just trying to let its dying cable portfolio live out its remaining years in peace.

Comcast believes its sorry excuse of a streaming platform (sorry not sorry, Peacock) and trashy reality TV are the future. Of course, it might be onto something… traditional cable is bleeding subscribers.

Oh, and bonus… spinning off the assets now makes a potential sale or tie-up a whole lot cleaner down the road.

+ “It ain’t much, but it’s honest work.” - Walmart after selling $169B worth of stuff in one quarter

Honestly, the only way things could get better for Walmart (+3.0%) right now is if Trump went and worked a shift as a greeter. The store whose clientele will always make you think “hey, it could be worse,” beat on the top and bottom lines for Q3.

But it was the full-year guidance that had investors going from six to midnight. WMT hiked the upper end of its 2024 sales growth forecast to 5.1% from 4.75%. Leadership said shoppers are still seeking deals, and Wally World is happy to oblige.

+ “Ok, but we’re not calling it Robotax… and every refund cannot be $420.69.” - Vivek Ramaswamy to Elon Musk

The Department of Government Efficiency has claimed its first victim(s)… and it doesn't even technically exist yet. The advisory commission is reportedly considering creating a free tax filing app.

That is very bad news for the companies that have built billion-dollar businesses on the back of the government’s incompetence. Tax prep platforms H&R Block (-8.2%) and Intuit (-5.1%) took their lumps.

+ Is nothing sacred anymore?

First, they came for our single-family homes. Now, Blackstone is coming for our #4, Mike’s Way. Blackstone, the world’s biggest swinging asset manager, just bought Jersey Mike’s (Subway’s little brother) for ~$8B.

It shouldn’t come as a huge surprise. PE shops have been hoovering up franchises like a Harvard MBA rolling up HVAC companies in the Midwest. Exhibit A: Roark Capital recently bought Subway for $9.5B. Just imagine how much they could have commanded if it wasn’t for that whole Jared Fogle thing…

+ Howie Commerce has a nice ring to it…

POTUS-elect Trump has nominated Cantor CEO Howard Lutnick as his commerce secretary. Spoiler: that means he will be the guy overseeing trade and tariffs.

You might recall that over the weekend Elon Musk had endorsed Lutnick for Treasury Secretary. But rumor has it #47 really wished Lutnick didn’t act thirsty af publicly. It’s unclear if Trump plans to name Dave Ramsey or Mr. Wonderful as Janet Yellen’s replacement after giving Dr. Oz the nod as head of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.

🛑 Quick question…

+ Is Buying Frequent-Flier Miles Ever a Good Idea? I’ll save you the click… maybe.

+ 89% of Americans say they do not consider themselves wealthy — here’s what stands in the way. Let me guess… “not having enough money.”

🔥 Costco’s founder met Jeff Bezos for coffee—his advice helped turn a near-death Amazon into a $2 trillion business. “Hear me out… $1.50 hot dogs.”

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday Walmart, Lowe’s, Medtronic, and Xpeng reported before the bell

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Target, Nio, TJ Maxx, and Wix report before the bell

+ Nvidia, Snowflake, and Palo Alto Networks drop earnings after the close

Yesterday, I asked, “Which are you taking? $1M or you instantly become a 9.5/10 in any attribute of your choice.”

71.8% of you said show me the money.

Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• 9.5/10: “A 95% success rate at picking stocks would yield far more moolah. I wanna be just like Nancy!”

• 9.5/10: “Be a near-scratch golfer so I am no longer an embarrassment when I play at member-guest events. Correcting a slice by hitting a duck hook is what I'm currently best at...”

• $1M: “My wife says I am pretty good in the bedroom and that is the last remaining attribute that I care that I have any skill at. With an extra $1m in the bank, she may even consider me really good!”

• 9.5/10: “picking stocks....should be able to beat $1M in post tax gains”

• 9.5/10: “Baseball. Im sure the Angels will throw 50m at me." Savage.

• 9.5/10: “Sports broadcast analyst. Guaranteed income for as long as I want and would love my work.”

And here’s today’s question…

+ I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy (corporate edition)

🔥 This was my favorite episode of Shark Tank…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.