Hey there weekday warriors,

Sure, you’re probably hungover post-Super Bowl. But it could be worse, you could be a banker at Barclays. Some low performers will get no bonus this year.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• Sam Altman’s trillion-dollar dreams

• S&P 5,000

• Pepsi disappoints

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 19 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “rose on Friday after December’s revised inflation reading came in lower than first reported, and the S&P 500 closed above the key 5,000 level as strong earnings and economic news chugged on.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “flat on Friday as investors weighed encouraging consumer price index revisions that showed inflation rising at a slower pace than previously reported for December." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “settled higher on Friday, up about 6% on a week-on-week basis, as worries about supply from the Middle East mounted and as reining outages tightened refined products markets.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “rose 5% on Friday to one-month highs, powered by what analysts said was a flurry of buying ahead of April's halving event and as recent outflows from exchange-traded funds slowed.” (Reuters)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +3.5% 2) C3.ai +6.0% 3) Super Micro Computer +6.0%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Microsoft shares rose 1.5% on Friday, ending the day with a market cap of $3.125T. That officially makes it the most valuable company in history.

– Moderna fell 6.6% on Friday after news emerged that its RSV vaccine might not be as effective as competitors Pfizer and GSK.

+ Softbank jumped 8.7% after reporting an earnings beat, thanks largely to gainz in its Vision Fund. And that means one thing: Masa is about to throw so much money at AI.

Crazy enough to work

Ok, maybe OpenAI was onto something when they fired Sam Altman…

The dude might be more batsh*t than your crazy ex. Rumor has it that Altman has ambitions beyond just creating large language models. He wants to focus on the industry’s biggest bottleneck right now: chips.

Last week he tweeted: “the world needs more ai infrastructure--fab capacity, energy, datacenters, etc--than people are currently planning to build.”

And he could seek up to $7T to make his dreams come true. To put things in perspective, the entire world’s GDP is ~$100T. And Nvidia, which is the MJ-in-his-prime of AI chipmakers just hit a market cap of $1.7T.

He is in talks with the UAE and other sovereign wealth funds to get his plans in motion.

It all makes sense…

Of course, Altman has been schemin’ for a while. Before the coup at OpenAI that saw him ousted for ~1 week, Altman was allegedly trying to raise billions for a chip biz.

And Altman has grown increasingly annoyed with Nvidia and others’ (but most NVDA) inability to keep up with his insatiable appetite for semiconductors.

“I can do it myself, a**hole.” - Sam Altman

It probably doesn’t hurt that untold riches (and world domination) are tied to being the big winner in the AI chip wars.

Why should I care? Sam Altman knows he’s gonna need a little help to spend $7T. The company that could be the biggest beneficiary of Sammy Semiconductor’s generosity is Taiwan Semi (-0.4%). In fact, he’d love to give TSMC a metric f*ck ton of Middle East money to build dozens of chip fab plants in the next few years, according to reports…

+ The most expensive home for sale in the U.S. goes up for $295 million in Naples, Florida (Read)

+ Why millennials’ retirement outlook may be worse than those of older generations (Read)

+ Gen Z grad with 2 degrees breaks down in tears sharing the responses she received from minimum wage employers after handing out her résumé in New York (Read)

~ ICYMI... The No. 1 resume mistake according to ex-Amazon recruiter: You see it ‘all the way up to the C-suite’ (Read)

+ 1) S&P 500 hitting 5k 2) The day my kids were born 3) My wedding day… in that order.

The S&P 500 hit 5,000 for the first time ever Friday, closing at 5,026.61. Dorsia must’ve been buzzin’.

Markets have been on a tear thanks to big tech and chip stocks. And positive economic news (despite J-Poww keeping rates higher for longer) and a pretty decent earnings season have poured gasoline on the fire.

Why should I care? Technically, you shouldn’t really care at all. Well, besides the fact that the move above 5k shows that stonks only go up. The 5k level, or any level for that matter, doesn’t actually mean anything, besides it being a cool round number that our bird brains can more easily comprehend. Some would argue it’s an important “psychological level.” Those people are idiots.

+ Investors aren’t mad, they’re disappointed. Pepsi’s (-3.5%) earnings dropped Friday AM. And they were a bigger letdown than when a waitress brings you a Pepsi instead of the Coke you asked for (godd*mmit). PEP missed on the top line, but more importantly, net sales fell for the first time in 4 years…

And Pepsi brass was a little too quick to blame consumers for my liking. They pointed to a drop in disposable income that meant buyers spent less on soda and snacks. The company expects the headwinds to continue in 2024. It maintained its outlook but indicated its revenue growth would come in towards the low end of the range (4%).

+ Ok, don’t freak out but, Uncle Sam just re-ran the numbers and December’s CPI data was adjusted down (to 0.2% from 0.3%). Spoiler: this means nature is healing. (Read)

+ That $500M yacht isn’t going to pay for itself. Jeffrey Commerce sold $2B worth of his AMZN (+2.7%) shares as he preps for a move to Miami that just screams mid-life crisis.

Mackenzie be like “that’s it?” (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Avis, Goodyear, and Monday.com report. Do you think they chose to report on a Monday on purpose?

+ Microsoft holds an Xbox business update event

My prediction of tomorrow’s TWC headlines, today…

~ Crystal ballin’… “Shares of Pinduoduo tumble after Temu’s controversial Super Bowl ad puts business practices in spotlight” (timeline: this week)

US lawmakers (and pretty much anyone who gives a damn about human rights) are butt hurt that Temu is running a Super Bowl ad. It’s been accused of using forced labor to create its cheap products and spying on its customers (read: it’s a Chinese company).

Ok, last chance if you want to be featured in a new testimonial section…

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Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional