Hey there weekday warriors,

It’s time to pour one out. Not because anyone died or anything. But if you’re drinking a Tsingtao I recommend disposing of it. There’s a viral video straight out of ‘Beerfest’ that shows an employee urinating in a batch of brew…

Here’s what else is on tap…

• Chevron buys Hess

• Bill Ackman cashes out

• Okta gets rekt (again)

Enjoy the next few 4 minutes and 11 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

PS, in case you missed it… after nearly two years at Barstool, The Water Coolest has gone independent (again). And I'm in the driver's seat.

To ensure you always get my emails, you should tell your email provider that you're cool with getting emails from [email protected].

Here's how to do it...

1. Add [email protected] to your address book/tell your email provider we're safe (here are instructions for every email provider).

2. That's it.

+ US stocks were mixed "as a reversal in Treasury yields and a rally in tech was offset by weakness in energy and financials ahead of the busy week for corporate earnings." (Investing.com)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield "briefly rose above 5%, before retreating as investors increasingly accept interest rates will stay higher for longer." (Yahoo! Finance)

+ Oil "fell over 2% on Monday as diplomatic efforts in the Middle East intensified in an attempt to contain the conflict between Israel and Hamas, easing investor concerns about potential supply disruptions." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin "surged past $35,000 Monday, hitting the highest price since May 2022, as cryptocurrency markets continued their October bull run amid optimism that a BTC ETF will get approved in the U.S." (Coindesk)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24-hours were: 1) Nvidia +3.84% 2) Tesla +0.04% 3) C3.ai +0.99%.

Crude awakening

Today, a whole bunch of people found out that the company that makes Hess trucks sells oil too...

The Kendall Roy of the Hess family ("the eldest boy,"​ John Hess) oversaw the sale of the company started by his father, Leon. Chevron took out Hess for $53B​ in an all stock deal.

Chevron's Chief Exec had this to say: "This combination is aligned with our objective to safely deliver higher returns and lower carbon." Yes, this dude really looked at us with a straight face and said the combination of two oil giants would result in lower carbon. More importantly, the Hess tie-up is expected to increase free cash flow of the combined biz over the next 5 years.

Chevron also made sure to announce it would increase its share repurchase program by $2.5B if the deal goes through. Still, shares of CVX fell 3.7% on the day. Hess also fell just over 1%.

Why though?

Because consolidation in the energy biz knows no bounds. Big swinging oil is swimming in Scrooge McDuck piles of cash​ after oil barreled through the $100 mark in 2022 (thanks, Russia... and Saudi Arabia). Plus, it appears that demand for oil isn't waning. Crude is currently hovering around $90 per barrel.

But arguably the biggest prize for Chevron is Guyana... which I hear is lovely this time of year. It turns out that there's a f*ck ton of oil in the South American country. And to date, Exxon (arguably Chevron's biggest rival) is the only one taking it out of the ground. XOM's partners in the endeavor? A Chinese offshore oil giant, and, you guessed it... Hess.

Speaking of Exxon...

This $53B deal isn't even the biggest O&G M&A in the past two weeks. Exxon bought Pioneer, a US shale driller, earlier this month for $60B. It's not a d*ck measuring contest, but if it was, Exxon would be winning...

Interested in being one of The Water Coolest’s first advertising partners? Fill out this form and I’ll be in touch.

+ 5 TED Talks that will make you smarter and more persuasive: ‘Conventional wisdom’ for winning arguments is ‘wrong’ (Read)

+ Top Wall Street analysts favor these five dividend stocks during tumultuous times (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... If you use any of these 6 phrases every day, you’re ‘genuinely happier’ than most: Happiness experts (Read)

+ John Hess wasn't the only one who backed up the Brinks' truck yesterday. Bill Ackman, the guy who completed what some call "the greatest trade of all time" ahead of the rona boi shutdown, announced he covered his massive bond short. Dollar Bill said on Twitter "There is too much risk in the world to remain short bonds at current long-term rates." For what it's worth, this is the same guy who defended SBF on Twitter​... (Read)

+ Shares of Okta fell another 8% on Monday. For those of you keeping score at home, that's nearly 20% in the past two trading days. Okta, a cybersecurity company, reported a major hack of its systems on Friday. McKinsey spin zone incoming (Read)

+ Stop, stop he's already dead.​ It appears that having its way with the AI semiconductor market just isn't enough for Nvidia. It's also looking to drink Intel's milkshake. Nvidia is reportedly developing central processing units (CPUs). Think: the kinda chips that power PCs. Microsoft has been nudging chipmakers not named Intel to create advanced Arm-chips. The news that Nvidia is coming for Intel's market share sent INTC down 3% on the day. Nvidia rose nearly 4% Monday. (Read​)

+ The fun police over at the DoJ are kicking the tires of Tesla. According to a TSLA filing, the Department of Justice is kicking the tires on a laundry list of sketchy stuff that Tesla has been up to. Like, you know, calling its driver assist tech "Full Self Driving" and lying about the range on some of Elon's EVs. Oh, and they didn't come right out and say it, but the investigation of "personal benefits" is almost certainly related to the glass house Elon planned to build​ with company money. Investors shrugged off the subpoenas, because, well, they're Tesla investors. (Read​)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Microsoft, Google, Visa, Coca-Cola, Texas Instruments, GE and Snap report

+ The Robin Hood (not that Robinhood) conference gets underway with appearances from some of the masters of the universe including Stanley Druckenmiller, Paul Tudor Jones II, David Einhorn, Sam Altman etc., etc.

+ The founders of Anthropic, a major AI player (think: the Bing to OpenAI's Google), speak at the Bloomberg Tech summit

+ Global PMI numbers start to roll in from S&P

Yesterday, I asked Who is the Taylor Swift of the finance world?

There were basically two people... then a bunch of honorable mentions...

1) J-Poww

2) Elon Musk

Michael Burry got some love. As did Jim Cramer. And shout out to the person who said me (it wasn't my mom).

Here's today's question...

There was a scary incident on an Alaskan Air flight where an off-duty pilot (who allegedly had some sort of mental break) tried to kill both engines mid-flight. So...

What's the worst thing that can happen on a plane (that isn't falling out of the sky)?

Respond directly to this email and I'll share the best answers tomorrow.

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.