TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
Adam Neumann can’t keep getting away with this…
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 25 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Do I really look like a guy with a plan?
(This content is best consumed with this song playing softly in the background.)
"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." - Marc Andreessen in 3-6 years, probably
Despite an abundance of red flags, a16z, one of the most well-respected VC firms in the game, is ready to risk it all on Adam Neumann's new startup (... for the second time).
Flow, a "revolutionary" real estate company, just got its "funding secured" on, raising $100M at a $2.5B valuation, according to sources (and by sources I mean Adam Neumann's enormous ego).
a16z, which led the round, already poured $350M into the company back in 2022. And clearly they’ve bought into Adam’s vision like Masa Son in 2017. Neumann told Bloomberg, “I’m sure this is a company that we could take public one day.” Friendly reminder: he pretty much single-handedly botched WeWork’s IPO.
So, what exactly is Flow?
Well, according to its website, which looks a lot like Chipotle and Burning Man had a love child, the company is building "Communities designed to connect you with yourself, your neighbors, and the natural world." Translation? It's a weekly gang bang away from cult status...
At its core, it's a real estate company that builds apartment buildings catered towards crunchy kids who want to spend their parents' money in places like Saudi Arabia and Miami. Oh, and, I sh*t you not, they've built coworking spaces called Workflow.
Of course, the major difference this time around is that Flow isn't pretending to be something that it's not. It's buying real estate or partnering with landlords. You might recall that one of WeWork's biggest mistakes was leasing f*ck tons of space in expensive building with plans to rent it out daily, all while telling investors it was a “tech play.”
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This isn’t a supplement. It’s a category-defining product in a $1.5T global alcohol industry.
*See full ad disclosures below
+ An accurate description of tech earnings thus far: “Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe sh*t…”
Alphabet $GOOGL ( ▼ 3.85% ) just dropped the sort of earnings report Jensen Huang could only dream of. Google’s revenue grew 12% YoY, and the company beat on the top and bottom lines. Search brought in $50.7B, up 9.8% from last year, so I guess people are still Googling stuff instead of asking AI bots. Meanwhile, Google’s “other bets” segment (think: Waymo and Verily) lost $1.2B.
Speaking of losing… despite reporting an earnings and revenue beat for Q1, Intel $INTC ( ▼ 1.91% ) issued some seriously p*ss poor guidance for the upcoming quarter. CFO David Zinsner blamed the trade war. Intel expects to barely break even in Q2 because the only things certain in life are death and Intel taking Ls.
+ New old phone, who dis?
Perplexity AI is teaming up with Motorola $MSI ( ▲ 0.37% ) to integrate AI into its “Moto AI” smartphone features. Motorola users (which might be a new slur) will receive 3 free months of Perplexity Pro and Deep Research. It’s not too surprising, given that Motorola is already sort of the neighborhood bicycle of AI-enabled smartphones. They’ve already got partnerships with Google $GOOGL ( ▼ 3.85% ) Gemini, Microsoft $MSFT ( ▼ 0.59% ) Copilot, and Meta $META ( ▼ 1.93% ).
And in a move that makes me feel like it’s the Summer of ‘07 again, the Razr phone is back with some new “features” (read: AI). And if the $1.3k price tag doesn’t bother you, you could always add to cart some of their upcoming collabed Bose/Moto/Swarovski crystal earbuds… (that wasn’t a typo).
+ March’s home sales data was a train wreck. The last time home sales were this bad in March? 15 years ago, during the financial crisis. And just in case that wasn’t depressing enough, I’ll just leave this right here…
+ United Airlines $UAL ( ▼ 0.04% ) just inked a purchase agreement with startup jet maker JetZero for up to 100 new planes. JetZero specializes in a “blended wing design” where the wings merge with the fuselage for a reduction in fuel consumption. To be fair, they can’t be any more dangerous than Boeing’s current lineup…
+ Hand up, until this moment, I thought Danny DeVito was CEO. Jersey Mike’s founder/CEO Peter Cancro is stepping down after 50 years at the helm, and ex-Wingstop $WING ( ▼ 0.09% ) CEO Charlie Morrison is stepping up to the soggy sandwich counter (seriously, guys, why so much liquid?).
+ Uber $UBER ( ▲ 0.41% ) locked in a long-term partnership with Volkswagen $VLKAY ( ▼ 0.99% ) to roll out autonomous vehicles & rides on the Uber US app, launching in 2026. If Dieselgate is any indication, I’d rather drive in a Nikola autonomous vehicle than a VW…
+ Blank check company (remember those?) Cantor Equity Partners $CEP ( ▼ 1.04% ) shares are doing their best GameStop circa 2021 impression. Shares have mooned over the last 2 days (200%) after announcing plans to combine with Twenty One Capital. Twenty One (no relation to the Pilots) plans to copy/paste Michael Saylor’s business model (read: buy a sh*t ton of bitcoin and hold it forever).
+ US stocks “rallied on Thursday, with Big Tech leading the way as investors digested the latest signals from President Trump and his top advisers on tariffs.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “declined on Thursday as investors continue to weigh the latest development on the global trade front, as well as President Donald Trump backtracking on plans to fire the Federal Reserve chief.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices edged up on Thursday as investors weighed a weaker U.S. dollar, potential OPEC+ output increase, mixed economic news, conflicting U.S. tariff signals and news from the Russia-Ukraine war.” (Reuters)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Procter & Gamble, Pepsi, Merck, Nasdaq, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Union Pacific, American Airlines, Mobileye, Comcast, Fiserv, L3Harris Technologies, Southwest Airlines, and Freeport-McMoran reported before the bell
+ Alphabet, Intel, T-Mobile, Celestica, Gilead Sciences, Digital Realty Trust, and Kinsale Capital reported after hours
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ ABBVIE, Colgate-Palmolive, Schlumberger, HCA Healthcare, PHILLIPS 66, and Charter report before the bell
Yesterday, I asked, “Which had more of a moment?”
64.8% of you said Zyn.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Zyn: “Easier to for my idiot kids to sneak.”
JUUL: “We still need to see Zyn's epic (and probably inevitable) media downfall. ”
Zyn: “Zyn sold out the same day it was restocked on the military base. ”
JUUL: “Anyone who says Zyn obviously never had them pleasure of riding the ride and fall of nicotine in the JUUL era. It was like the iPhone but you got a buzz and it did party mode too ”
Zyn: “Nobody made their entire personality about JUUL”
JUUL: “recency bias, it was always juul”
Here’s today’s question…
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.
Ad Disclaimers
This content was produced on behalf of Safety Shot Inc. and sponsored by the company. The influencer was compensated one thousand dollars by Fairfax Partners to create this content. This is not financial advice, and viewers are encouraged to consult a financial professional before making investment decisions. Investing in stocks involves significant risks, and past performance does not guarantee future results. Please DYOR (do your own research).