Hey there weekday warriors,

Bad news for everyone who’s over Taylor Swift. She could rewrite history on S*per Bowl (please don’t sue me, NFL) Sunday. If she’s able to make the big game experts believe there’s a real chance the telecast could become the most-watched TV event ever. The Apollo 11 lunar landing currently holds the top spot.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• Big tech gets rekt

• GM turns its back on EVs

• Tom Brady sells out

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 9 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ “The tech-heavy Nasdaq lost ground on Tuesday as the market awaited a spate of high profile corporate earnings and the Federal Reserve convened for its monetary policy meeting.” (Reuters)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield ended “lower Tuesday as the first Federal Reserve policy meeting of 2024 kicked off and traders parsed through fresh economic data." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “rose on Tuesday as a higher global economic growth forecast and escalating tensions in the Middle East offset concerns around Chinese demand.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin hovered around $43k.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) AMD -3.24% 2) Microsoft -0.28% AH: -0.23% 3) Nvidia +0.49%.

Coverage of the market movers you need to know about every day…

+ There is nothing micro about Supermicro. SMCI rose 3.5% yesterday and is up 79% in 2024. Spoiler: Supermicro makes hardware that powers AI.

– Hapag-Lloyd shareholders to the Houthis: “Look what you did, you little jerks.” Shares of international shipping company Hapag-Lloyd fell 10% after the company reported a larger-than-expected loss following attacks on cargo ships in the Red Sea.

+ Pixelworks is like a Make-A-Wish stock that just got to spend a day at Disney. Shares jumped 13% (they were up more than 40% at one point) on news that it will license its TrueCut Motion technology to Walt Disney.

Dot com bubble

Investors woke up and chose violence.

Microsoft and Google both reported solid quarters, but investors couldn’t overlook some major red flags. Which is weird since most of you guys have no problem doing that at a bar at 2 AM…

‘Soft landing

The company that took Clippy from us way too soon said it expects expenses in the upcoming quarter to come in below analyst consensus.

But MSFT investors just couldn’t get over a quarterly revenue outlook that was just shy of the Street’s expectations.

Shares initially fell ~2% after hours before ending the extended session down ever so slightly. It probably didn’t help that Microsoft didn’t announce any AI innovations that will change the trajectory of the human race…

Bloodbath at Alphabet

Alphabet put on a clinic in its most recent quarter. I’m talking top and bottom line beat and the fastest revenue growth since 2022.

And Google Cloud got its AWS on. It continues to put up yuge growth numbers (+26% on the top line) and is finally profitable after years of suckling from the teet of the search business.

So why did shares fall 5.5% after hours?

Because its ad biz is out here doing its best Bing impression. Advertising revenue (so, most of its revenue) missed analysts expectations ($65.52B vs. $65.94). And Facebook’s ads business is growing at a quicker pace while TikTok gobbles up market share.

I usually don’t give out free advice but, hear me out, Sundar… Google+ Shorts.

+ Six cities registered new all-time high real estate prices in November (Read)

+ Quarterback Brock Purdy splits the rent with a roommate in San Francisco (Read)

> ICYMI... The 15 most expensive U.S. neighborhoods per square foot—No. 1 is 2,000% higher than average (Read)

+ “F*ck EVs, all my homies hate EVs.” - Mary Barra, probably

GM is doing an about-face on EVs (in the near term). With EV markets softer than Elon every time he checks TSLA’s stock price, General Motors has decided to lean into hybrids. And honestly, this just screams “seems like a tomorrow problem.”

Mary promised that GM is “committed to eliminating tailpipe emissions from our light-duty vehicles by 2035, but, in the interim, deploying plug-in technology in strategic segments will deliver some of the environment or environmental benefits of EVs as the nation continues to build this charging infrastructure.”

But investors didn’t seem to give a damn that GM gives zero f*cks about zero emissions. That’s because in addition to reporting a top and bottom line beat, the carmaker also dangled a $10B share buyback and 33% dividend hike.

And like a car dealer throwing in floor mats to close the deal, GM shared a healthy outlook for 2024. Shares rose 7.8% on the day. (Read)

+ AMD reported earnings on Tuesday, and it went about as well as Microsoft and Google’s. AMD beat on the top line and met earnings expectations…

Just one problem… AMD didn’t put up Nvidia numbers. It nearly doubled its AI chip sales projections to $3.5B for 2024, but it still wasn’t enough for investors. MOOOORE. The stonk fell 6.5% after hours. Luckily, it’s still up 130% over the past year. (Read)

+ Delaware’s down bad after this tweet from Elon: “Never incorporate your company in the state of Delaware.” Yesterday, a Delaware judge voided Elon’s $56B 2018 comp package.

A shareholder filed a suit claiming that the largest pay package in history had been granted by a board that was filled with Elon’s homies. The dude’s got a point. 

Elon has 56 billion reasons to appeal the decision. Shares of Tesla fell 2.5% after hours. (Read)

+ Ok, on second thought, maybe paying drivers $170k was a little overkill…

UPS’ revenue came in below the Street’s expectations when the company reported yesterday. The inspo for Doug Heffernan’s employer pointed to lower shipping volume.

And the company wasted no time (over)reacting to the disappointing quarter. UPS announced it’s laying off 12k employees to save ~$1B. Shares fell 8% on the day. (Read)

What else?

+ Tom Brady’s TB12 brand of supplement and apparel is merging with NoBull, the preferred apparel maker of CrossFit bros. Let’s check in on the last time Tom Terrific did a major brand deal, shall we? 

Financial details weren’t released. But Brady will be the number two shareholder in the new NoBull. Founder Mike Repole will be QB1. (Read)

+ Companies know they don’t need to do stock splits now that fractional shares exist, right? Walmart announced a 3-for-1 stock split Tuesday. It claims it wants to make shares affordable for associates. Shares rose 1% on the news. (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Boeing, Mastercard, MetLife, and Qualcomm report

+ Amer Sports (spoiler: they own Wilson and Louisville Slugger) will IPO and start trading

+ We get a rate hike decision from the Fed and a press conference from J-Poww. Don’t expect the Central Bank to cut (or hike) rates.

> Crystal ballin’… Big tech could face pressure after Google and Microsoft’s lackluster earnings reports

Yesterday, I asked Would you rather fly across the country in a Boeing 737 Max 9 (pre-inspections) or have to go to dinner with your ex?

I knew Boeing was down bad, but my God…

68.2% of you would rather go to dinner with your ex. You’re not alone. Apparently, people are doing their best to avoid flying on a 737 Max.

Here’s today’s question…

Elmo asked everyone how they were doing (and almost certainly regretted it).

Which got me thinking, I haven’t checked in on you guys lately. So…

How is everybody doing?

Reply directly to this email.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional