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Hey there weekday warriors,

It’s almost like big pharmacy is being punished for their role in the opioid crisis…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 8 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “notched records and extended impressive streaks Friday as Netflix (NFLX) delivered powerful earnings and set the stage for Big Tech's corporate results in the coming days.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “fell Friday as investors weighed the latest economic data and its potential effect on U.S. monetary policy.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “fell on Friday, declining more than 7% on the week after data showed China's economic growth slowed and investors digested a mixed Middle East outlook.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin climbed steadily through the weekend.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Tesla -0.8% 2) Oklo +15.8% 3) Nvidia +0.7%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ You want fries with that? Shares of fry maker Lamb Weston climbed 10.1% on Friday following reports that Donald Trump was going to work a McDonald’s drive-thru activist investors, including Jana Partners, may push for the company to go private.

– Name someone more insufferable than a BMW driver with their dad’s Amex. You can’t. America Express reported a beat on the top and bottom line Friday. But shares fell 3.1% after the credit card company said its annual guidance will come in at the lower end of expectations.

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Big pharmacy

“Look how they massacred my boy.” - CVS investors

This ain’t CVS’ (-5.2%) first rodeo. It knows studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it [fire people] at the end of the week.

That’s probably why CVS CEO Karen Lynch “stepped down” from her role and relinquished her spot on the board on Friday. But, look on the bright side, Karen, you don’t have to report for duty to Woonsocket, RI anymore…

She’ll be replaced by former Caremark boss David Joyner… who is walking into a buzzsaw d*ck first.

You see, the Walgreens without tobacco products is an absolute clusterf*ck. It’s fighting for its life on 3 fronts…

1. Higher medical costs are wreaking havoc on its insurance biz (Aetna)

2. Those ludicrously capacious physical receipts are becoming just a little bit shorter (think: consumers are spending less at CVS retail outlets)

3. PBMs like CVS Caremark are feeling the pressure to slash prescription costs

All of this has taken its toll on the company’s share price (and Karen Lynch’s career prospects). The stock is down nearly 50% from early 2022 when it was flirting with its all-time high.

Vultures a circling

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the dumpster fire attracted the only type of investors worse than short sellers: the activist variety. Glenview Capital divulged a stake in CVS last month and began pushing for change, especially in the C-Suite.

And for my first order of business…

DJ is getting right to work.

And he is not about to write a check his a** can’t cash. The healthcare juggernaut also announced that it was withdrawing the guidance it shared during its previous earnings call (friendly reminder: that marked the third time in a row it had slashed guidance).

+ “Seems like a next year problem” - Google

Alphabet scored a big W on Friday. The same judge that had claimed the Google (+0.3%) Play Store was a monopoly and forced it to make drastic adjustments postponed the wholesale changes set to go into effect November 1st.

Earlier this month, a judge went nuclear on Google after those snitches over at Epic cried foul. Per the initial ruling, Google would be forced to allow other app stores in the Play Store, be barred from paying apps for exclusivity, and no longer be allowed to demand apps/app stores use its payment system (spoiler: it collects 30% on each transaction).

It’s a much-needed win for Sundar Pichai, who has the long arm of the law elbow deep in his south mouth. Friendly reminder: in addition to this, Google is facing antitrust suits related to its search and ads businesses.

+ Turns out lawyers aren’t cheap…

Rumor has it that AI startup Perplexity, which was sued by the NYT last week for jacking content, is raising money (again). For those of you keeping score at home, that would make it the fourth fundraise of the year of our lord 2024.

Perplexity is hoping to raise nearly $500M at a $9B valuation. The round would nearly triple its most recent valuation in June.

So why does it need all that money? Well, the AI-powered search engine is currently dealing with more lawsuits and allegations than P. Diddy. Pretty much every publisher claims it’s illegally infringing on their copyrights. Simply put, they are Napster and online publishers are the music industry.

Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, they’re trying to dethrone Google. Perhaps you’ve heard of them?

+ What’s even the point of taking a CEO job if you don’t hire the homies and your friend’s kids as interns?

Starbucks’ (+1.6%) new CEO Brian Niccol has brought on his former colleague Tressie Lieberman to head up branding and marketing at the company that never fails to make someone butt hurt with its red holiday cups.

+ "You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin Tylenol PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game."

Bad news for Kenvue (+1.2%), the maker of Tylenol. Activist investor Starboard Value has taken a stake in the consumer healthcare company spun off from J&J earlier this year. And it’s demanding change. Mostly, it would really like Kenvue’s stock price to go up.

+ Tom Brady has 7 tips for being a good teammate—how to apply them at work. #1: Be the absolute GOAT at whatever the f*ck it is you do, and consistently put the team on your back.

+ Meta fires staffers who misused $25 meal credits to buy wine glasses, acne pads: report. If stealing from your company is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

+ How much money should I have saved by 30? Spoiler: probably more than you have…

🔥 Standing desks may be bad for your health — here’s why. Standing upright provides a bigger target for would-be assassins.

🏠 A crisis-era mortgage strategy is making a comeback — and this time it’s bailing out buyers. What could possibly go wrong?

🔥 How a rare type of mortgage is landing homebuyers a 3% rate. Who needs a mortgage when you can squat?

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ On Friday we heard from P&G, Amex, Fifth Third, Regions Financial, and Ally

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Nucor drops earnings this AM

+ Lots of Fed speakers

Friday, I asked, “Where are you tuning in on election night?”

Fox took the W with 35.8%... which surprises me 0%.

CNN came in a very distant second, followed by Twitter/X.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• Write in: "Podcasts. Everything listed sucks and lies."

• Write in: "First Tuesday of weekday MACtion. Ball State Miami is a lock for some silliness."

• Write in: “A rotation is the only acceptable answer”

• Write in: “netflix? honestly it doesn't matter...between push notifications, texts and bottom line scrollers, the results will be everywhere anyways”

• Write in: “ESPN- Bowling green is playing central Michigan….look, I hate our political landscape. It’s choosing drowning or burning to death…either way you die.”

• Write in: "None. I just hope both teams have fun."

• Write in: "I’m not, I won’t watch any of the coverage and I will wait until the next morning to read a recap written by Tyler. Election night coverage is so chaotic."

And here’s today’s question…

+ “Have you guys ever had an iced coffee so strong that for like 4 minutes you have hope?”

🔥 This guy makes a really compelling case as to why Wells Fargo is actually the best bank

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.