Hey there weekday warriors,

On Sunday, I launched THE F*CK ZUCK WATER COOLEST REFERRAL PROGRAM.

I decided that instead of paying Zuck to help grow TWC (via FB and IG ads), I’d rather bribe you guys with cash and prizes.

So, for every subscriber you refer to TWC, you can get…

1) Prizes, like TWC swag and exclusive content (see below)

AND

2) A $1 donation (per referral)

Here’s a breakdown of the referral prizes…

To start referring, just share your unique link (below) with anyone you think might be interested in The Water Coolest. You can email it, post it on social, etc. Get creative.

Ok, let’s get into it. Here’s what we’re talking about today…

• The EU is coming for big tech

• Bitcoin moons

• JetBlue and Spirit make it official

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 17 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “retreated Monday, pushing the S&P 500 and Nasdaq Composite off all-time highs, despite a rallying group of technology stocks tied to the artificial intelligence boom.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield moved “higher on Monday as investors considered the state of the economy and looked ahead to key economic data slated for this week." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “settled lower Monday, as widely expected decision from OPEC+ to extend its current pace of production cuts until the second quarter offered little support amid ongoing concerns tepid demand.” (Reuters)

+ Full Bitcoin coverage below…

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Super Micro Computer +18.6% 2) Nvidia +3.6% 3) C3.ai -5.0%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Following its invite to the S&P 500 on Friday, Super Micro Computer jumped 18.6%. The company has been on a tear thanks to its servers playing nicely with Nvidia’s AI chips.

– Turns out taking a fashion subscription box company public wasn’t a smart move after all. Shares of Stitch Fix fell 14.6% following a piss-poor earnings report, and even worse guidance.

+ Coinbase and MicroStrategy were the biggest beneficiaries of Bitcoin’s march towards its all-time high. COIN rose 11.3% while MSTR climbed 23.5% on the day.

F*ck EU, pay me

Listen, I’m not going to pretend that I fully understand what the point of the EU is. But I’m starting to think it might be to bend over and have its way with US tech companies…

The haters of American innovation were back on their bullsh*t yesterday. The Union fined Apple (-2.5%) $1.95B as part of an antitrust investigation related to its music streaming app practices. To which Tim Cook presumably responded, “that’s my f*ckin ashtray money bro.”

The EU’s fun police claim that Apple wasn’t playing nice with other music streamers. For more than a decade, Apple has not allowed music streaming apps to point users to cheaper subscription alternatives on their websites. Friendly reminder: apps usually pass along the large fees charged by Apple (see: 30% Apple tax) to customers.

Obviously, Apple Music has been able to do whatever it damn well pleases.

Spotify (a European company, for the record) was the snitch who brought this to the Commission’s attention back in 2019.

Unsurprisingly, Apple took a page out of Elon’s playbook and absolutely unloaded on the home of the Joe Rogan Experience following the announcement…

“Today, Spotify has a 56 percent share of Europe’s music streaming market — more than double their closest competitor’s — and pays Apple nothing for the services that have helped make them one of the most recognizable brands in the world.”

It also pointed out that Spotify met with European regulators more than 65 times, confirming what we already knew… that Spotify is a narc.

“This all sounds kinda familiar” - you, probably

That’s because it is.

The EU’s Digital Market Act has already forced Apple to unlock its walled garden. Not only will it have to allow other app stores to play in its ecosystem, but it won’t be able to force app developers to sign Draconian contracts. You know, the kinds that disallow them from telling users there are ways to circumvent in-app signups (…which will be taxed by Apple).

*checks calendar* Those rules go into effect on Thursday…

What to keep an eye on… Individually, billion-dollar fines and pesky rules might not have a material impact on Apple (or all the other big techs that the EU is jealous of). But collectively they could be death by a thousand paper cuts.

And the worst part? It could give the US confidence to begin making similar moves…

+ An Airbnb cofounder's new startup wants to drop factory-made tiny homes into California backyards — see inside its $324,000, two-bedroom unit (Read)

+ I rent out a duplex for $3,000 a month with $240,000 left on the mortgage and a 3.5% interest rate. It’s a hassle. Should I sell? (Read)

~ ICYMI... Couple earns up to $70,000 a month, still feels stressed about money: ‘We’re not broke, but it feels like we are’ (Read)

+ Do you smell that?

It’s the stench of crypto virgins emerging from their parent’s basements to tell the haters, “I told you so.”

As of Monday evening (eastern time), Bitcoin was trading hands at around $68k. Spoiler: that’s just shy of its ATH ($69k).

Bitcoin’s girthy gainz in 2024 can largely be attributed to the dollars flowing into newly minted exchange-traded funds. Thank you for your service, Gary Gensler.

+ Good news, you guys… Spirit Airlines will stick around to remind us to work hard every day so that we can at least afford to fly American.

JetBlue (+4.3%) and Spirit (-10.8%) officially terminated an agreement that would have seen JetBlue acquire the only airline worse than Frontier for $3.8B. Not that it really had a choice… Uncle Sam had filed a lawsuit to block the deal on antitrust grounds.

If it was the US government’s goal to curb stomp Spirit, it’s succeeding. Spirit’s shares closed at an all-time low on Monday. Even before yesterday, the airline had dropped the hard “r” word (see: restructuring).

+ NYCB shares Friday: *fall 26%*

NYCB shares yesterday: “I can go lower.”

Yesterday, shares of New York Community Bank (-23.1%) fell to their lowest point since 1996. Fitch and Moody’s both cut the bank’s credit rating. In fact, Moody’s cut it to below “junk,” which just kinda seems like kicking a guy while he’s down.

The fear now is that a run on NYCB’s deposits could begin.

+ Shares of Tesla fell more than 7% after it reported sales fell in China in February. TSLA has lost nearly ¼ of its value in 2024. And yesterday, Elon lost his spot as the richest man in the world. Jeff Bezos took the crown. Just imagine if Mackenzie didn’t leave his sorry a**…

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Target, NIO, Ross, Nordstrom, CrowdStrike, and Box report. Investors will be keeping an eye on Target’s earnings call for any commentary about inflation…

Here’s today’s question…

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