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Hey there weekday warriors,

Hold on, big changes are coming at Intel.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 24 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

BTW, if you had trouble falling asleep last night, or woke up feeling like you didn’t get the rest you needed, you should check out Beam. Their Dream Powder drink mix works wonders. Thank me later.

+ US stocks “traded mixed on Monday, with tech names struggling ahead of a crucial week dominated by expectations for the Federal Reserve's first interest rate cut in four years.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “slightly lower Monday as investors looked ahead to this week’s Federal Reserve meeting and interest rate decision.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “rose on Monday as the ongoing impact of Hurricane Francine on output in the U.S. Gulf of Mexico offset persistent Chinese demand concerns ahead of this week's U.S. Federal Reserve interest rate cut decision.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “fell on Monday, reversing course after a short-lived weekend rebound, with focus squarely on a Federal Reserve meeting this week where the central bank is expected to cut interest rates.” (Investing)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -1.9% 2) Apple -2.7% 3) Intel +6.3% // +7.8% after hours

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Imagine being in a worse position as a publicly traded company than having Apollo Global Management and Elliott breathing down your neck. You can’t. That’s Bausch + Lomb’s nightmare at the moment. Rumor has it that B+L is feeling pressure to sell itself and isn’t exactly opposed to the idea. Bausch Health spun off B+L in 2020 but still owns 88% of the world’s largest contact lens maker. Shares popped 14.4% on the news.

– Pour one out for Tupperware. The brand of food containers, with lids that you can never find, is reportedly preparing to declare bankruptcy. The brand is saddled with sh*tloads of debt and doesn’t believe it can turn things around even after renegotiating with lenders. Shares cratered 57.1% after Bloomberg broke the news.

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Fabulous news

Does your investment criteria include “capital-intensive businesses that literally set money on fire?” Well, I’ve got some good news for you…

Intel (+6.3% // +7.8% after hours) is creating a separate entity to house the sh*tshow that is its foundry business. It’s the semiconductor industry equivalent of rich parents shipping their kid with a learning disability off to boarding school…

Once the chip manufacturing biz is out of sight and out of mind, it’ll have its own independent board and be able to take outside funding. Which it will need since Intel poured $25B into the build-out of manufacturing facilities and fab tech… in each of the past two years.

The chip-making entity will still be an Intel subsidiary, but this could be the first step towards Intel spinning it off as a separate publicly traded company and forgetting this whole thing ever happened.

But wait, there’s more…

That wasn’t the only good news if you’re an Intel investor who hates underperforming lines of business. Intel also plans to sell off part of its stake in Altera, a maker of programmable logic devices.

Plus, the company announced a major multi-billion dollar deal with Amazon to produce an AI chip for AWS. That’s right, it’s about to actually make some semiconductors in those big, expensive plants.

The moves weren’t totally unexpected…

Intel CEO Pat Gelsinger recently pleaded with his board to spare his sorry a** presented a turnaround plan to Intel’s board last week. And the company had already announced it would lay off 15k employees as part of its plan to find $10B in savings.

Big changes were inevitable, considering shares of Intel are down nearly 60% in 2024 alone. That’s only made worse by the fact that it has failed to capitalize on the AI revolution even a little bit…

+ Lauren Sanchez in her group chat: “yea, idk if jeff is ‘the one’”…

Yesterday, Larry Ellison, the founder of Oracle, passed Jeff Bezos to become the world’s second-richest person. Both are still a distant second to Elon Musk, whose fortune is ~$250B, according to Forbes.

Larry has his son’s purchase of Paramount Oracle’s (+5.1%) stock price to thank for his rapid climb up the list. Shares are up nearly 25% this month, due mostly to a big earnings beat and hiking guidance for next year.

And, if you guessed the boom can all be traced back to AI, you’d be correct. Ellison took time on the company’s most recent earnings call to remind everyone who will be building all the data centers that will power the AI boom (spoiler: it’s Oracle).

+ Turns out touting vague upgrades like “best iPhone displays ever” doesn’t exactly get the people going…

Apple (-2.7%) shares fell after reports that iPhone 16 pre-sales have been underwhelming.

And it makes sense… the upgrade supercycle hype is related to the launch of Apple Intelligence (think: AI). Just one problem… that doesn’t actually ship until next month. And even then, not all of the features will be available. Tim Cook is out here shipping N64s but telling us we can’t get our hands on any games for a month…

Of course, it’s probably worth noting that the data is largely backed into by some analysts looking at shipping times on Apple.com and beginning some 7-year-old at a sweatshop in China to give him production figures.

But hey, on the bright side, Apple scored FDA approval for its sleep apnea monitoring tech.

+ Turns out that micromanaging your workforce is tough when your employees work from home.

Amazon (-0.8%) is getting its return to office on (that’s 5 days a week, folks), beginning in early 2025.

In what may be the most buzzword-dense, corporate jargon word vomit ever spun up by a head of comms, CEO Andy Jassy said “it’s easier for our teammates to learn, model, practice, and strengthen our culture; collaborating, brainstorming, and inventing are simpler and more effective; teaching and learning from one another are more seamless; and, teams tend to be better connected to one another.”

He has a point, it’s much easier to discuss how much you hate your job in office than on closely monitored instant messaging platforms.

What else?

+ Microsoft Announces $60 Billion Buyback, Raises Dividend 10%. Thank you for your service, OpenAI.

+ Strike could cost Boeing $100 million-plus in daily revenue, analysts say. You might be having a bad year, but just remember that it will never be as bad as Boeings.

+ Chipotle adds automation, 'autocado' robot helps make guacamole. Is nothing sacred any more?

+ 66-year-old billionaire says there’s 1 trait it takes to succeed: ‘It doesn’t matter how much experience they have’. “Use ChatGPT or offshoring services to complete your job, while you do something you love.”

+ Wall Street bets surge for jumbo half-point cut by Fed — here’s what that means for your wallet.

+ 9 Reasons this Card is Your Ticket to Your Dream Vacation. Drinks on a flight that you paid for with points just hit different. Change my mind.

+ Lego’s Business Cards Are Made of Lego—but Not for Long. These things rule.

🔥 This college has the highest-paid graduates—it’s not Harvard, Princeton or any Ivy League school. “The school of hard knocks” - the guy who grew up in the Connecticut suburbs

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday, Microsoft hosted an event to pitch its Copilot tech

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Retail sales data drops

+ The IPO lockup period ends for Reddit

+ Salesforce Dreamforce kicks off

+ Electronic Arts hosts its first investor day since 2016

+ The two-day FOMC meeting gets underway

Yesterday, I asked, “You get $10k right now, but you can't upgrade your current phone for the rest of your life. You taking the money?”

71.7% of you are taking phone upgrades. Tim Cook thanks you for your service.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• No (I need a new phone): "$10k ?!?! Is that a typo? What are we, peasants?"

• No (I need a new phone): "$10k will likely be the price tag on the iPhone 87, anyways…"

• Yes (give me the money): "Under the caveat that the phone will work the rest of my life, and Tim Apple won't nerf my phone with updates that don't work for a model that's outdated by 18 months." He will. But enjoy your $10k.

• No (I need a new phone): "$10k is ashtray money"

• Yes (give me the money): "Actually want flip phone life back" You found the loophole that you can simply downgrade your phone.

• No (I need a new phone): "At the rate phones update features and capabilities, we could miss out on a massive quality-of-life change." Can’t wait for the Apple x Fl*shlight collab.

• Yes (give me the money): "Eventually my phone will be too outdated to even open DraftKings so that I can invest my $10K"

Here’s today’s question…

+ I am never staying in an Airbnb again…

🔥 There’s no such thing as a stupid ques—

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.