Hey there weekday warriors,

I’ve got some terrible news. Guy Fieri isn’t as cool as you think. He’s making his kids get not one, but two degrees if they want all that Flavortown money.

Here’s what else we’re getting into…

• Apple halts watch sales just before Christmas

• Nikola’s founder sentenced

• Major steel deal

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 2 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “closed higher Monday, shrugging off attempts from Federal Reserve officials to cool expectations for sooner rather than later rate cuts." (Investing.com)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “rose Monday to start the last full trading week of 2023." (CNBC)

+ Oil "rose nearly 2% on Monday as investors worried about disruptions to maritime trade and supply costs after the Iran-aligned Yemeni Houthi militant group attacked ships in the Red Sea." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “slipped under $41,000 Monday morning, erasing the previous week's gains as its rally cooled.” (Decrypt)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +2.43% 2) Tesla -0.56% 3) Apple -0.85%.

Find My Watch

The plot for Jingle All The Way 2 just wrote itself…

Instead of Arnold and Sinbad hoping to land a Turbo Man for their kid in time for Christmas, the two older gentlemen are trying to score an Apple Watch with the blood oxygen feature to better manage their chronic pulmonary diseases…

I’ve got bad news for last-minute holiday shoppers. At least two versions of the Apple Watch just got harder to find. Or at least they will be later this week.

Apple is pausing some of its watch sales, specifically those with blood oxygen readers built in, as of Thursday at 3 PM online and Sunday in stores. For you Apple nerds out there, the impacted models are the Apple Watch Series 9 and Apple Watch Ultra 2.

Y tho?

You’re not going to believe this, but it has NOTHING to do with those watches’ main components being the blood, sweat, and tears of child laborers in Asia. Nope, it has to do with an intellectual property complaint brought by medical device maker Masimo.

The US International Trade Commission ruled in October that Apple needed to stop importing the watches and selling them in the US by December 25th. Apple appealed and although there’s been no final decision, Apple wanted to get out in front of it/not have to work on Christmas.

It appears Masimo is onto something. Apple poached their Chief Medical Officer and other employees back in 2020. Then in 2021, it rolled out a watch that could detect blood flow, which included tech that appeared eerily similar to that of Masimo’s. Fun fact: the FDA recently approved Masimo’s first “wrist-worn product” (aka a f*cking watch).

Apple closed down about 1% on the day. Masimo jumped 3.1% on the day (spoiler: it had nothing to do with investors fearing the med tech player was coming for Apple’s wearable’s crown…)

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+ Should You Buy the 3 Highest-Paying Dividend Stocks in the Dow Jones? (Read)

+ Gen X has the largest wealth gap of any generation: ‘Retirement is going to be a nightmare’ (Read)

+ The credit score needed to buy a house in 2024 (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... Mortgage rates are dropping. Here’s what to expect in 2024 if you want to buy a home, experts say (Read)

+ Honestly, everyone who took a company public via SPAC in 2020 should do at least 4 years of hard time…

Trevor Milton, the founder and former CEO of Nikola, which, to date, has produced about as many cars as Apple, was sentenced to 4 years in prison. His crime? Being a douche Two counts of wire fraud and one count of securities fraud.

Trev (cool if I call you that?) lied about his company over and over again, which, turns out, is securities fraud. Arguably his biggest scheme was the time he rolled a Nikola truck down a hill and hailed it as a working prototype. Apparently, the DOJ has never heard of faking it til you make it… (Read)

+ Andrew Carnegie, J.P. Morgan and Charles Schwab are rolling over in their graves right now…

US Steel is about to be owned by a… wait for it… Japanese company. Yesterday, the 122-year-old US steelmaker entered an agreement to be bought by Nippon Steel for $14B.

Shares jumped more than 25% to just shy of $50. The deal values the stock at ~$55/share. The offer is a yuge premium to where the stock was trading this summer before a Cleveland Cliffs’ offer set off a bidding war.

Now excuse me while I go watch ‘The Men Who Built America’. (Read)

+ Amazon just went full send on sports rights. As in, going from carrying Thursday Night Football and the occasional Yankees game… to controlling the TV rights for 12 MLB teams and 15 NBA teams.

The company is reportedly in talks to invest in Diamond Sports Group, the company that became public enemy #1 of sports fans and franchises when it filed for bankruptcy and left many teams homeless. (Read)

+ European competitive watchdogs are why we can’t have nice things. The fun police across the pond forced Adobe to call off its proposed $20B acquisition of Figma. The two parties cited insurmountable regulatory hurdles in the EU and UK.

In case you haven’t noticed, the European Union and United Kingdom have had a hard-on for c*ck-blocking tech deals as of late. Perhaps they think it’ll give their tech sector time to catch up? (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ FedEx, Accenture, and FactSet report

On Friday, I asked From what restaurant would you most want a Gold Card/Free Meals For Life perk?

It’s Chick-Fil-A’s world, and we’re just living in it (thank God). It wasn’t even close, really.

Chipotle, Popeye’s, and In-N-Out also got some love.

Here’s today’s question…

Guy Fieri said he refuses to leave his kids any money unless they get two degrees…

What are your thoughts on leaving your kids money?

Reply directly to this email. I’ll share the best answers tomorrow.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.