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Hey there weekday warrior,

America’s got a new President and a new National Champ. What a time to be alive.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 13 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

PS, I want to send one of you guys on a 4-day cruise in the Bahamas. Check out all the details below (hint: it’s the section with the pic of the tropical island paradise)

First day of school

Bah gawd, that’s Donald Trump’s music…

America got its peaceful transfer of power on yesterday (take notes, rest of the world). Donald J. Trump was sworn in as the 47th President of the United States, becoming just the second President to serve two non-consecutive terms.

The inauguration had it all…

• Elon being Elon when he heard the word Mars

• Zuck proving he might be a real human after all (see: sneaking a peek at what Lauren Sanchez had to offer)

  • Side note: imagine if Barron didn’t land a Mag 7 internship. It was a who’s who of tech titans in the Capitol Rotunda.

• The First Lady looking like the Pizza Hut logo

• Carrie Underwood going all “f*ck it, we’ll do it live”

Of course, that was just the dog and pony show…

Donny Politics got down to business soon after he was sworn in (without his hand on the Bible… which I’m pretty sure is going to be a plot line in the next National Treasure movie). He claimed that he was going to ink more than 100 executive orders on day one.

But there was at least one thing he didn’t get around to: slapping tariffs on our foreign adversaries and frenemies alike (*’America First’ chant erupts*). Even though the import taxes won’t go into effect on Day 1, Trump said he’ll fire off a broad memorandum demanding agencies (and any other government employee who’s about to return to office) leave no stone unturned on the economic and trade policy front.

Gary Gensler can’t hurt you anymore

Good news, crypto investors… Gary Gensler has ridden off into the sunset, presumably to yell at Bitcoin holders to get off of his lawn. The SEC Chair vacated his seat as promised, and that collective sigh of relief is that of major banks… who are about to test the limits of too big to fail.

The new President named Mark Uyeda, a current Shortseller Enrichment Commission member, as acting Commish. If all goes according to plan, Trump’s nominee for the role, Paul Atkins, will ascend the throne in the coming weeks.

Speaking of crypto…

Bitcoin hit an all-time high on Monday, crossing $109k thanks in part to Gensler’s departure… and Trump’s pro-crypto policy agenda.

Just how bullish is the Donald J.? Welp, most of his net worth is currently wrapped up in it. The Commander in Chief launched his own meme coin ($TRUMP) on Friday. And it quickly went to the f*cking moon, reaching a valuation of nearly $40B over the weekend. Did I mention that Donald’s holding companies own nearly 80% of the outstanding coins?

After seeing the success of her husband’s sh*tcoin, Melania went all “you son of a b*tch, I’m in.” $MELANIA launched on Sunday afternoon and quickly hit a $4.4B valuation.

Your move, Barron…

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+ “We’re Costco employees, of course we get discounts on strike supplies…”

Costco’s (+2.5%) union employees just voted to go on strike if the suits upstairs don’t offer up a more juicy labor contract by the end of the month. More than 18k Costco workers already rejected a proposal from HQ that didn’t satisfy the red-vest mafia’s needs for higher pay and less sh*tty retirement benefits. I swear to god, if this strike forces Costco to hike the price on hot dogs…

+ TikTok lives to fight another 75 days…

TikTokkers have to give it up for Donny Politics… again. Immediately after inauguration, #47 signed an executive order directing the AG not to enforce the TikTok ban for 75 days… because “seems like an April problem.” Over the weekend, Perplexity AI was the latest company to slide into ByteDance’s DMs with an offer to buy up TikTok. Your move, MrBeast…

And some news from Friday that we didn't get to because of the day off...

+ The DOJ is suing Walgreens (-3.1%) for dispensing “unlawful” scripts. And that one guy you went to high school that never left town, be like, “what kinda ‘unlawful scripts?’” The suit alleges that Walgreens pressured pharmacists to fill shady prescriptions (spoiler: opioids) without giving them the time to check for red flags, like reviewing any prescriptions signed by Dr. Mantis Toboggan.

Meanwhile, Walgreens went all “Wait, that’s not illegal,” and they might have a point since the DOJ can’t seem to point to a specific law that Walgreens’ policies violated. The DOJ claims that company policies, like the ‘Verify By Promise Time’ which require scripts to be filled within 15 minutes, rushed pharmacists, and compromised safety. As if anyone has ever gotten a prescription filled within 15 minutes.

+ Some Starbucks (+0.7%) execs are about to be #OpentoWork. CEO Brian Niccol announced that he’ll be eliminating several corporate positions as part three of part two of his Venti-sized plan to make overpriced lattes great again. The move won’t affect in-store Keurig-operators baristas, which make up 95% of the ‘buck’s employees. The pink slips are only coming to the corporate stiffs as Niccol is brewing up the same bureaucracy-beatdown strategy that worked for him back in his Chipotle (-1.4%) CEO days. Next up… add breakfast burritos to the menu, with an extra charge for guac.

GTFOOO (Get The F*ck Out Of Office)

Listen, I'm not here to judge. Maybe you need to lie low for a while until a Federal investigation dies down (*looks up extradition laws in international waters*).

Or maybe returning to the office has got you this close to going all Milton from ‘Office Space.’

Either way, we could all use a little escape from the rat race.

Which is why I teamed up with a few of my favorite newsletters to give away a 4-night cruise to the Bahamas for 2 (presumably me + you).

It's pretty simple...

1. Head to the giveaway website

2. Enter to win

3. Patiently wait (...while I rig the giveaway for a TWC reader)

The contest ends on January 23rd.

So what are you waiting for? Enter right now.

+ 4 Housing Market Predictions For 2025, According to Experts. #2: Everyone who locked in a 2.5% mortgage rate in 2020 will continue to make it their entire personality.

+ 72-year-old hotel tycoon cautions against a major character flaw in successful people: ‘Never get caught by hubris’

🔥 Gen Z loves maximalist home decor — here's all the wacky styles they crave. Shiplap… save you a click.

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

+ US stock “trading on the New York Stock Exchange and Nasdaq [were] closed for the Martin Luther King Day holiday, but there was limited futures trading.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year yield took the day off Monday for MLK Day.

+ Oil “prices settled lower on Monday after U.S. President Donald Trump was sworn in for a second time, and said he would immediately declare a national energy emergency, promising to fill up strategic reserves and export American energy all over the world.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “spiked to a new all-time high early Monday but pulled back following the inauguration of President Donald Trump.” (CNBC)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Trump Media & Technology Group -2.3% 2) Microstrategy +8.0% 3) Tesla +3.0%

⏪ Yesterday markets were closed for MLK Jr. Day. Oh, and it also happened to be Inauguration Day.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ 3M and Charles Schwab report before the bell

+ Netflix, Interactive Broker, Capital One, United Airlines, and Seagate drop earnings this evening

+ Monster hosts its 2025 Analyst Day. The Guinness Book of World Records will be on hand to confirm the largest gathering of dudes named Kyle.

Friday, I asked, “What's the best Nintendo console?”

N64 won easily, with just shy of 40% of the vote, which says everything you need to know about TWC's audience. Original Nintendo and Super Nintendo rounded out the top 3.

• N64: “N64 and it is isn’t even close. This system has had almost as much of a positive impact on my life as alcohol. And the two work together seamlessly.”

• N64: “Original Mario kart still f*cks”

• N64: “Core memory is being the first one (that I know of) to beat Goldeneye on 007 level!”

• Wii: "My brother and I played Lego Star Wars on the Wii until the disk broke; nothing tops childhood nostalgia”

• GameCube: "Super Smash Bros. Melee”

• N64: "The first true multi player system. A lot of pizza and beers around that unit in high school/college.”

• N64: "Just blow in the cartridge and solve all life's problems. GoldenEye 007 went so hard too.”

And here’s today’s question…

In honor of Monster’s analyst day…

+ Alabama fans calling into C-SPAN to complain about the CFP

+ The corporate equivalent of hitting a 5-game parlay

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.