Hey there weekday warriors,

Today we’re asking “Uhh, what took so long, GameStop?” And we’ll dive into some concerning changes as OpenAI.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 12 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “ended mostly higher Friday, with the Dow Jones Industrial Average’s modest gains taking the blue-chip gauge to a finish above 40,000 for the first time ever.” (MarketWatch)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “rose on Friday as investors considered the state of the economy after digesting the week’s economic data." (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled higher Friday, wrapping up the week with a win as signs of slowing U.S. inflation boosted rate cut hopes just as China rolled out more stimulus, giving a big boost to hopes for firmer demand.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin was relatively flat over the weekend.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -1.9% 2) GameStop -19.7% 3) Blackberry -2.9%

The market moves you need to know about…

– Cracker Barrel got rekt after the chain slashed its dividend by more than 80%. The stock fell 14.4% on the day.

+ Imagine being caught in public with a Nook in 2024. Shares of Barnes & Noble, the company that probably laughed at Jeff Bezos when he decided to sell anything besides books, mooned 152.6% on news of a potential deal that would delay the inevitable (read: bankruptcy)…

Stop, Stop! He’s already dead…

Better late than never I guess…

Ryan Cohen is the Cal Naughton Jr. to Adam Aron’s Ricky Bobby (in the first half of ‘Talladega Nights’). The GameStop CEO just cannot stop coming in second place (read: last).

On Friday, GameStop (-19.7%) finally decided to sell some stonk to take advantage of the meme stonk flair-up sparked by Roaring Kitty early last week. That’s four trading days and one massive reversal of fortune too late (friendly reminder: AMC sold stock on Monday).

The brick-and-mortar retailer, which literally has no business still existing, has filed paperwork to sell up to 45M shares at market price. Which, for the record, is ~$21 per share.

The move was about as well-received as Scottie Scheffler’s attempts to get into the PGA Championship by Louisville PD on Friday morning. Shares fell ~20%.

Ok, well, what should new investors expect?

Funny you should ask… GameStop also announced preliminary quarterly results Friday.

And, welp, it’s still a really, really terrible investment.

GME expects sales to come in between $872M and $892M, which is a huge drop-off from the same period last year (spoiler: $1.24B).

On the bright side, it expects its loss to narrow to between $27M and $37M. That’s down from $50M in the year-earlier period. Of course, that probably has something to do with its store closings and layoffs that just scream “The end is near.”

+ “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they 'could', that they didn't stop to think if they 'should'.” - literally everyone to Sam Altman in like 3 years

OpenAI just disbanded the team, dubbed “Superalignment”, tasked with considering the long-term risks artificial intelligence poses. Which is the AI equivalent of GM defunding its airbag team.

The move to dissolve the team isn't exactly surprising considering OpenAI co-founder Ilya Sutskever and Jan Leike, who led the Superaligment team, resigned last week.

On Friday, Leike went scorched earth on his former employer. And rumor has it that Sustskever and Sam Altman had butted heads over safety concerns in the past.

+ You’re not going to believe this, but a Boeing aircraft is dealing with some major issues.

The launch of Boeing’s (+1.0%) Starliner, which was expected to bring astronauts to space, was delayed (again) on Friday. This time, a “helium leak” pushed back the flight until later this week (at the earliest). And at this point, I bet those astronauts would take their chances in a Titan submarine vs. taking off in Boeing’s shuttle.

No word on if the engineers who blew the whistle on the leak have been moved to a safe house, or if they’ll get got like those other poor b*stards.

+ On Friday, Mercedes-Benz rebuffed a powerful entity’s advances. And maybe if it had done the same in 1939 history would have been a little different (people don’t forget…).

Mercedes’ Alabama factory handed the United Auto Workers union a major L. Nearly 60% of workers voted against joining the UAW.

The defeat could slow the UAW’s expansion in the south.

+ J-Poww is down with the sickness.

The Fed Chair is working from home after contracting COVID… again. He’s expected to make a full recovery… unlike my portfolio if he doesn’t cut rates soon.

Uhh,

+ The class of 2024 is facing a tough job market. Here’s who’s hiring, according to LinkedIn (Read)

+ How to buy a great bottle of wine—and which ones to ‘stay completely away from,’ according to a sommelier (Read)

Friday was pretty, pretty quiet.

Here's what we’re keeping an eye on today...

+ Li Auto reports this AM

+ Palo Alto Networks and Zoom report after the bell… not that anyone gives a damn about Zoom anymore

+ Microsoft’s Build event gets underway

+ A bunch of Fed speakers take the mic

Yesterday, I asked, “What are your thoughts on Adidas Sambas?”

53.1% of you wondered, “WTF is a Samba?”

Here’s today’s question…

Before you go…

This thread of all the best Scottie Scheffler memes is worth a few minutes of mindless scrolling (Tweet)

Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.