Hey there weekday warriors,

Amazon is installing ZenBooths at its warehouses to keep workers from, well, you know…

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• RIP TikTok (maybe)

• Dollar Tree cutting costs

• Under Armour’s founder is back

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 19 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “were a mixed bag on Wednesday with the S&P 500's record-setting run hitting pause as several tech giants saw their stocks retreat.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “climbed on Wednesday as investors considered the latest inflation data and weighed the state of the economy." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “rose about 3% to a four-month high on Wednesday on a surprise withdrawal in U.S. crude inventories, a bigger-than-expected drop in U.S. gasoline stocks and potential supply disruptions after Ukrainian attacks on Russian refineries.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “climbed above $73,000 early Wednesday, adding 2.5% in 24 hours to reverse Tuesday’s losses after a $360 million liquidation event sent prices tumbling.” (Coindesk)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -1.1% 2) TSMC -1.5% 3) Tesla -4.5%

The market moves you need to know about…

– WW, the company formerly known as Weight Watchers (because it’s 2024 and you can’t say the “w” word) fell 11.9% on reports that some lenders had lawyered up and wanted to talk debt.

– That might be all she wrote for Allbirds. Shares of the DTC shoemaker plummeted 19.3% following a piss-poor earnings call and announcing its CEO will be replaced by its current COO.

Get Ready (To Get Banned) With Me

It’s a bad day to be a big tech Product Manager who’s made their entire identity posting day in the life TikToks…

The Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act (if I were a lawmaker, I’d introduce legislation that only allows Congress to put bills to a vote if it’s a sweet acronym) was approved by the House of Representatives.

In case you don’t subscribe to C-SPAN+, the PAFACAA is the bill that is hoping to ban TikTok. Well, technically it would force ByteDance to divest TikTok.

Unlike most things in DC, the TikTok ban has moved at an alarmingly speedy pace. Because the only thing that can bring the right and left together is a mutual disdain for China. Have they tried this in the Middle East?

The bill was introduced on March 5th and was approved unanimously by the Energy and Commerce Committee. The unprecedented move probably had something to do with TikTok thinking it was a good idea to send a push notification to its 170M US users. The message asked TikTok-ers to call their representatives and help save TikTok.

What’s next?

The bill moves to the Senate for a vote. Its fate is a bit more unclear there. Partially because Republican megadonor/TikTok investor Keith Rabois has said he would “never fund any Republican candidates or leadership PACs (or the NRSC) run by Republicans who vote against the TikTok legislation.”

For what it’s worth, recent TikTok user and current President Joe Biden has said he’d sign the bill into law if it makes its way through Congress…

Tyler’s take… Just for a second, let’s assume the bill passes. And let’s assume that Bytedance decides to divest instead of shuttering the app/allowing the ban to wreak havoc on its growth…

Some analysts think the US assets of TikTok could fetch as much as $60B. But it’s not totally clear who would be a likely suitor. In the current environment, it’s safe to assume regulators wouldn’t allow a big tech company to buy TikTok. Private equity could make sense. They are flush with cash, after all.

My guess? A company that would love nothing more than to get its hands on TikTok Shop. That’s right… Walmart.

+ Markets don’t seem to care about the presidential election, but that could change soon (Read)

+ I earn 6 figures working just 10 hours a week. Here's how I rate my 8 income streams based on difficulty and earning potential. (Read)

~ ICYMI... Homebuyers need to earn 80% more than in 2020 to afford a house in this market. It’s not just due to high mortgage rates (Read)

+ Today in things that make no sense: a dollar store not figuring out how to thrive in an environment when consumers are ultra cost-conscious…

Dollar Tree (-14.2%) got put in a body bag after reporting earnings Wednesday AM. Shares fell 14%. Not only did the company miss bigly on the top and bottom lines, but it announced it will close nearly 1k locations. Have no fear, America… Dollar Tree will continue to operate more than 15k stores…

The dollar store swung to a loss in the quarter, thanks to some massive charges related to the shutdowns. And it probably didn’t help that its guidance for revenue and profitability both came in closer to the midpoint of the Street’s expectations.

No pressure, Dollar General (… which reports today).

Tyler’s take… The company said it’s having a hard time getting enough merch into stores so that consumers can respond. I call bullsh*t. Why can’t they just say that Temu is eating their lunch?

+ Kevin Plank is pulling a Steve Jobs…

Four years after stepping down as CEO of the company he founded, Kevin Plank is returning to lead Under Armour (-0.7% after hours, although shares rose nearly 6% immediately after the announcement). He’ll replace Stephanie Linnartz who has been in the role for just a year.

Plank will relinquish his role as chairman of the board. But he managed to backfill his pretty massive shoes. Mohamed El-Erian, the chief economist at Allianz, will take over as board chair.

And whatever Under Armour’s HR team is getting paid, it isn’t enough. You might recall that Plank got pushed out as CEO in 2019 after a handful of PR nightmares. Like being a regular at the strip club down the street from UA HQ and his “relationship” with MSNBC host Stephanie Ruhle.

+ Note to self: do not invest in a car company founded by Henrik Fisker…

Henrik’s (cool name, bad operator) latest car company, Fisker (-46.6% after hours), is on the ropes. It hired a financial advisor and law firm to help navigate a potential (read: definite) bankruptcy filing.

The company, which went public via SPAC back in 2020 (so, there were signs), issued a going concern warning last month. It cited more than $1B in debt and $273M in sales… which is more than I would have guessed.

+ Don Lemon got canceled… again. Elon Musk has reportedly canceled Don’s show that was slated to air on X/Twitter. Elon was Lemon’s first guest and pulled the plug on the show after the sit-down. That’s showbiz, baby.

+ You hate to see it. After falling another 4.5% yesterday, Tesla is now the worst-performing S&P 500 stock YTD. Or as Cathie Wood would call it… a buying opportunity.

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Dick's Sporting Goods, Dollar General, Adobe, Blink Charging, and Ulta Beauty report. Dollar General investor’s buttholes are probably pretty tight after yesterday’s Dollar Tree earnings…

+ The Producer Price Index and retail sales data for February drop.

Yesterday I asked, “What else should you be able to pay $49 for on an airplane?”

Really shocked Boeing was only #3…

1. Person in front of you can’t recline

2. Private bathroom no one else can use

3. Not having to fly on a Boeing jet

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Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

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