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Hey there weekday warrior,

Today, we’re getting into the sh*tshow in the Middle East, the Air India tragedy, and Nvidia going above and beyond for its shareholders. But first...

In the June 13, 2018 edition of The Water Coolest, we shared that AT&T would become the proud owner of Time Warner. After nearly 2 years of legal wrangling, a judge gave the $85B deal with green light… and I bet AT&T really wishes he didn’t.

AT&T put on an absolute clinic in f*cking up an acquisition. Things went sideways almost immediately. Turns out, a telecom company had no business running a media juggernaut.

In May 2021, AT&T announced a spin-off of WarnerMedia, with plans to return to its roots (overcharging for iPhone service). Later in 2021, WarnerMedia merged with Discovery to become Warner Bros. Discovery. And you might remember that earlier this week, WBD said it was splitting its streaming (and studio) and cable assets.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 13 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Going nuclear

The good news is that if you’re reading this, it’s still spring… and not nuclear winter…

ICYMI, all hell broke loose in the Middle East last night. Israel made Iran wish it had never launched a nuclear program. Iran vowed to “retaliate,” to which Israel and the US responded, “Aw, that’s cute.”

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu outlined Operation Rising Lion in a recorded video message: “We struck at the heart of Iran's nuclear enrichment program. We struck at the heart of Iran's nuclear weaponization program. We targeted Iran's main enrichment facility in Natanz. We targeted Iran's leading nuclear scientists working on the Iranian bomb. We also struck at the heart of Iran's ballistic missile program.”

He promised Israel would continue getting its shock and awe on until the job is done. And by ‘job is done’ I mean taking Iran’s nuclear capabilities offline/sending the Islamic Republic back to the Stone Age.

So… WW3?

Listen, I don’t know sh*t about f*ck…

But, markets sure are acting like Archduke Franz Ferdinand just got murcked in Sarajevo. Stonk futures plummeted on news that Israel has taken its Palantir tech out of beta testing.

There was one sector that was all green, though: defense contractors. The usual military-industrial complex suspects (think: Lockheed, Raytheon & Northrop Grumman) mooned in extended extended trading. Friendly reminder: you can trade 24 hours on Robinhood now.

Oil prices rocketed (too soon?) higher, too.

And we can all agree the worst part of this is that Jamie Dimon is going to say, “I told you so,” right?

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+ “Fugayzi, fugazi. It's a whazy. It's a woozie. It's fairy dust. It doesn't exist. It's never landed. It is no matter. It's not on the elemental chart. It’s not f*cking real.” - Jensen Huang when asked about China

Nvidia’s $NVDA ( ▼ 2.09% ) innovation isn’t just reserved for the engineers. It appears that the culture of outside-the-box thinking extends to the finance team. You see, going forward, Nvidia plans to exclude China (you know, the world’s second-largest economy) from its top and bottom line forecasts. And is ‘China Adjusted forecast’ the new ‘Community Adjusted EBITDA’ (sup, WeWork)?

Uncle Sam’s restrictions have made it damn near impossible for Nvidia and others to sling chips in China. NVDA developed the H20 chip to circumvent the restrictions, but even that requires a special license now.

And Obi Huang Kenobi has got receipts. In Q1 alone, restrictions on shipments to China cost the company nearly $2.5B. That number is expected to balloon in Q2 and beyond… hence why Nvidia plans to treat China like China treats Taiwan (think: it doesn’t exist).

+ That sound you hear is Netflix, Hulu, and HBO Max scrambling to make docuseries about Vishwash Kumar Ramesh.

Vishwash was reportedly the only survivor of yesterday’s Air India crash that claimed 241 lives.

Since I know you’re wondering… yes, it was a Boeing $BA ( ▼ 1.68% ) jet. But it was a 787 Dreamliner, not the 737 MAX. This was the first-ever crash of Boeing’s Dreamliner. As you might have guessed, shares of Boeing fell on the news, as did GE Aerospace, which built the plane’s engines.

+ “Did you try turning it off and back on again?”

Google $GOOGL ( ▼ 0.59% )  broke the internet yesterday. And I mean that in the worst way possible. Google Cloud disruptions brought down yuge swaths of Al Gore’s internet, including Discord, Spotify, and, yes, Google.

+ Congrats to everyone who had “Trump calling Jerome Powell a ‘numbskull’” on their 2025 BINGO card…

So why’d Trump drop the n-word? To (re-)apply pressure to J-Poww, of course. The President called for the Fed Chair to lower rates after the producer price index (read: inflation data) came in below economists’ estimates. That was the second promising inflation print in as many days.

Your move, Jerry Interest Rates…

+ Dave Ramsey would like a word. There's a much easier way to pay down crippling debt faster, you guys. Spoiler: it's using a no-interest credit card. Some of the top credit card experts identified one of their favorites that puts interest on ice until nearly 2027 AND offers up to 5% cash back on qualifying purchases. Start paying down debt faster with this top pick. [FYI, this is a partner post]

+ US stocks “moved higher on Thursday as President Trump again urged the Fed for a jumbo rate cut amid easing inflation pressures despite renewing "take it or leave it" tariff threats on trading partners.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “dropped for a second day Thursday as investors weighed muted inflation gains and the White House's trade negotiations.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled slightly lower on Thursday as traders booked profits from a 4% rally in the prior session, driven by concerns that worsening tensions in the Middle East could cause supply disruptions.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Lovesac reported before the bell

+ Adobe and RH reported after the bell

+ ADP, BlackRock, and Cardinal Health hosted Investor Day events

+ The producer price index report for May was released

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ The University of Michigan consumer sentiment survey for June drops

Yesterday, I asked, “Your significant other has been kidnapped and is being held in a location 30 minutes away. You're driving to rescue them. It's a warm summer night and your windows are down. Do you listen to music on the way there?”

69.8% of you said “Yes.”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

• Yes: “Something with wicked guitar solos, like Radar love, or Freebird”

• No: “Nope, game face on and thinking of creative ways to torture the kidnapper”

• Yes: “Bad Day - Daniel Powter”

• Yes: ““Triumph” by Wu-Tang Clan while I make it there in 18 minutes. “REUNITED” from the same album on the ride home with wifey.”

Here’s today’s question…

Turns out a f*ck ton of millennials are still on their parent’s family phone plan (including me)…

tboypod

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Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.

Sent from my BlackBerry Storm 2. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.