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Hey there weekday warriors,

Google just did what it does best: crush earnings.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 34 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “led a mixed day for markets on Tuesday as investors digested new data on job openings and absorbed a fresh wave of earnings, with Alphabet kicking off the Big Tech giants after the market close.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “were little changed Tuesday, with the 10-year Treasury yield trading at its highest level since July as investors looked to upcoming economic data.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “closed slightly lower on Tuesday, adding to a more than 6% drop in the previous session, on a report that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu will hold a meeting for a diplomatic solution to the war in Lebanon.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin rose above $72k on Tuesday thanks to “growing bets on a Republican victory in the upcoming U.S. elections, while positive technical signals also provided strength.” (Investing)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) AMD +3.9% // -7.5% after hours 2) Trump Media +8.7% 3) Reddit +2.5% // +22.5% after hours

The market moves you need to know about…

– Turns out Spirit wasn't the only loser in the blocked merger with JetBlue. JBLU got rekt on Tuesday after indicating there is "significant work ahead on a path toward full-year profitability." After sharing a piss-poor outlook for the full year, shares tumbled 17.0%.

– It was a bad day to be an airline that has tried to acquire Spirit in the last 18 months or so. Frontier Airlines fell 14.4% after reporting a top and bottom line miss... and generally being a sad excuse of an airline.

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Google is putting the AI in laid off

Google (+1.6% // +5.8% after hours) reported earnings yesterday against the backdrop of multiple antitrust cases (that threaten to rip it apart), an AI race (that it’s losing), and the search engine’s biggest existential threat since Ask Jeeves was a thing (sup, AI search engines)…

Still, Sundar went all “this is fine” and reminded the world that Google is still Google… motherf*ckers.

The company beat on the top and bottom lines, and it wasn’t particularly close.

Overall revenue grew by 15% and the cloud continues to print money. The top line for Google Cloud mooned 35% vs. the same period last year. For f*ck’s sake, even YouTube revenue beat the Street’s estimates after some softness earlier in the year.

Have you heard about Gemini?

During the company’s earnings call, Sundar was slinging buzzwords like a Vice President of Sales during his first-ever keynote at a conference room in a Holiday Inn. He warned the competition that Google’s “full stack” of AI products is “creating a virtuous cycle.”

He credited artificial intelligence applications for the Cloud’s big swingin’ quarter and shared cute anecdotes like how Google Lens now completes more than 20B (AI-powered) image searches per month.

But if you’re an underperforming Google employee working on anything except artificial intelligence, I’ve got some bad news…

Alphabet’s CFO also mentioned that the company will use AI for “cost-cutting.” Is this the doomsday scenario Elon keeps talking about?

In case you couldn’t read between the lines, that means Google is doing everything it can to replace “Product Managers” who make day-in-the-life videos with AI. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

+ AMD (+3.9% // -7.6% after hours) is just Nvidia you bought on Temu…

The chipmaker that has been more of a letdown than I am to my parents, reported Q3 results that would fall into the “ok” category for pretty much any other company. Unfortunately, they’re a chip maker in 2024 whose peers include Nvidia and Broadcom.

AMD met expectations on the top line and beat on the bottom, but it was the company’s outlook that had investors GTFO’ing. Sales for the current quarter are expected to be roughly in line with expectations. Gasp. Shares plummeted on the news.

+ Save some for the rest of us, Sam...

It is Sam Altman's world and we're just living in it. Need proof? Following Reddit's (+2.5% // +24.8% after hours) huge earnings report, the value of Sam Altman's stake in the social media company topped $1B.

RDDT popped just shy of 25% after reporting a blowout quarter. Not only did it beat earnings estimates, it swung to a surprise profit.

Plus its estimated Q4 revenue came in well above the Street's expectations.

It benefitted bigly from Google search updates that sent more traffic to the glorified message board. And Reddit hinted that it’s become better at converting those "logged out" users into registered Redditors.

Simply put, Reddit is the kinda social platform Snap wants to be when it grows up. 

+ Speaking of Snap (+1.6% // +10.5% after hours)… it actually managed a *checks notes* respectable quarter. The d*ck pic sharing platform beat across the board. And it probably didn’t hurt that Snap shared an update on its 5th gen Spectacles the company announced $500M in share repurchases.

+ Brian Niccol be like "seems like a you problem..."

Chipotle (-0.1% // -5.2% after hours) reported a pretty mediocre quarter during its first earnings call without B-Niccs at the helm (ok, well technically he oversaw most of Q3 before jumping ship to Starbucks). The Mexican grill beat earnings estimates but missed on the top line.

+ Mark Cuban hates golf—here’s why he still offered this golf company $1 million on ‘Shark Tank’. Presumably for ratings…

+ Dad of 11 Elon Musk buys $35M secret luxury compound for his children — and two of their moms. Nick Cannon be like, “good idea.”

🔥 The 'irresistible' real estate bet gripping investors. Spoiler: it isn’t house hacking.

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday, McDonald's, Pfizer, HSBC, PayPal, BP, Crocs, and JetBlue reported before the bell. Google, Visa, AMD, Stryker, Chipotle, Electronic Arts, Reddit, and Snap dropped earnings after hours.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Lilly, CAT, GE Health, UBS, Wingstop, and GlaxoSmithKline report this morning

+ Microsoft, Meta, Robinhood, Starbucks, Coinbase, MicroStrategy, DoorDash, Carvana, Roku, Etsy, and eBay drop earnings after the close

Yesterday, I asked, “You get paid $750k a year (you can still make money other ways) but you can only eat at 3 fast food restaurants of your choice for the rest of your life. You taking the deal? BONUS POINTS for the three fast food restaurants.”

80.2% of you are taking the straight cash (and three fast food restaurants), homie.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• "Taco Bell, Jersey Mike's, Pizza Hut"

• "Chick-fil-a and the other 2 dont matter."

• "Subway Chipotle Jersey Mike’s Don’t come at me on Chipotle. It’s trash BUT I will need the guacamole to survive. I would love to put Wendy’s/Bojangles/Shake Shack/Arby’s on my top 3 but I will die way too young…need all the fresh veggies to see this one through."

• "chick-fil-a hungry howies starbucks final answer" What in the f*ck is a "Hungry Howie's"?

• "The elites don't want you to know this but the McDouble is actually the most nutritious food known to man." What about the Quarter Pounder?

And here’s today’s question…

Usually leave the sports talk to the experts, but this was one of the most outrageous things I’ve ever seen (and I’ve seen the Malice at the Palace).

There is no in-between. Is this the worst thing you’ve ever seen, or the best thing you’ve ever seen?

+ These Yankees fan memes are undefeated

🔥 The zero revenue AI company vs. the $500k per year local HVAC company

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.