Hey there weekday warriors,

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of your support over the past few months. Means a ton to me.

As a reminder, the best way you can continue showing love to The Water Coolest is by showing love to our sponsors (think: click, check out their offers, etc.). TWC’s partners are how I keep this newsletter free and independent.

You guys know what to do.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “were higher after the close on Monday, as gains in the Industrials, Basic Materials and Consumer Services sectors led shares higher." (Investing.com)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was lower Monday “as investors look ahead to this week’s Federal Reserve policy meeting." (CNBC)

+ Oil "settled up slightly on Monday as OPEC+ production cuts failed to fully offset worries around crude oversupply and softer fuel demand growth next year." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “fell 7% Monday after topping $44,000 last week, according to Coinbase.” (CNBC)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) AMD +4.26% 2) Nvidia -1.85% 3) Tesla -1.68%.

Epic fail

Google cannot stop taking L’s in 2023. It blew the equivalent of a 10-run lead in the bottom of the 9th in the AI race (bonus: it epically botched its AI chatbot rollout)…

And late yesterday, a jury handed it a major defeat vs. Epic Games, the studio that makes Fortnite (perhaps you’ve heard of it?).

A little history lesson…

Epic declared war on Google and Apple back in 2020. It claimed the two created monopolies with their app stores… which, by definition, would make them very much not monopolies, but I digress.

Apple beat the case back in 2021, escaping with the equivalent of a slap on the wrist following a nasty trial.

But Google wasn’t so lucky…

The jury ruled in favor of Epic on all counts. Those are SBF-type stats.

After just a few hours the jury not only decided that Google had created a monopoly in the Android App distribution market (Exhibit A: right now you can’t download another app store on the Google Play Store…), but it also ruled that Google illegally bundled its Play Store and billing together. Read: developers can’t get featured in the Store unless they agree to Google’s medieval app tax (30% of all in-app purchases).

So Epic is about to secure the bag?

For Epic, it’s not about money, it’s about sending a message. Don’t believe me? The Fortnite maker isn’t suing for monetary damages.

We won’t know until January what Epic’s prize is for winning. But we do know what’s on their wishlist: allowing for other app stores to appear on the Google Play Store… and giving apps the option to offer users their own in-house billing systems (see: Google tax avoidance).

Of course, Epic could pocket millions of extra dollars annually if it doesn’t have to share its revenue with Google. Ok, so maybe it is about the money…

What does Google have to say for itself?

You’re not going to believe this, but Google plans to appeal. And, to be fair, their defense is rock solid: “how can we be a monopoly if we are constantly competing with the Apple App Store?”

The Fed’s “higher for longer” approach is making it harder than ever to find returns

Higher interest rates and market volatility are making it challenging to find above-market returns…

But there is one investment that could outperform traditional markets over the next 5 years, according to research from KKR.

Meet private credit.

Up until recently, private credit was reserved only for big-name institutional investors. But Percent is changing the game by making these investments accessible to everyday accredited investors.

On Percent, it’s easy to find, compare, invest, and track your private credit investments.

You’ll get access to:

• Attractive yields. As of November 30th, Percent’s weighted average APY is 18.72%.

• Diversification. Returns are generally independent from public market performance.

• Deals can mature in less than a year, with some offering liquidity after a few months.

• Up to a $500 sign-up bonus with your first investment.

* This is a sponsored post

+ Harvard career expert shares the 3 red flags of ‘highly insecure’ people at work—and how to deal with them (Read)

+ Here’s why even Americans making more than $100,000 live paycheck to paycheck (Read)

+ 3 top Wall Street strategists share their New Year's resolutions for investing in 2024 (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... Time to buy? Why the prices of Rolex and other luxury Swiss watches keep falling. (Read)

+ Live look at the Fox Nation team right now…

Tucker Carlson is leaving X behind. But not because he doesn’t see eye to eye with Elon or anything. It’s a little more self-serving: Carlson is launching the Tucker Carlson Network (super original name, btw). The service will cost your dad (who is addicted to Zyn and recites the pledge of allegiance every morning) $9 per month.

Rachel Maddow for Republicans was allegedly in conversations with X to build out a streaming platform, but the company couldn’t figure out the tech in time. That is zero percent surprising when you consider that Elon cut like 80% of the social network’s workforce. (Read)

+ A bunch of roughnecks that could pass for extras in Friday Night Lights (the show, not the movie) are about to have a new employer. Occidental Petroleum just bought Permian Basin oil driller, CrownRock, for $12B. The move will add about 170k barrels per day to Oxy’s output. Fun fact: the only thing Warren Buffett loves more than Oxy (he owns 26% of the company) is swinging. (Read)

+ *Double-checks the name of Hasbro’s CEO*

According to an internal memo sent by Hasbro CEO Chris Cocks, the toy maker plans to ruin ~1.1k families’ holidays. The company is laying off about 15% of its workforce.

But, the writing was on the wall. Last quarter, the company cut its full-year outlook, sharing that it expects up to a 15% decline in sales. Woof. Turns out in the aftermath of ‘rona boi toy sales have been softer than an Ivy League president on hate speech.

Shares fell 5.5% after hours… and are down more than 20% on the year. (Read)

+ Macy’s is magical this time of year. The hustle and bustle of holiday shoppers. The enchanting festive displays. And shares going to the f*cking moon. Macy’s stonk jumped 21% on news that an investor group had made a $5.8B offer for the OG brick-and-mortar retailer. (Read)

+ Once again, Netflix is playing “just the tip” with sports. On the heels of its live golf event that featured PGA Tour players and F1 drivers, NFLX plans to stream an exhibition tennis match between Rafael Nadal and Carlos Alcaraz. And this means we’re about to get Drive to Survive for tennis, doesn’t it? (Read)

Meanwhile, on The Water Coolest blog…

+ We’re never getting Amazon delivery drones, are we? (Read on the TWC Blog)

+ ICYMI… We finally know why Sam Altman was fired from OpenAI… (Read on the TWC Blog)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Consumer Price Index data for November drops

+ L3Harris Technologies' holds its investor day

Yesterday I asked What do you regret not doing/getting done in 2023?

The only right answer: not seeing Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour (the actual concert, not the movie).

Here’s today’s question…

It’s my wife’s birthday this week. Being so close to the holidays complicates gift-giving. So…

What should I get my wife for her birthday?

Reply directly to this email. I’ll share the best answers tomorrow (so you can use them for holiday gift ideas).

Oh, and two more things…

Did you check out today’s sponsor Percent yet?

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.