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Hey there weekday warrior,

eBay is so f*cking back.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 14 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “were mixed on Wednesday as investors absorbed a report that President-elect Donald Trump is considering declaring a national economic emergency to pave the way for proposed tariffs.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “rose to its highest since April after the latest Federal Reserve meeting minutes indicated greater concern over inflation.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices fell more than 1% on Wednesday as a stronger dollar and large builds in U.S. fuel inventories last week pressured prices, reversing earlier gains driven by tightening supplies from Russia and other OPEC members.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “retreated on Wednesday, extending overnight losses and wiping out a recent rebound as heightened concerns over slower interest rate cuts in 2025 sparked deep losses across risk-driven assets.” (Investing.com)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -0.02% 2) Rigetti Computing -45.4% 3) Advanced Micro Devices -4.3%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Uniform maker UniFirst stock jumped 4.7% on the news that competitor Cintas submitted a bid to acquire the company. The deal values UniFirst at ~$5.3B, or $275 per share. That’s a 60% premium compared to UniFirst’s closing price Monday. It’s not about the money, it’s about the message.

– Autonomous driving provider Mobileye stock tanked 13.3% on Wednesday after the company’s CES presentation. Investors went all “that don’t impress me much” when Mobileye didn’t hit on any commercial milestones. Coffee’s for closers, Mobileye.

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Huge day for the “We Sell Your Stuff on eBay” industrial complex…

Turns out bending the knee to Donny Politics isn’t the only thing Zuck had on his to-do list for Q1. On Wednesday, Meta (-1.1%) announced Facebook users will be able to post (some) eBay (+9.8%) listings on Marketplace in Germany, France, and the US.

That’s right. Now all 300 people who still use eBay can sling the stuff they bought on Alibaba next to first-gen Four Lokos and half-used bottles of baby oil (Diddy’s legal bills aren’t going to pay themselves, you guys) on FB Marketplace.

This is a huge W for eBay… which hasn’t been relevant since the Pets.com sock puppet was still a puppy. Shares of the company whose list of f*ck ups includes divesting PayPal had its best day since 2021.

Wait, but why?

So why is Markslist doing eBay a solid?

It isn’t.

The move is a pretty blatant attempt to appease the EU, which fined Meta $821M in November for monopolizing the used goods market.

Meta was accused by the wet blankets in the EU of siphoning off data from other online marketplace advertisers to improve the Marketplace experience. Zuck is appealing the ruling but is clearly hoping the olive branch makes the Europeans forget this whole thing ever happened.

Ok, now do AOL Instant Messenger, Zuck.

+ Live look at what Jensen Huang did to quantum stonks yesterday…

Quantum computing players got nuked Wednesday after Nvidia (-0.02%) CEO Jensen Huang got his Miss Cleo on. Huang made a prediction that useful quantum computers are at least 15 years away, probably more like 20. 

That timeline kicked off a massive selloff, with quantum shares spiraling. I’ve got receipts: Rigetti Computing (-45.4%), IonQ (-39.0%), D-Wave Quantum (-36.1%), and Quantum Computing (-43.3%). That’s a lotta damage…

+ Hey Siri, why you lyin?

Apple (+0.2%) AI just f*cked up, and darts fans are big mad about it. Apple Intelligence recently rolled out a feature that summarizes incoming notifications. Problem is, like most Americans, Apple’s AI seems to have a hard time understanding BBC News. Siri 2.0 inaccurately notified Apple users about the outcome of the PDC World Darts Championship, naming a winner the day before the game (?… er, match?) was actually played. 

Hours after delivering the stuff of a degenerate gambler’s wet dream, Apple Intelligence sent another fake news ping claiming tennis legend Rafael Nadal was gay. Ok, are we sure that wasn’t just Djokovic?

BBC has been trying to get Tim Apple to fix the issue since December, the last time Apple AI made an oopsie and claimed that Luigi Mangione had Espteined (see: unalived) himself. Lesson learned: don’t read notifications. Go touch some grass.

+ According to the Fed Minutes, at their most recent meeting, FOMC members threw some not-so-subtle shade at Donny Politics. The Fed raised concerns about the incoming President’s trade and immigration policies, all while keeping #47’s name out of their f*cking mouth (note: they never mentioned him directly).

Turns out, those fat tariffs (and the big check the US is about to cut for Greenland) could put upward pressure on prices and force the Fed to rethink its rate policy. The overall vibes of the minutes were “wait and see.”

And the markets tend to believe the Central Bank. Traders are pricing in a nearly 100% chance of the Fed leaving rates unchanged this month. And they’re betting on 2-3 cuts in the year of our lord 2025 (friendly reminder: the Fed’s dot plot currently predicts 2 cuts in ‘25).

+ Some men energy short sellers just want to watch the world California burn…

California has caught on fire, again… and not the part that could stand to ‘rise from the ashes’ (sup, SF). Three wildfires have been ripping apart the Los Angeles area, with at least 100k residents under evacuation orders and several reported deaths.

Edison International (-10.1%), the utility company for the impacted areas, got rekt Wednesday as over 3M customers dealt with power outages. Edison went all Billy Joel, and at the moment, there’s no evidence that the power company is to blame for the blazes.

But, you may remember that Pacific Gas and Electric Corp (-3.6%) filed for bankruptcy back in 2019 after dealing with lawsuits that claimed its equipment caused the Dixie Fire. Then again, CA did pass a state law in 2020 that limited liability for utility companies after the PG&E incident.

+ Former President Jimmy Carter spent his last 43 years living in a $167,000 house—less expensive than the Secret Service vehicles outside. Nancy Pelosi couldn’t throw Jimmy Politics a hot stock tip or two?

🔥 Federal watchdog bans medical debt from credit reports. So there are no repercussions for never paying for a BBL? Asking for a friend…

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday, the Fed dropped the minutes from its December meeting…

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ US markets are closed to honor President Jimmy Carter, who passed away last week

Yesterday, I asked, “What's the "right" amount of days in the office?”

1. 4

2. 3

3. 2

Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• 0: “In a perfect world, 0 days in office if you can do your job from home. But my job wants us in office and I just got it changed from 3 days to 2 days in, so I'll take the win.”

• 4: "Four 10hr day work weeks should be the standard.”

• 0: "No one cares about corporate culture. It just the CEO’s way of maintaining control for their ego”

• 0: "Been in the office for literally one half day since Feb 2020, and it made me ill. Had to bail on the afternoon and go golf to cleanse the soul”

• 5: "I work for a bunch of stodgy boomers whose adult kids don't speak to them. 5 days in the office is the bare minimum around here. The theme song for Shawshank Redemption usually plays in my head as I pull into the lot.”

• 2: “That way you can figure out everyone’s schedule and avoid being in the office with people you despise."

• 4: "The majority of wfh employees are taking full advantage of the lack of oversight by not being in the office. I believe many people BELIEVE they are working as hard because everyone has there cell phone in hand and can check emails but reality is productivity and collaboration are taking a hit. It’s much harder to train a team of people or new hire remotely than working one on one or in a group setting in person. I also see the personal connections decreasing, with the lack of “water cooler” breaks. The feeling of belonging to a team is not there like it used to." Is this Elon?

• 4: “Even the Lord rested for a day....” Uh, I think you need to brush up on the bible, bro.

And here’s today’s question…

+ Finally, proof that the market does regulate itself

🔥 Who amongst us hasn’t done this?

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.