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Hey there weekday warrior,
TSLA shorts are down bad.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 23 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Hit it and quit it
Tim Walz: *looking at the stock app on his iPhone, wondering why Tesla isn’t going down*
All the people firebombing Tesla $TSLA ( ▲ 9.8% ) showrooms are down horrendous.
Despite a Q1 that only Maye Musk could love, TSLA shares jumped after hours. Turns out the benefit of shares being down 40% YTD and limping into earnings is that expectations were lower than my parent’s when I told them I was starting a newsletter.
The EV maker missed badly on the top and bottom line. Automotive revenue plummeted 20% vs the same period last year, while overall revenue dropped 9%. But, it gets worse…net income dropped… wait for it… 71%. Tesla out here getting its Nikola on…
So, what happened?
Well, there’s what Tesla said…
Think: “We’re retooling 4 of our assembly lines for updated Model Ys,” and “We lowered the average selling price by offering more deals and incentives than Buddy Garrity.”
And then there’s what really happened…
Approximately half the country would rather kick a puppy than buy a Tesla, thanks to Elon’s role in getting Trump elected and being the “First Buddy.” And, well, the other half that does like him would still rather drive a Hemi diesel.
The auto tariffs aren’t doing Elon’s net worth any favors, either, of course. You might remember that Lon Corleone broke with the White House by criticizing the tariffs.
But that’s the past…
Elon has promised to turn over a new leaf. The guy who (allegedly) cucked Johnny Depp plans to be less of a deadbeat starting next month…
During Tesla’s earnings call, Elon said he plans to spend a whole lot less time in DC on DOGE (“a day or two per week”) and a whole lot more tending to Tesla.
Major Market Shift – Act Now Before It’s Too Late
1983 – Motorola released the first commercial phone.
1992 – Nokia turned phones into personal devices.
And when Apple released the first iPhone in 2007, the industry changed forever. But that was 18 years ago…
Another paradigm shift is happening now, and Mode Mobile is leading the charge with 32,481% revenue growth. Their EarnPhone is the only smartphone that pays users for activities like playing games, listening to music, and even charging their phone.
But their current share price of $0.26/share is changing in under two weeks.
*See full ad disclosures below
+ Boeing gonna Boeing…
The airplane maker whose fuselage doors are about as reliable as Shawn Hunter’s dad is selling off one of its only profitable businesses. $BA ( ▲ 0.96% ) is selling off a big chunk of its navigation biz for $10.5B to private equity giant Thoma Bravo.
The assets it’s unloading include Jeppesen and ForeFlight (which is also a great name for an adult movie that is strictly mile-high foreplay), makers of navigational and flight planning software.
Boeing will tell you it made the move to double down on its core biz (read: orphan making via aviation disasters). Of course, it probably has more to do with Boeing’s profit… or lack thereof. In addition to bleeding billions last year, Airbus’ little brother expects to post another major L in the year of our lord 2025.
It can use all the cash it can get its hands on.
+ Sike!
POTUS’s got jokes. Remember that time he was considering making Fed chair J-Poww redundant? Turns out it was all a big misunderstanding. Late Tuesday, the President said that he has no intention of firing Jerome Powell.
Donny Politics said he never had any plans to feed Jerry Interest Rates to the DOGEs. Friendly reminder: Economic advisor Kevin Hassett said Friday he was looking into firing Powell.
+ The IMF just slashed its growth outlook for the US from 2.7% (in January) to 1.8%. Imagine betting against the US…
+ New Intel CEO Lip-Bu Tan has a fever and the only prescription is more job cuts. According to sources familiar with the matter, Intel $INTC ( ▼ 6.7% ) is about to lay off ~20% of its workforce beginning this week.
+ It might be too late for Warner Bros. Discovery $WBD ( ▲ 1.06% ) to undo the biggest f*ck up in media since Quibi (think: deciding to call ‘HBO Max’ just ‘Max’)… but they can crack down on passwords. Max freeloaders (looking at you) will be forced to pay $7.99 to add an extra profile to the account they're leeching off of, or risk being unable to get their White Lotus fix.
+ God forbid a man have hobbies (like washing down original formula Flamin’ Hot Cheetos with Baja Blast… in their parents’ basement). The FDA has reached an “understanding” with food makers to phase out “petroleum-based synthetic dyes” by the end of next year. That means no formal agreement… yet.
+ A bunch of climate protestors graffitied the Wall Street bull with green spray paint… and proceeded to clean it up as soon as police spotted them. The Occupy Wall Streeters didn’t sleep in raw sewage in Zuccotti Park for 2 months so you could cooperate with law enforcement…
+ US stocks “jumped, wiping out Monday’s plunge, as traders unleashed risky bets that the White House will clinch crucial trade deals with top economic partners. The dollar recovered slightly from Monday’s lows while short-term Treasury yields climbed.” (Bloomberg)
+ The 10-year yield “was unchanged on Tuesday as investors awaited signs of progress on the global trade front.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices settled more than $1 per barrel higher on Tuesday as new U.S. sanctions against Iran and rising equity markets helped spark a recovery rally from the prior session’s steep selloff.” (Reuters)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Lockheed Martin, Verizon, GE Aerospace, 3M, RTX, MSCI, Moody's, Danaher, Northrop Grumman, Halliburton, and Synchrony reported before the bell
+ Tesla, Intuitive Surgical, Enphase Energy, SAP, Capital One, and Chubb reported after the bell
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Boeing, AT&T, Vertiv, GE Vernova, Nextra Energy, Philip Morris, Thermo Fisher Scientific, Boston Scientific, General Dynamics, CME, and Amphenol report this AM
+ Chipotle, SERVICENOW, IBM, Lam Research, Texas Instruments, Viking Therapeutics, Discover Financial Services, O'Reilly Automotive, and Edwards Lifesciences drop earnings after hours
+ Goldman Sachs will hold its annual general meeting. Good luck, DJ D-Sol…
Yesterday, I asked, “Who do you want in a foxhole with you?”
44.7% of you said Elon.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Elon: “Elon will build an ironman suite and save us all.”
Zuck: “He's a sociopath and trained MMA. Good foxhole qualities.”
Sam Altman: “Altman doesn't back down to Musk's antics, the same way he'd treat Putin's mercenary boys on the front line.”
The entire crew from the all-female Blue Origin flight: “If i'm stuck with Lauren Sanchez, then you know Bezos is gonna emerge from the trees à la Rick Peck with a tivo, saving the day”
Here’s today’s question…
Below are some of the most popular products that will be impacted by the FDA food dye “ban”
Let’s assume you can save them as is (read: original formula WITH petroleum dye)
Don’t try to be a hero and say, “i WiSh THeY weRE aLl wIpEd OfF tHe FAcE oF thE EArtH”
Only one can survive. The rest are wiped off the face of the Earth. Which are you saving? |
Plz fix thx…
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter? |
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.
Ad Disclaimers
1 Mode Mobile recently received their ticker reservation with Nasdaq ($MODE), indicating an intent to IPO in the next 24 months. An intent to IPO is no guarantee that an actual IPO will occur.
2 The Deloitte rankings are based on submitted applications and public company database research, with winners selected based on their fiscal-year revenue growth percentage over a three-year period.
3 Please read the offering circular and related risks at invest.modemobile.com.