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Hey there weekday warrior,
Just when you were starting to think “Hey, maybe Zuck isn’t so bad” he goes full surveillance state…
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 23 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, we could all use a little escape from the rat race.
Which is why I teamed up with a few of my favorite newsletters to give away a 4-night cruise to the Bahamas for 2 (presumably me + you).
It's pretty simple...
Head to the giveaway website
Enter to win
Patiently wait (...while I rig the giveaway for a TWC reader)
The contest ends on January 23rd.
So what are you waiting for? Enter right now. Seriously.
I’m a creep
Yes, this is the same image from yesterday.
Good news, horn dogs, creeps, and peeping Toms… Zuck is about to put cameras in everything we wear.
Meta (+0.6%) is upgrading its lineup of smart wearables by diving into watches (ok, makes sense) and camera-equipped earbuds (wait, what?), and Apple (-3.1%) stans are punching air right now.
Zuck’s hyper-masculine, Alpha male staff has already been developing new Oakley-branded smart glasses for athletes to be released this year. Meanwhile, Meta’s PR team has been begging Zuck to wear some shaded Oakleys if he’s going to stare at t*ts in public.
Also underway: new earbuds called “Camera Buds” equipped with AI to analyze and identify objects that it sees… which is kinda like releasing a smart butt plug that can identify smells.
And, in case Tim Apple had a little bit of fight left in him, Meta is considering dropping a smartwatch as early as this year. To be fair, they’ve canceled and uncanceled this project more times than your OF account.
Last, and almost certainly least, Zuck wants everyone to walk around with a pair of “Artemis” glasses, their new full-on augmented reality glasses, by the year of our lord 2027. And Pokémon Go fans just went from six to midnight.
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The FDA just greenlit Johnson & Johnson’s (+0.7%) nasal spray as a stand-alone drug for “treatment-resistant” depression. The new Nasacort for sad people, aka “Spravato” (which sounds like it was named by Erlich Bachman), has been prescribed alongside other antidepressants since launching in 2019.
With the upgraded FDA approval, Spravato can now fly solo as a treatment, which is a BFD considering Spravato chipped in $780M in revenue during Qs 1-3 of 2024 alone.
Oh, and, not a joke: the secret ingredient is “related to ketamine” so, turns out the raver chick you hooked up with that one time was right about horse tranqs for mental health.
+ *Buy signal*
David Einhorn just dubbed the current bull crypto market cycle the “‘Fartcoin’ stage.” Einhorn’s point: meme coins are on a tear. Dude’s got a point…
After Fartcoin edged (nice) toward a $2B market value, Donny Crypto’s new rugpull $TRUMP coin hit a $14.9B valuation. And First Lady Melania Trump’s $MELANIA coin reached a $2.2B market cap.
Einhorn, who TWC readers might recall once called BS on Hometown Deli’s pastrami, has been shorting ETFs linked to Microstrategy (-1.8%) (read: Bitcoin).
+ Netflix (+1.3% // +14.3% after hours) dropped earnings after market close, and let’s just say, the streaming wars are over, everyone else can go home. The home of “& Chill” just crushed expectations on the top and bottom line, raised revenue expectations for 2025 (to the tune of ~$44B), and blasted through the 300M subscriber mark. Q4 revenue jumped 16% YOY, thanks mostly to content that had subscribers drooling: the Paul v. Tyson trainwreck fight, Squid Game Season 2, and Taylor Swift leading the Chiefs to a rigged Christmas Day win.
Shares popped after hours, because of course they did. BTW, Netflix ain’t showing signs of slowing down. 2025 is stacking up with potential bangers like the return of Stranger Things, Wednesday, Knives Out 3, and Happy Gilmore 2. And we’re crossing our fingers for McGregor v. Paul.
+ It’s only Day 2 and Donny Technology is playing all the sci-fi hits. POTUS just announced a joint private-sector investment of up to $500B for AI infrastructure development. OpenAI, Softbank (+8.3%), and Oracle (+7.1%) have joined forces and committed $100B for the new venture code-name “Stargate,” which will build twenty new AI data centers and create over 100k jobs. Softbank and Oracle shares mooned on the news, and nonprofit OpenAI must hate that they can’t create any shareholder value.
+ Stop being a ‘Boomerasker’. Oh, and never say ‘boomerasker’ in public, or you’ll probably get stuffed in a locker.
+ How Much You Need To Earn in Every State To Buy a Home. Warning: be prepared to say ‘Maybe we should move to East Bumf*ck, USA’
🔥 4 Housing Market Predictions For 2025, According to Experts. #2: Everyone who locked in a 2.5% mortgage rate in 2020 will continue to make it their entire personality.
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
+ US stocks “gained on Tuesday, with the Dow Jones Industrial Average rising back above 44,000 and the S&P 500 topping the 6,000 level as investors digested President Donald Trump's first policy moves, with promised tariffs on Mexico and Canada front of mind.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “slid on Tuesday, as investors digested President Donald Trump’s return to the White House and a slew of new executive orders.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices fell on Tuesday after U.S. President Donald Trump declared a national energy emergency on his first day in office, raising concerns of higher U.S. output in a market widely expected to be oversupplied this year.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “edged higher in choppy trading on Tuesday after backing off its fresh Monday record amid investor disappointment over U.S. President Donald Trump's failure to unveil crypto-friendly policies on his first day in office.” (Reuters)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Tesla -0.5% 2) Rocket Lab USA +30.2% 3) Nvidia +2.2%
⏪ Yesterday, 3M and Charles Schwab reported before the bell, and Netflix, Interactive Broker, Capital One, United Airlines, and Seagate released earnings after hours.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ J&J, P&G, GE Vernova, and Ally report before the bell
+ Discover Financial drops earnings this evening
+ Good news, green text gang… Samsung will launch its Galaxy S25 smartphones
Yesterday, I asked, “What's the GOATed energy drink?”
Red Bull won in a landslide.
Red Bull: "Red Bull walked so Celsius could run.”
Other: "OG four loko was undefeated in many things. Forcing you to have a good time, cardiac arrest, etc."
Other: “Ghost! You seriously haven’t tried them? Ruined all other energy drinks for me forever. Tastes exactly like the artificial chemical-ized frankenfoods they’re designed to taste like. Divine."
Red Bull: "The OG. Anyone making Jägerbombs with Celsius? Didn’t think so." Do people order Celsius vodkas?
Other: “It's coffee — the OG energy drink."
And here’s today’s question…
Let’s get hypothetical…
You get $1 million straight cash, but you need to watch a video (probably feature length film) of all the negative things ANYONE has ever said about you. You taking that deal? |
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter? |
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.