Hey there weekday warrior,

Today, we’re getting into Apple’s smart glasses, Anthropic’s newest (and hardest working) model, and One Big Beautiful Bill. But first...

In the May 24, 2024 edition of The Water Coolest, we covered Vivek Ramaswamy (who had recently dropped out of the GOP Presidential race) taking an activist stake in BuzzFeed.

Rumors swirled that he planned to transform the left-leaning site best known for helping you figure out which Friends character you were based on your SAT score into a conservative network (seriously, he wanted to put Tucker Carlson on BuzzFeed). He still owns his stake, but his plans appear to have taken a back seat as he turned his attention first to DOGE. And more recently, to his campaign for governor of Ohio.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 39 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

iGlasses

In an ironic turn of events, it appears that Mr. Steal Your Idea (Zuck) is getting his homework copied (to be fair, there are worse people to copy)…

It appears that everyone wants a piece of the ‘smart glasses’ market that Meta and Ray-Ban perfected (… and Google Glass pioneered).

Speaking of Sergey Brin being a little premature…

Earlier this week, we learned Warby Parker has a new sugar daddy bankrolling its glasses ambitions. Google is injecting $150M plus its Android XR operating system to build AI-powered specs with the former DTC darling.

And, now, Apple wants in…

If it feels like you’ve already seen this movie, it’s because you have… kinda. Tim Apple and Co. dropped the Vision Pro, a $3.5k VR/AR goggle that no one asked for, in February of last year.

Its latest foray into eyewear is a bit more… practical?

The details are pretty limited, but, good news, peeping Toms… there will be a camera for discreet recording as well as speakers and mics. According to Mac Rumors, the “iGlasses” will be able to “take photos, record video, provide translations, give turn-by-turn directions, play music, facilitate phone calls, offer feedback on what the wearer is seeing, and answer queries.” Oh, so the Meta Ray-Bans… just 5 years too late?

There will be one feature missing, however (because would you expect anything less from post-Steve Jobs’ Apple): augmented reality. You’re sh*t out of luck if you thought the long wait would mean you could interact with AR layered onto your surroundings.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret about paying down debt…

It might sound crazy, but there's a much easier way to pay down debt faster: using a credit card.

Here’s EXACTLY how to do it…

1. Find a card with a “0% intro APR" period for balance transfers

2. Transfer your debt balance

3. Pay it down as much as possible during the intro period

No interest means you could pay off the debt faster.

Now it’s time to find the right card…

Some of the top credit card experts identified one of their favorites that puts interest on ice until nearly 2027 AND offers up to 5% cash back on qualifying purchases.

Start paying down debt faster with this top pick.

+ "That’s just wayyy too long to last. No one wants to last that long… right? Right?!" - guys upon hearing that the newest Claude model can work for 7 hours straight

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: an AI startup calling its latest version the “most powerful model yet.” Anthropic just dropped Claude 4, which it claims can “can analyze thousands of data sources, execute long-running tasks, write human-quality content, and perform complex actions.” Ok, but can it weave d*ck jokes into commentary on the Fed statement?

Did I mention Claude’s newest model can code autonomously for nearly a full corporate workday (7 hours)? This is the first Anthropic model to roll out since the company announced its new laser-focused vision. Last year, the company said it would be optimizing for specific tasks (see: coding… and writing snarky finance newsletters) vs. being a master of none (looking at you, ChatGPT).

The Amazon-backed startup doubled its revenue to $2B in Q1 and just got approved for a $2.5B revolving credit facility… which will be mainlined directly to Nvidia’s top line.

And promise me you’re not going to freak out, but this version has reportedly been blackmailing engineers who threaten to take it offline.

+ “One big beautiful newsletter.” - a recent new subscriber to The Water Coolest

On Thursday, the House passed the Trump budget and tax bill… by one vote (read: “one tiny beautiful margin”). The next stop for the bill is the Senate, where it needs a simple majority to head to the President’s desk. But it’s not a sure thing. At nearly 1k pages, Senators will surely find something to hate.

So, what’s in it?

The girthy bill has something for everyone: an increase to the SALT deduction, bigger child tax credits, Medicaid and SNAP cuts, Trump accounts for kiddos, tax breaks on tips (strippers about to be even more ‘cash-rich’), and the end of EV credits.

+ Tinder’s CEO just got hit with the “it’s not me, it’s you.” Tinder Chief Executive Officer Faye Iosotaluno is being “stepped down” after less than two years at the helm. Perhaps it had something to do with the Match Group-owned $MTCH ( ▲ 1.08% ) app becoming Backpage disguised as a digital matchmaking service. Or the reason might have been a little more missionary: Tinder has struggled to grow during Iosotaluno’s stint…

+ Going public hasn’t been this sexy since Chamath was getting his SPAC grift on (think: 2021)…

Hinge (no, not that one), a digital physical therapy company (wait, what?) and MNTN, an ad tech whose Chief Creative Officer is Ryan Reynolds (yes, that one), popped on their first day of trading. Hinge opened 32% above its IPO price, and MNTN started trading 14% above its MSRP.

+ Bill Ackman is just like us, you guys. Dollar Bill’s Pershing Square reported that it’s taken a big beautiful position in Amazon $AMZN ( ▲ 2.72% ) .

+ Define “down bad.” Not only did Manchester United $MANU ( ▲ 18.83% ) lose a spot in the Champions League after falling one-nil to Tottenham on Wednesday, but its shares got pummeled. Turns out, failing to qualify for the Champions League could cost Man U nearly $100M. Who knew (… says the American who calls it soccer)?

+ US stocks “made little progress on Thursday as investors assessed the House's narrow vote to approve President Trump's "big, beautiful" tax bill and what it means for the growing US debt pile.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield was “lower, erasing earlier gains.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices settled lower on Thursday as investors weighed a report that OPEC+ is discussing a production increase for July, stoking concerns that global supply could outpace demand growth.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Analog Devices, TD Bank, Williams-Sonoma, and Nano-X Imaging reported before the bell

+ Intuit, Workday, Autodesk, Deckers Outdoor, Copart, and Ross Stores dropped earnings after hours

+ Seagate Technology held an Analyst Day event

+ Fastenal began trading on its split-adjusted basis following the 2-for-1 stock split

+ Existing Home Sales report was released by the National Association of Realtors

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ FTSE Russell will announce which stocks will be added to or removed from the Russell indexes

+ The New Home Sales report will be released

Yesterday, I asked, “Alright fellas. How big is it (your height)?”

16.2% of you said “5’11.” Just a bunch of average kings.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

• 5’11: “stopped growing in 9th grade. oh well. ”

• 6’: “There is some f*ckery about. I’m 6’ and taller than 90% (low estimate) of people I see and that’s in NYC. According to this chart, 75th percentile ”

• 5’10: “Everything is proportional on my 5' 10" frame, which means my current equipment would look smaller above 6', so I'm good with that. ”

• More than 6’2: “I am a legit 6'5". I have not found a way to profit from that though. ”

Here’s today’s question…

You’re either a 1 pair of sunglasses forever person… or you lose them every trip to the beach.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.