TOGETHER WITH

Hey there weekday warrior,

Google can’t catch a break.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 43 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Life comes at you fast

Now Google $GOOG ( ▲ 1.23% ) knows how an old dog feels when his family gets a brand new puppy while he’s still alive…

One of Tim Cook’s direct reports took the stand in Google’s antitrust trial (the one related to search dominance) yesterday. And honestly, no punishment a judge can hand down could be worse than what the Apple exec had to say…

Eddie Cue, the SVP of Services (which I’m pretty sure is what priests are called on the Roman Catholic org chart), said Apple $AAPL ( ▼ 0.09% ) has begun looking into AI-powered search engines to replace Google in Safari. You might recall that one of the bones the DOJ has to pick with Google is its deal to remain the default search engine on Apple’s browser (via a large payment).

Stop, stop, he’s already dead…

Cue didn't stop there. He went for the jugular, pointing out that he believes the likes of OpenAI’s ChatGPT and Perplexity’s Anthropic are the future of search.

And he’s got proof: analog searches on Safari are already bleeding market share to AI.

Investors didn’t seem to take into account that Cue might be a little bit unhinged/like the sound of his own voice. The guy whose net worth is tied to the iPhone also said this Wednesday: “You may not need an iPhone 10 years from now as crazy as it sounds. The only way you truly have true competition is when you have technology shifts. Technology shifts create these opportunities.” Wait, what?

Shares of Google got rekt on the news.

I’ll just leave this right here…

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+ The Fed Conclave ended yesterday without any white smoke (think: rates remained unchanged). But pretty much everyone expected that…

What was less clear was what the head of the Central Bank would have to say about tariffs and the Fed’s outlook. Welp, the Fed’s statement was pretty damn bleak: “The Committee is attentive to the risks to both sides of its dual mandate and judges that the risks of higher unemployment and higher inflation have risen.”

And don’t for a second think Mr. Transitory is about to be premature with rate cuts just because of tariffs. Jerry Interest Rates had this to say: “It’s not a situation where we can be preemptive, because we actually don’t know what the right responses to the data will be until we see more data.”

The bottom line? More waiting and more seeing.

+ We’ve officially entered the part of the AI hype cycle where CEO’s say “‘f*ck it’ and admit they’re replacing jobs with AI.” Cybersecurity firm CrowdStrike $CRWD ( ▲ 1.72% )  laid off about 5% of its workforce, citing advances in AI. It is so over…

+ *The UAE immediately regrets its decision after it finds out about Disney adults.* On Wednesday, Disney $DIS ( ▲ 1.07% )  announced a new theme park in Abu Dhabi. The resort on Yas Island will be its first in the region. The best part? It won’t cost Disney a dime. It’ll simply help design the park that will be built by Miral… and collect royalties on the back-end.

We didn’t get an exact date, but you can probably expect Disney Abu Dhabi to open around the time we get GTA VI (think: 2030).

Separately, the House of Mouse reported a top and bottom line beat thanks largely to price-gouging hard-working Americans Disney+. The streaming service added 1.4M subscribers vs. 1.25M expected.

+ The rumors of AppLovin’s $APP ( ▼ 1.17% )  demise (see: Muddy Waters’ short report from earlier this year) have been greatly exaggerated. AppLovin, which is up nearly 300% over the past year, mooned after easily beating the Street’s expectations.

It also announced the sale of its mobile gaming division for $400M in cash so it can focus on its core competency: ad tech. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get shiny object syndrome (billion dollar companies, they’re just like us). It dropped a blog reiterating that it would love to merge with TikTok… mostly because it doesn’t have enough money to buy it.

+ US stocks “closed Wednesday higher as investors assessed prospects for planned US-China trade talks and digested the Federal Reserve decision to hold interest rates steady at its May meeting.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “fell on Wednesday after the Federal Reserve held interest rates steady, pointing to increasing uncertainty in the outlook for the U.S. economy.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “fell by more than $1 a barrel on Wednesday as investors doubted that upcoming U.S.-China trade talks will result in a breakthrough, while hopes for an Iran-U.S. nuclear deal eased supply worries.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Uber, Disney, Novo Nordisk, Vistra, Unity, Fiverr, Barrick Gold, Oscar Health, and Emerson reported before the bell

+ Arm Holdings, Applovin, Mercado Libre, IonQ, Occidental Petroleum, Carvana, Fortinet, Axon, Dutch Bros, Symbotic, The Honest Company, AMC, Paycom, Joby, Kratos, Zillow, Blue Bird, Fluence Energy, Root, Skyworks, and Sunrun reported after hours

+ The FOMC made its interest rate policy announcement, and J-Poww held a press conference as the White House ramped up pressure

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Shopify, D-Wave Quantum, Crocs, Brookfield, Peloton Interactive, Warner Bros, Hut 8, Jumia Technologies, YETI, ConocoPhillips, Aspen Aerogels, Talen Energy, Novavax, Papa John's, and Cheniere Energy report before the bell

+ Coinbase, Rocket Lab, SoundHound AI, The Trade Desk, Cloudflare, DraftKings, TransMedics Group, MARA, Affirm, Lyft, Pinterest, Toast, Cleanspark, Hubspot, Monster, Serve Robotics, Dropbox, Wolfspeed, Texas Roadhouse, Main Street Capital, Bill, StoneCo, Rumble, Innodata, Paramount, Sweetgreen, and Microchip Technology drop earnings after hours

Yesterday, I asked, “Is it harder to become a Catholic Church Cardinal, or a St. Louis Cardinal?”

55.7% of you said “Catholic.”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

• Catholic: “The Cards gave Dexter Fowler $85 million…”

• St. Louis: “Catholic! Just become a priest at a young age and try your best to not touch little boys. The rest is gravy.”

• Catholic: “You can pretend to talk to someone (something?) that doesn’t talk back. You can’t pretend to hit a slider that comes from the same arm slot as a 98mph fastball.”

• St. Louis: “Got to be born with God-given ability (pun intended)”

• Catholic: “The sexual sacrifices alone make it nearly impossible. ”

• St. Louis: “One requires you to become insufferable. The other requires you to become celibate.”

Here’s today’s question…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.

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