Hey there weekday warriors,

Friendly reminder: don’t talk sh*t about your colleagues via work email (use text instead).

There are about to be a lot of awkward convos at Microsoft. The company reported that email accounts of senior execs were breached late last year.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• RIP, SI

• New high score for the S&P 500

• Elon’s AI company isn’t raising (I think)

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 18 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks rose, with the S&P 500 posting “its first record close in more than two years, while also setting a new intraday record after wobbling in a narrow trading range for almost a month.” (Reuters)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “were little changed Friday as investors digested the latest jobs data and comments by officials of the Federal Reserve." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “settled slightly lower on Friday but recorded a weekly gain as Middle East tensions and disruptions to oil output offset concerns about the Chinese and global economies.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “edged closer to $42,000 into the Jan. 21 weekly close with time almost up on a grim week for bulls.” (Cointelegraph)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +4.17% 2) C3.ai +3.12% 3) AMD +7.11%.

Look how they massacred my boy…

Things you hate to see: that.

If you were wondering why everyone was posting their favorite Sports Illustrated covers Friday (mine is the Kemba 2011 UCONN National Championship…) like the magazine is dead… that’s because it is. Kinda.

The Arena Group, which runs editorial for Sports Illustrated, laid off almost its entire staff.

Why?

Because Authentic Brands, which owns SI (the brand) revoked the Arena Group’s privileges to run the magazine after it failed to pay its $3.75M quarterly licensing fee (that’s a lot of SI for Kids subscriptions).

According to “sources” Arena skipped the payment in hopes of bullying Authentic into a better deal. That power move backfired spectacularly…

But have no fear, loyal readers of the SI Swimsuit Edition… both groups pinky promised that Sports Illustrated is not about to go the way of tasteful nudes in Playboy (friendly reminder: they brought them back).

If that doesn’t make any sense…

That’s because it doesn’t. Neither SI’s owner nor its editorial arm could explain how a magazine and website would continue to function without actual writers. Perhaps they’ll outsource to AI-generated journos? Too soon?

Rumor has it that Arena and Authentic are still in discussions to re-up, but that might be tough given that Arena went all Kendall Roy at Vaulter. Other names have been linked to the SI rights as well.

And to be fair, that might be the best route for Authentic. Arena was an absolute dumpster fire even before this latest sh*tstorm. There has been a ton of turnover in the c-suite, and the founder of 5-hour Energy is in the middle of buying a majority stake in Arena. That deal could be in jeopardy now.

Shares of Arena fell 35% on Friday.

+ Year-end bonuses shrunk more than 20% in 2023 — here’s how to make the most of a smaller reward (Read)

+ For 2024, the quiet luxury trend is out and ‘loud budgeting’ is in — here’s how to make the most of it (Read)

+ ICYMI... The No. 1 challenge Fortune 500 execs say they’re facing with employees right now, according to new research (Read)

+ This weekend, there was only one song on repeat.

That’s because the S&P 500 just set a new high score. After a two-year dry spell, the S&P closed at a new record high. The broad index had a yuge day, driven by tech and chipmakers. Obviously.

After a big 2023, markets stumbled out of the gate in the first few weeks of 2024. But it appears that like the rash on your genitals, we are so f*cking back. (Read)

+ So that was a f*cking lie…

Today in ‘how not to win a Pultizer’… on Friday, Bloomberg reported that Elon’s AI startup xAI had secured $500M of the $1B it was hoping to raise. Funding secured, if you will.

That is, until, Elon took to Twitter to say that it was “simply not accurate.” (Read)

+ What the f*ck is wrong with you people? The University of Michigan’s Consumer Sentiment Index hit its highest level since July 2021. Spoiler: that means average Americans are bullish af on the economy. Respondents also think inflation will be lower a year from now than they did last month. The outlook dropped to 2.9% from 3.1%. (Read)

+ “I, for one, am shocked.” - absolutely no one who heard the news about Wayfair’s layoffs

It wasn’t exactly shocking when Wayfair said it was cutting 13% of its staff or about 1.6k employees. You might recall that the company’s CEO hit the entire listserv with this legendary “holiday email” last month: “Working long hours, being responsive, blending work and life, is not anything to shy away from. There is not a lot of history of laziness being rewarded with success.” Ok, maybe these people actually dodged a bullet…

Shares of Wayfair were up 10% on the day. Sidenote: whose d*ck did Wayfair suck to get the “W” ticker symbol? (Read)

What else?

+ Let’s check in on the meme stocks, shall we? AMC rose 1.8% on Friday. But it still fell 11 of the past 14 days. And has hit record lows multiple times. RIP. (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ United Airlines reports

Yesterday, I asked How many beers we deleting this weekend?

The average was 11.5 beers. Well done. Also, far too many of you are doing Dry January.

Here’s today’s question…

Since it’s all anyone was talking about on Friday…

What’s your favorite SI cover ever?

Reply directly to this email and I’ll share the results tomorrow.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional