Hey there weekday warrior,

Today, we’re getting into the triumphant return of the Snack Wrap, Wells Fargo getting out of the dog house, and Zuck going nuclear. But first...

In the June 4, 2018 edition of The Water Coolest, we discussed one small step for man, one giant leap for degenerate gamblers. June 4th of 2018 was the eve of (legal) single-game sports gambling in Delaware. The state, whose only redeeming quality is favorable corporate governance and tax laws, was the first to get single-game betting live after the Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act was struck down (read: legalizing gambling was left up to the states).

Currently, 38 states allow some form of sports gambling (in person and/or via the interwebs), and an entire industry has exploded over the past 7 years.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 32 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Looking like a snack (wrap)

This is not a drill, America. The Snack Wrap is back at McDonald’s.

On Tuesday, the Golden Arches $MCD ( ▼ 0.52% )  announced exactly when the Snack Wrap will return via this mega-viral banger (seriously, they’re going to put up statues of McDonald’s social media team).

Snack Wrap Liberation Day is July 10, 2025.

You’ll have two flavor options: Spicy (think: Spicy McCrispy sandwich but make it a chicken tender) & Ranch (one of the OGs). And the original honey mustard Snack Wrap stans would like a word with management…

Bringing back ranch but not honey mustard is like getting rid of Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos for a decade… then just reintroducing Cool Ranch and some flavor that tested well with the Gen Z demo *heads to Change.org*.

Not all heroes wear capes

… some are topped with shredded lettuce and suspiciously unmelted “cheese product.”

McDonald’s will do whatever it takes to boost sales, including, but not limited to, half frozen chicken tendies in a sad tortilla.

Burger-King-for-people-with-some-dignity-left posted (another) drop in sales during the most recent quarter and missed the Street’s expectations for the top and bottom lines. Now, Ronald McDonald doesn’t like to point fingers, but if he had to, he’d blame consumers who are spending less. Looking at you guys…

The home of the Playplace is realllllly counting on the Snack Wrap to boost traffic. Of course, they might be onto something. Chicken is having a moment (even though red meat exists). Look no further than Popeyes announcing an eerily similar chicken wrap earlier this week.

Fact: free drinks with tiny little umbrellas just hit different

We could all use a little escape from the rat race.

Which is why I teamed up with a few of my favorite newsletters to give away an all-inclusive 4-night stay for two at Zel Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic.

This place will make you forget all about your sh*thead co-workers. It’s the first lifestyle resort in Punta Cana, inspired by the energy of the Mediterranean lifestyle, in partnership with Spanish tennis legend Rafa Nadal.

You’ll get access to…

• Unlimited dining, drinks, and curated experiences

• Access to non-motorized water sports

• Full access to ZelGym with yoga, meditation areas, and fitness classes

• Use of tennis courts, volleyball, and a 27-hole golf course

• Direct access to the white sands of Bavaro Beach

Entering to win is easy

1. Head to the giveaway website

2. Enter to win

3. Patiently wait (one lucky winner will be selected at random)

So what are you waiting for? Enter right now.

+ “Look Simba. Everything the light touches is total addressable market.” - Wells Fargo CEO Charles Scharf to his employees

It’s official: Wells Fargo $WFC ( ▲ 1.91% ) is now a show-er… and a grower. After 7 years of a Fed-imposed asset cap ($1.95T for those of you keeping score at home) hanging over its head, the pride of Charlotte, NC was released from regulatory jail. It’s now free to open fake accounts for clients grow assets without regard for human life.

Perhaps you recall (mostly from this newsletter) that Uncle Sam went scorched earth on WF after years of f*ckery. The most high-profile sh*tshow was Wells’ employees opening millions of unauthorized accounts for clients. A close second was the bank erroneously flagging a bunch of mortgages as delinquent, which, in some cases, led to foreclosures.

Investors applauded Wells’ escape from purgatory.

+ [extreme movie theater preview narrator voice] “From the studio that brought us the Three Mile Island meltdown comes America’s next great nuclear disaster.” Meta $META ( ▲ 1.91% ) just inked a deal with Constellation Energy $CEG ( ▲ 3.08% ) to buy 1.1 gigawatts of energy from the company’s nuclear power plant in Illinois. The plant won’t actually power Meta’s AI data centers, though. The juice will still go directly into the grid. Instead, the “clean” nuclear energy will offset Meta burning fossil fuels like a developing nation in wartime.

+ The secret ingredient is crime. Turns out the days-long Victoria’s Secret $VSCO ( ▲ 6.13% ) website outage last week was linked to a “security incident.” My money was on “forgot to renew the domain on GoDaddy.” The lingerie retailer said the hack would force it to delay its earnings by a few days… but it’s definitely, totally, 100% NOT because its financials would be negatively impacted. Seriously, guys, you have to believe us.

+ Two chicks mandates at the same time, man. Just a few days after scoring a win on the inflation front (see: favorable core PCE data), J-Poww got good news for the employment mandate. JOLTS data showed 7.4M job openings, well above the 7.1M expected by the smartest guys in the room.

+ Dave Ramsey would like a word. There's a much easier way to pay down crippling debt faster, you guys. Spoiler: it's using a no-interest credit card. Some of the top credit card experts identified one of their favorites that puts interest on ice until nearly 2027 AND offers up to 5% cash back on qualifying purchases. Start paying down debt faster with this top pick. [FYI, this is a partner post]

+ Leather jacket check. Checks. Says “I’ll be back”? Check. Jensen Huang is basically the Terminator. Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 1.24% ) is back atop the stonk market league tables, surpassing Microsoft to become the most valuable company in the world.

+ Elon out here trying to get a matching black eye from MAGA faithful. Just a few days after his retirement party in the Oval Office, Elon called Trump’s spending bill a "disgusting abomination.” He wasn’t done there (obviously), indicating the package will “massively increase the already gigantic budget deficit to $2.5 trillion (!!!) and burden America [sic] citizens with crushingly unsustainable debt." You might recall he was brought in to save the government money…

+ US stocks “climbed on Tuesday as upbeat economic data helped counter concerns raised by the OECD about the potential economic harm from President Trump's tariffs.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “pared back earlier gains on Tuesday as investors weighed the U.S. economic growth outlook following a cut to estimates from the OECD. Investors also continued to monitor rising trade tensions with China as well as the European Union.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “climbed about 2% on Tuesday to a two-week high as persistent geopolitical tensions between Russia and Ukraine, and the U.S. and Iran looked set to keep sanctions on both OPEC+ members Russia and Iran in place for longer.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “rebounded slightly on Tuesday, recouping some of its weekend losses, although crypto markets remained rangebound amid heightened uncertainty over U.S. trade tariffs and their economic impact.” (Investing.com)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Dollar General and NIO reported before the bell

+ CrowdStrike, Hewlett-Packard, and Asana reported after hours

+ Zscaler hosted an innovation briefing for investors during the company's Zenith Live 2025 event

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Dollar Tree reports before the bell

+ MongoDB, ChargePoint, and Five Below report after hours

+ Management with Kraft Heinz and Ulta Beauty will present at the Deutsche Bank dbAccess Global Consumer Conference

+ Atlanta Federal Reserve Bank President Raphael Bostic will give welcome and closing remarks before a Fed Listens event, "How Monetary Policy and Macroeconomic Conditions Affect Individuals and Businesses."

+ The Federal Reserve will release its Beige Book Report

Yesterday, I asked, “For $50k would you eat ALL handheld foods with a fork and knife for the rest of your life (think: sandwiches, candy bars, bananas, pizza etc.)?”

67.3% of you said “No chance.”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

• No chance: “Not for 50K 500K we can talk about it”

• Yup: “I already do for the most part, so I'm used to the strange looks while out in public.”

• No chance: “Not sure how long I'll live with my lifestyle, but using a fork and knife while on gummies or drunk seems impossible”

• Yup: “I think the irony of it would be funny since I bully these people”

• No chance: “That would be like 10 cents a food item by the time it’s all said and done.”

• Yup: “that 50k can turn into a down payment on a multi family home. all about that passive income dawg. ”

Here’s today’s question…

Did you really think it wouldn’t be about Snack Wraps?

Why I’m really in the newsletter mines every day…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.