Hey there weekday warrior,

No one deserved this more than Detroit, after the way the Lions’ season ended.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 15 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Make the Rust Belt Great Again

Casseroles and cars… that’s what the Midwest does.

During what was a (relatively) uneventful Monday (by the past week’s standards), Donnie Duties teased a few more tariff exemptions. This time for the car industry.

At an event with President of El Salvador Nayib Bukele, presumably somewhere in between discussing that dude stuck in the world’s most notorious prison and making Bitcoin legal tender, POTUS said “I’m looking for something to help some of the car companies, where they’re switching to parts that were made in Canada, Mexico and other places, and they need a little bit of time because they’re going to make them here.”

And every carmaker in the world really hopes they’re “some” of the carmakers on #47’s short list. The Street seems to think he’s talking about US carmakers. Case in point: Ford $F ( ▼ 0.2% ), GM $GM ( ▲ 0.49% ), Stellantis $STLA ( ▲ 0.97% ), and Tesla $TSLA ( ▲ 9.8% ) (duh) all popped on the news.

You might recall that 25% tariffs on any fully built cars went into effect on April 3rd. And tariffs on parts were expected to go live before May 3. Representatives for Callahan Auto Parts were not available for comment.

Speaking of exemptions…

Remember that time (read: this weekend) when the Trump administration couldn’t decide whether tech products would be exempt from tariffs?

Welp, on Monday they went all “f*ck it, we ball.” In a comment that screams “Tim Apple just sold his soul,” President Trump said this: “I helped Tim Cook, recently, and that whole business.”

So, yeah, it appears that at least some computer, smartphone, and chip exemptions are a go.

AAPL jumped on the news, reclaiming a $3T market cap and putting MSFT, which had recently overtaken it as the most valuable company, in a body bag.

Ok, now import some AI tech that actually works, Apple…

+ *Jensen Huang frantically searching eBay for American flag leather jackets*

Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 4.3% ) is bending the knee for Team America (read: dodging tariffs via a sh*tload of US manufacturing investments). The chipmaker that would’ve made you rich (if you sold when you should have) announced its intention to produce up to $500B of AI infrastructure right here in God’s country over the next 4 years.

Jensen’s really hoping to sidestep those 32% Taiwan tariffs by building new manufacturing plants in partnership with Foxconn in Houston and Wistron in Dallas. The plants are expected to be delivering at max capacity within about a year.

Meanwhile, the Nvidia’s Blackwell AI chip printer at TSM’s $TSM ( ▲ 0.56% ) Phoenix, AZ plant is going brrr. The White House called the move the “Trump effect in action,” which sounds like a good name for Stormy Daniels’ biopic.

+ Zuck is getting grilled harder than these meats…

Zuckerbot is spending some quality time in the hot seat in a DC court defending against the FTC’s antitrust accusations. Uncle Sam wants to make Meta $META ( ▲ 2.65% ) pay for the aggressive “buy or bury” tactics (allegedly) used to acquire Instagram and WhatsApp and generally crush market competition.

Zuck’s main beef is with the prosecution’s definition of Meta’s market being limited to “friends and family” sharing apps, while other apps like TikTok and Snapchat $SNAP ( ▲ 2.52% ) are excluded from that definition. Friendly reminder: the FTC approved both deals over a decade ago (IG for $1B in 2012 and WhatsApp for $19B in 2014).

+ “They not like us” - Eli Lilly $LLY ( ▲ 2.89% )  & Novo Nordisk $NVO ( ▼ 0.88% )  

Pfizer $PFE ( ▲ 0.62% ) is giving up on its experimental weight loss pill (read: an oral (ayy) GLP-1) after it caused liver injury to a trial participant.

+ Goldman Sachs $GS ( ▼ 0.09% ) just crushed its Q1 earnings report with a yuge top and bottom line beat. Profit rose 15% YoY despite the all-out trade war trade tensions…

+ The internet did not disappoint with its coverage of yesterday’s Blue Origin launch (see: ‘MILFennium Falcon’ and ‘SpaceXX’)…

Blue Origin launched an all-female crew, including Katy Perry, Gayle King, and Lauren Sánchez, into space for its 11th human flight. And the haters were out in full force when they found out that the flight only lasted ~10 minutes and barely reached space.

+ Starbucks $SBUX ( ▼ 0.06% ) is about to get a new dress code for baristas, and the blue-haired baristas are about to get their Arab Spring on. The new uniform? Solid black shirts with khakis or blue jeans. Like God intended.

+ US stocks “rose in a choppy session on Monday, helped by a rally in tech names following a surprise U.S. tariff exemption from President Donald Trump.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year yield “pulled back sharply on Monday, continuing its recent streak of wild swings as investors navigate the global trade minefield.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices settled slightly higher on Monday on exemptions for some electronics from U.S. tariffs and data showing a sharp rebound in China’s crude imports in March, but gains were limited by concerns that the trade war could weaken global economic growth and dent fuel demand.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Goldman reported before the bell

+ Applied Digital reported after hours

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Johnson & Johnson, Bank of America, and Citigroup report before the bell

+ Interactive Brokers Group and United Airlines report after hours

+ The three-day Salesforce Tableau Conference begins

Yesterday, I asked, “For the rest of your life you either have to eat all your steak well done or dip every bite in A.1. Which fate are you taking?”

77.5% of you picked A.1.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

• A.1.: “Shoe leather is not food. ”

• Well done: “Who hurt you Tyler?”

• A.1.: “And A.1. is excellent in a bloody mary.”

• Well done: “can I wipe off the A1 after dipping it?”

• A.1.: “I will rinse every bite off if I need to…these are both terrible ideas, but switch proteins if you like it well done.”

• Well done: “My steak's natural juices still taste better than A.1. even when well done.”

Here’s today’s question…

According to the data, more than 50% of Coachella attendees financed their ticket purchases via buy now, pay later. So…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.