Editor’s note: This newsletter was written while on Mood’s Hero Dose Rapid Onset THC Gummies. Enjoy.

Hey there weekday warriors,

Is it just me, or would the world be a better place if we were all a little bit more like Jamie Dimon? Despite admitting that he’d never buy Bitcoin personally, JD said “I defend your right to smoke a cigarette, [and] I’ll defend your right to buy a Bitcoin.” Amen.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• Apple lets its guard down

• Inflation cannot be stopped

• Boeing’s latest crash

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 20 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “notched gains across the board on Tuesday after key inflation data came in hotter than expected to help set expectations for the timing of a Federal Reserve interest-rate cut.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “slightly higher Tuesday as investors assessed key inflation data that came in about as expected, adding to expectations the Federal Reserve can wait until later this year to start cutting interest rates." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “dipped on Tuesday, settling slightly lower after a higher-than-expected forecast for U.S. crude oil production and bearish economic data, but persistent geopolitical tensions limited declines.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin climbed “above $73,000 for the first time ever before suddenly slipping nearly 6% from those levels, before modestly rebounding.” (Coindesk)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +7.1% 2) TSMC +3.8% 3) Boeing -4.2%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ The worst part of Clover Health jumping 6.2% on an earnings beat and a healthy 2024 outlook is that Chamath can go all “I told you so.”

– On Holdings (you know, the official shoes of people who wear Lululemon pants to the office) did its best Allbirds’ impression. The stock fell 8.8% after missing Q4 revenue expectations and posting a surprise loss. Do better, Roger Federer.

+ TMC the metals company (yes, that’s its government name, and, no, “the metals company” is not supposed to be capitalized) rose 12.9% after the WSJ reported on new funding for deep sea mining in a bill recently introduced to Congress.

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“Mr. Cook, tear down this wall.”

- in an extremely Ronald Reagan voice

Olympus Cupertino has fallen, ladies and gentlemen. Apple (+0.2%) has officially opened the gates to its walled garden… in the EU at least.

Thanks to the European Union’s Digital Markets Acts, Apple has become a little more chill.

On Tuesday, AAPL said developers in the EU will be able to offer app downloads directly on their websites later this spring. In the biz, they call that sideloading, because it circumvents the App Store (and the Apple tax).

And it might be the only thing Apple hates more than people like me bringing up that U2 album they shoved down our throats that one time. We didn’t forget.

Don’t feel too bad for the world’s most valuable company, though...

It’ll still micromanage apps outside of its ecosystem because “sEcUrItY.” Oh, and devs will only be able to offer an app for web download if they have amassed 1M downloads in the past 12 months. Sorry, Flappy Bird, you’re ineligible. And, of course, Apple will still collect a “core technology fee” of “€0.50 for each first annual install over one million in the past 12 months.” Whatever that actually means…

The blue text boys will also be forced to allow users to launch their own app stores… as long as they only include apps from one company. So, not the Google Play Store.

Shares didn’t move on the news mostly because the decision has been hanging over big tech’s head for months. The DMA focuses on 6 major “gatekeeping” companies. Its goal is to foster competition in the tech space. Failure to comply could result in CEOs being tarred and feathered fines that equal up to 10% of global revenue.

Tyler’s take… It appears that Apple will play nice with the EU… and Steve Jobs is presumably turning in his grave. Last week, Apple reversed course, allowing Epic (the maker of Fortnite) to make it its b*tch. You might recall that Apple banned the game studio’s indy app marketplace… until the EU said it was investigating the matter.

+ Homebuyers need to earn 80% more than in 2020 to afford a house in this market. It’s not just due to high mortgage rates (Read)

+ The Best Financial Advisor for You Might Not Be Local (Read)

~ ICYMI... 47% of parents still financially support adult children, study finds. Here’s how much they spend (Read)

+ Inflation really out here making J-Poww look like a genius for not cutting rates.

February’s Consumer Price Index read showed that inflation is moving in the wrong direction. The Bureau of Labor Statistics said inflation jumped by 3.2% year over year and 0.4% vs. last month. The monthly figure was in line with economists’ guesstimates, but the annual jump was higher than expected.

But wait, it gets worse…

Core CPI came in at 3.8% and 0.4%, respectively. That’s above consensus for the inflation gauge sans food and energy prices. Spoiler: this is the one more closely watched by Jerome Powell and the Fed.

Tyler’s take… Not surprisingly, markets kinda shrugged it off. At this point, investors have come to terms with the Fed not hiking until later this year. And they don’t think this blip on the radar is going to derail those plans… yet.

+ If you woke up in a cold sweat, concerned that it’s been nearly 24 hours since Boeing’s (-4.2%) PR team had to put out a 4-alarm fire, I’ve got good news…

Southwest (-14.8%) blamed Boeing for its financial troubles. S-Dub was hoping for 79 new planes from Boeing in 2024. But thanks to delays and the FAA’s refusal to certify its new Max jets, Boeing has committed to just 46. According to the airline, it will need to review its 2024 guidance…

Friendly reminder: Southwest isn’t the only airline throwing Boeing directly under the (air)bus. Alaska Airlines said its capacity was in flux thanks to uncertainty around its expected Boeing deliveries. And United is pausing pilot hiring because of jet delays.

Southwest took a beating on the news. And the Dow is really starting to have second thoughts about Boeing…

+ “Ok, hear me out” *puts on tinfoil hat* - the internet

A Boeing (-4.2%) whistleblower was found dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound in South Carolina over the weekend. According to his lawyer, he was involved in a lawsuit related to the production of the 787 Dreamliner. Since leaving the company in 2017, he has raised concerns about Boeing’s safety record and spoke out following the Alaska Air sh*tshow.

(On a very serious note, if you need some help, call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. Or call me. Just call someone.)

+ Google (+0.4%) doesn’t want that smoke. Google’s Gemini has straight-up canceled politics for the 2024 election cycle. Alphabet will restrict its chatbot’s responses related to elections. And it might be the smartest move Alphabet’s AI team has made to date.

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Dollar Tree and Petco report. Does anyone else have trust issues related to Dollar Tree jacking up prices to $1.25 in 2021?

+ The House is expected to vote on the bill that could ban TikTok

Yesterday I asked, “What is the GOAT candy bar?”

Not totally shocked that Snickers took the top spot. But #2 was a bit surprising. Listen, I like Kit Kats as much as the next guy, but I didn’t think it would beat Twix.

Also, shame on anyone who wrote in “Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.” Those are clearly peanut butter cups… not candy bars.

Here’s today’s question…

Frontier is offering new UpFront Plus seating, which allows you to block the middle seat on an airplane for $49 so you can get more elbow room. This seems like a no-brainer. So…

Oh, and two more things…

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Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

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This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional