Hey there weekday warrior,
Last chance… I’m looking to bring on a part-time writer for 2025. If you think that’s you, apply right now to help me build the best damn newsletter on the internet.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 10 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ US stocks “sank on Friday, recording steep weekly losses as investors absorbed Chair Jerome Powell's signal that the Federal Reserve won't hurry to make interest-rate cuts.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “was marginally higher on Friday, capping an eventful week of inflation data and comments from Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell suggesting the central bank may not be as aggressive on its rate-cutting campaign going forward.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “settled lower Friday, suffering a weekly loss as worries about waning Chinese demand and a bigger-than-expected build in U.S. inventories weighed.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin hovered between $90k and $91k for most of the weekend. What a time to be alive.
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -3.2% 2) Oklo -24.6% 3) Super Micro Computer +3.1% // +16.6% after hours
The market moves you need to know about…
– Alibaba investors went all ‘that don’t impress me much’. The Amazon of Asia beat on the bottom line but wasn’t able to meet top-line expectations. It probably didn’t help that its cloud biz had to put the team on its back to make up for lackluster e-comm results. Shares fell 2.2% on the day.
+ While vaccine makers are reeling after Trump’s nomination of RFK Jr. as the Head of the Department of Health and Human Services, psychedelic makers are having a moment. In the past, Kennedy has thrown shade at the FDA for its “aggressive suppression of psychedelics." Atai Life Sciences, one of the leading biopharma’s focused on psychedelics popped 17.5% on Friday.
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Netflix is a joke
Source: Giphy
“I’ll hit an old man in public.” - Jake Paul, probably
According to Netflix (-1.5%), more than 60M tuned in to watch Jake Paul commit elder abuse. On Friday night Netflix smashed a whole bunch of streaming records when Jake Paul and Mike Tyson “boxed” at AT&T Stadium.
But that was pretty much the only W for NFLX…
The “professional boxing match” was harder to watch than footage of the night you were conceived…
And not just because Mike Tyson had the mobility of your grandma (the one with the bad hip). Not unlike the Love is Blind LIVE reunion, Netflix’s servers couldn’t handle the volume. Most users dealt with buffering screens and straight-up outages.
It’s hard to say which had the general public angrier… the comically bad fight, having to watch it on the equivalent of dial-up internet, or Cedric the Entertainer being tapped as host/boxing analyst.
Bad news for Netflix’s engineers…
They only have a month to get their sh*t together. Netflix is streaming two NFL games on Christmas Day. Oh, and beginning in January, Netflix will become the home of WWE Raw (spoiler: a live weekly wrestling program).
No pressure…
+ Santa is going to be skipping some houses in Warren, Michigan this year…
GM (-1.0%) announced ~1k layoffs on Friday… because, you know, studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.
Most of the laid-off employees worked at the carmaker’s “technical center” outside of Detroit. Hey, look on the bright side, you’ll no longer be tethered to the rust belt wasteland that is Detroit.
This is all part of Mary Barra and Co.’s plan. GM is looking to slash costs by ~$2B this year as sales slump and they are forced to re-think their EV strategy.
+ Today in ‘things that don’t justify an 11% jump in share price’…
Palantir (+11.1%) rose on news that it plans to move its listing from the NYSE to the Nasdaq. While there are ETFs that track stocks in the Nasdaq 100, the move definitely isn’t the big f*cking deal an invite to the S&P 500 is.
Of course, the pop could have had something to do with one of Palantir’s board members tweeting “Everything we do is to reward and support our retail diamondhands following” following the decision. He deleted the post, presumably after legal went all “wtf dude?”
+ Speaking of being listed on the Nasdaq…
The process of Super Micro Computer (+3.1%) being booted from the Nasdaq could begin as soon as today. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call f*cking around and finding out.
The Nasdaq has a pretty low bar for maintaining compliance. It includes not being sketchy af and releasing financial reports in a timely manner. Unfortunately, SMCI can’t seem to do either.
The server maker will plead its case by submitting a plan for compliance today. This should include a promise about when investors can expect those year-end financials it has been withholding.
+ McDonald’s (-1.9%) is backing up the Brink’s truck following that E. Coli breakout. The Golden Arches has a $100M plan to make everyone forget they literally killed a person.
$65M of the McStraightCashHomie will be sent to those in need (franchisees impacted by the outbreak). And the remaining $35M will boost marketing efforts. As if RFK eating a Big Mac wasn’t a big enough endorsement…
+ 52-year-old billionaire CEO: I’ve woken up at 4:30 a.m. to work on vacations—so I can spend the days with family. Typical dad waking up early on vacation just so he can brag about it and say things like “get to bed early, we got a big day tomorrow.”
🔥 Nasdaq CEO shares the best investing advice she’s given her own son: It’s a ‘foundational element of wealth creation’. “YOLO into Doge.”
FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.
⏪ On Friday, Alibaba dropped earnings before the opening bell.
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Bit Digital reports before the bell
+ The G20 summit gets underway in Brazil
Friday, I asked, “What is the best season?”
46.1% of you said Fall. Absolutely NO love for Spring.
Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…
Summer: "Baseball, beaches, babes & beer” We get it dude, you have a six-pack.
Fall: “Strictly for football and hoodie weather” Try and name something better than a college football tailgate in a hoodie and shorts. You can’t.
Winter: “Hot chocolate, snow days, and lets not forget the best holidays are in the winter!” I’ll give you the holiday argument, but post-Jan 1 winter is brutal.
Fall: “Football, flannels, pumpkin beer. Basic white boy shit”
Spring: “Birds chirping, cool mornings, gorgeous days, all without mosquitos and humidity ruining everything.”
Winter: "Winter until January 1st (which is technically 9 days, but they are the best 9 days of the year). Then it becomes the worst season. Spring FTW after that.”
And here’s today’s question…
(Shoutout to Brad B. for today’s question)
Jake Paul pretty easily beat ‘the baddest man on the planet’ on Friday. Depending on who you ask, Jake’s either a decent boxer or absolute garbage. But I think we can all agree he’d decimate pretty much any geek on the street. So…
If you had access to the best trainers and a year to prep, would you step into the ring with Jake Paul for $20M (same amount Mike Tyson was paid)?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.