Hey there weekday warriors,

(Better late than never, I guess? The intern forgot to hit send this AM. Have no fear, he will be publicly shamed…)

You might have bought a $17 salad yesterday, but at least you didn’t spend $450k to go to space on a rocket ship that’s about as safe as the Titan submarine.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• Google unveils new (but old) AI chatbot

• Pinterest gets crushed

• Turnover at Expedia

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 11 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “held steady on Thursday, with the S&P 500 and Dow Jones Industrial Average narrowly reaching record highs as investors cheered Disney's upbeat earnings report and digested other corporate results.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “rose Thursday as investors assessed robust jobs data and recent remarks from Federal Reserve officials that dashed hopes for a March rate cut." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “surged to settle higher on Thursday as Israel rejected an Hamas proposed ceasefire, reigniting fears of widening conflict in the Middle East just as the U.S. continued its retaliatory strikes and Houthi rebels launched fresh attacks in the Red Sea.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “surpassed $45,000, reaching the price level for the first time since Jan. 12 after rallying 6% in two days. This movement coincided with the S&P 500 reaching a record high.” (Cointelegraph)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -0.65% 2) Arm +47.89% (not a typo) 3) Affirm +10.33%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ It’s Taylor Swift’s world, and we’re just living in it. Shares of Ralph Lauren jumped 16.7% following a big earnings beat… thanks in part to T-Swift. Travis Kelce’s girlfriend’s decision to wear Ralph Lauren on the cover of TIME for her Person of the Year shoot helped boost sales in the quarter.

– 23andMe fell 13.0% to 63 cents after reporting a train wreck of a quarter and floating the idea of splitting itself into two companies… as part of some sad attempt to avoid the inevitable (read: bankruptcy).

+ Cloudflare mooned 23.9% after hours following an easy earnings beat and offering some business updates that had investors fully bricked up.

+ Herbalife out here getting its pick and shovel on. The stock rose 6.2% on news that it would create nutrition products tailored towards GLP-1 (read: Ozempic) users. No one tell Bill Ackman…

New challenger approaching!

Tell me you’re afraid your product is about to go the way of Google+ without actually telling me…

Google just relaunched its AI chatbot Bard with a fresh name and brand. Meet Gemini (sidenote: the Winklevoss twins must be salivating, knowing that they get to sue another group of nerds).

The AI chatbot formerly known as Bard rolled out a new app and a paid version called Gemini Ultra 1.0. Listen, I hate to be that guy, but OpenAI is on ChatGPT 4…

Notably missing from the rollout: direct integration into search. You had one job, Sundar.

So, why the name change?

Well, according to Google, it’s because the company wants users to know that the chatbot is directly tied to Google’s Gemini large language model… because some dude who’s asking a chatbot to write Family Guy erotica really gives a sh*t about what’s powering his spank bank.

It might have something to do with Bard’s early stumbles (not to mention its stupid name). During its rushed launch event (spoiler: ChatGPT was eating Google’s lunch) Bard answered a question incorrectly in real time. And it didn’t exactly get a ton of traction compared to ChatGPT.

How bad did things get? Google founder Sergey Brin came out of retirement (which was probably pretty awesome, besides being cucked by Elon… allegedly) to save face at Google.

The big picture… To be clear, Google isn’t “losing” the AI race. It’s been working on generative artificial intelligence since before Sam Altman had pubes (early 2000s). But it’s run into issues with rolling out its consumer-facing products… thanks, in part, to ethical standards. So, it wouldn’t be totally surprising to see Google “catch up” to ChatGPT. And fast.

+ Founder of $1 billion startup says mom gave her $5,000 after college, then cut her off: ‘It forced me to start hustling’ (Read)

+ The No. 1 resume mistake according to ex-Amazon recruiter: You see it ‘all the way up to the C-suite’ (Read)

+ Solomon’s Paradox is probably holding you back (Read)

~ ICYMI... Early retiree who earned $380,000 in passive income last year: Your ‘best option’ for making money while you sleep (Read)

+ Bad week to be a store-brand social media platform…

A day after markets laid waste to Snap (-2.7%), Pinterest (-9.2% after hours) was taken out back and summarily executed.

Pinterest’s earnings report read like a call for help. Revenue missed analyst expectations. And even though top-line growth (12%) wasn’t as pathetic as Snap’s (5%), investors were not impressed. A Q1 revenue outlook that came in below the Street’s expectations probably didn’t do it any favors, either.

The only saving grace? PINS announced a deal with Google similar to the one it recently inked with Amazon. Read: Google will serve ads directly on Pinterest. Shares rebounded on the news after being down as much as 20% in the extended session.

WTF does it mean? Ok, so you’re telling me that Pinterest will be the direct beneficiary of two of the biggest ad businesses in the world (it would need to land Meta to complete the Triple Crown), without a whole lot of incremental cost, but investors are treating it like its Friendster? Ok. Got it.

+ I will die on the hill that there has to be no better feeling for a CEO than shares plummeting after they announce they are stepping down (almost good enough to offset the sting of massive paper losses)…

So Expedia’s (-13.0% after hours) Peter Kern must have felt really good about himself. Shares of Expedia fell 13% after he announced he’d be stepping away immediately. The current head of the B2B biz Ariane Gorin will take over. Of course, the stock could have tumbled because Kern failed to give a real reason for his departure. Or perhaps it was the gross bookings miss and soft outlook.

The big picture… Hard to tell if the miss on gross bookings and room night growth says more about the travel sector or Expedia’s failure to capitalize on the post-lockdown travel boom. Airbnb doesn’t seem to have similar growth problems…

+ Honestly, a door plug blowing out at 30k feet would be so much more bearable if there was free in-flight Wi-Fi. Hawaiian Airlines (+0.1%) is partnering with SpaceX Starlink to roll out free Wi-Fi on all its flights. It’s Starlink’s first major deal with a major US airline. (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Pepsi and Newell Brands report

+ Super Bowl weekend could be yuge for sports gambling companies

My prediction of tomorrow’s TWC headlines, today…

~ Crystal ballin’… “AB InBev is Super Bowl’s big winner” (timeline: next month)

Honestly, AB InBev (aka Bud Light) doesn’t have much of a choice but to bring its A-game to the Super Bowl to jumpstart sales.

Here’s today’s question (again)…

Why do you love The Water Coolest?

Ok, I’m asking partially because I need some testimonials for a new website build-out. But mostly because I need the validation. Reply directly to this email. Thanks in advance.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional