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TOGETHER WITH
Hey there weekday warrior,
We haven’t done this in a minute, so… if you’re reading this, reply to this newsletter with “SNACC” (think: snap necks and cash checks).
Why, you ask? Because it reminds the email gods that TWC is a good sender and worthy of your inbox.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 11 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Not a cellphone in sight
… just patrons living in the moment.
Imagine anything worse than not being able to participate in the group chat during Wednesday’s record-breaking market mooning. You can’t…
But that was the fate which befell the patrons of the Masters during Wednesday’s epic rally (rumor has it if you call the patrons “fans” you’re sent directly to Gitmo).
You see there are no cell phones allowed at Augusta National during the Masters (you will be sent to Gitmo AND waterboarded by Dick Cheney himself if you’re caught with a burner phone). Want to call home or the office (let’s face it, if you’re at the Masters, you work in an office)? You have to use (free) pay phones like you’re Avon Barksdale in ‘The Wire.’
This means for the entire day, everyone on Magnolia Lane was not-so-blissfully unaware of WTF was happening on Wall Street (save for the fans that ran into the WSJ journo who was going around asking “bro, how bad is your FOMO right now, lol?”).
On the bright side, the patrons got to consume pimento cheese sandwiches for the price of a Costco hot dog combo ($1.50). And if they were lucky enough to attend on Thursday, too, it meant they didn’t have to live through the carnage us plebs had to endure…
And we’re back
You see, markets were back on their bullsh*t Thursday. The buzz of Trump’s tariff pause wore off yesterday, and the sell-off continued.
The S&P 500 fell 3.4% on the day, which somehow feels like not that big a deal in a world where a 5% swing is the new 0.25% move.
Why?
Because China, that’s why. Remember when we used to fight with Beijing about soybean tariffs? Bring me back…
Yesterday, the White House “clarified” that the 125% tariffs were actually 145%. Whoops.
Of course, President Xi should consider himself lucky that the guy from The Apprentice is President and not Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank. Kevin O’Leary is lobbying for 400% tariffs (and you guys can stop trying because Kev just locked up the Nobel Prize for economics).
The EU pausing its retaliatory tariffs for 90 days (and import taxes not being 400%) wasn’t enough to overcome the China tariff news, fears of recession, and crippling economic uncertainty.
Anyway, happy Masters weekend.
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+ It’s called fashion, sweetie. Look it up.
Prada just bought Versace at an outlet mall-style discount. Friendly reminder: US-based parent co. Capri $CPRI ( ▲ 1.16% ) (the fashion brand formerly known as Michael Kors) paid $2.1B for Versace back in 2018. So what’s it worth now?
Well, either Prada hammered Versace at the negotiation table like a high-fashion Logan Roy, or it just waited for some high-stakes tariff pressure to carpe the deal-diem. Either way, Prada’s walking away with Versace for a cool $1.3B…
The acquisition comes less than a month after Donatella Versace, 69 (nice), stepped down as Chief Creative Officer to retire and enjoy her remaining plastic surgeries years as a brand ambassador.
+ March CPI just came in cooler than a Bladerunner 2049-themed Tesla ad...
CPI fell 0.1% in March, lowering the 12-month inflation rate to 2.4%. And core inflation dipped to its lowest point since March 2021 (2.8%). Dropping energy prices (-6.3%) led the charge, along with airline fares (-5.3%) and prescription drugs (-2%).
Which is great news because you’ll need all that cash for $28 omelettes (egg prices rose another 5.9%). Wall Street is pricing in 3-4 cuts in 2025, even though all this tariff flip-flopping has J-Poww starring in a live-action version of that one Adult Swim meme.
+ ICE is killing the vibes. Modelo Especial sales are tanking due to demand from Hispanic populations slowing down. Constellation Brands $STZ ( ▼ 1.15% ) is projecting a miss on annual profits due to lighter demand and Mexican tariffs. This is the break Bud Light’s been waiting for.
+ Swiss pharma company Novartis $NVS ( ▲ 0.87% ) announced it would spend $23B to build 10 facilities in the US due to the threat of drug tariffs. Tariffs started a different type of war on drugs.
+ “The price is wrong, b*tch” - Topgolf shareholders.
Topgolf Callaway $MODG ( ▼ 1.9% ) shares had a worse day than Nick Dunlap at the Masters yesterday after announcing an agreement to sell its Jack Wolfskin business to ANTA Sports $ANPDF ( ▲ 9.85% ) for $290M of cold, hard cash.
+ This story would be better with espionage and a Slack channel honey pot. BASF $BASFY ( ▲ 0.79% ) is accusing Warren Buffett’s Duracell of stealing its lithium-ion battery trade secrets.
+ US stocks “fell Thursday, giving back some of the gains from the historic rally seen in the previous session after President Donald Trump announced a 90-day reprieve on some of his "reciprocal" tariffs. Investors worried that even with the short pause on some of the duties, economic activity will be slowed by Trump's singling out of China with a much higher rate.” (CNBC)
+ The 10-year yield “moved lower on Thursday as the market received positive news on inflation and investors breathed a sigh of relief after President Donald Trump enacted a 90-day tariff reprieve on most countries, reversing a sharp sell-off in bonds.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices settled more than $2 per barrel lower on Thursday, wiping out the last session’s rally, as investors reassessed a planned pause in sweeping U.S. tariffs and focus shifted to a deepening trade war between Washington and Beijing.” (Reuters)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ Lovesac reported before the bell
+ Walmart held its annual shareholder meeting
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ JP Morgan, Blackrock, Morgan Stanley, Wells Fargo, Bank of New York, and Fastenal drop earnings before the bell
+ The producer price index report for March will be released
Yesterday, I asked, “Assuming the same exact pay and benefits, would you prefer your current job (work current # of hours) or working at the US iPhone factory (8-hour shift on the assembly line)?”
85.7% of you said Current job.
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Current job: “I only have to go to the office twice a week, no chance I'm sacrificing that kind of work life balance.”
I’ll make iPhones: “Sitting and gossiping while doing mindless work? And then knowing how to fix your iPhone when it breaks? Dream scenario!”
Current job: “Sorry I don’t like the sound or feel of a cracking whip. ”
I’ll make iPhones: “Same pay and only 8 hours? Sign me up”
Current job: “Airline pilot here. I use my generous amount of free time to travel and fester in my millennial existential crisis.”
Here’s today’s question…
Have you replied to this email yet?
Why, you ask? Because it reminds the email gods that TWC is a good sender and worthy of your inbox.
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter? |
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.
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Advertiser Disclosure
This is a paid advertisement for Boxabl’s Regulation A offering. Please read the offering circular here. This is a message from Boxabl.
*Reserving a Nasdaq ticker does not guarantee a future listing on Nasdaq or indicate that BOXABL meets any of Nasdaq's listing criteria to do so.