Hey there weekday warriors,

Today we’re breaking down earnings from Amazon and Apple.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 9 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “sold off Thursday, with the Dow Jones Industrial Average tumbling nearly 500 points, as investors' fears over a recession surfaced” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “fell Thursday as investors digested comments from Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell, who suggested a September rate cut was on the table, along with a jump in U.S. jobless claims.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled more than $1 lower on Thursday as global supply seemed largely unaffected by worries of a wider Middle East crisis after the killing of a Hamas leader in Iran, and as investors refocused on demand concerns.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “slipped on Thursday, extending a recent decline and taking little support from a rally on Wall Street after the Federal Reserve flagged the possibility of a September interest rate cut.“ (Investing)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -6.6% 2) AMD -8.2% 3) Apple -1.6% // +0.5% after hours

The market moves you need to know about…

– Snap shares falling 20%+ after reporting earnings is a tradition unlike any other. Snap plummeted 16.2% after reporting a top-line miss and sharing abysmal guidance. Ok, hear me out, Ev… stop trying to make the Spectacles happen.

+ Jack Dorsey hasn’t lost his fastball. Shares of the company formerly known as Square (read: Block) jumped 5.0% after hours despite mixed earnings.

– Roblox’s very real CFO leaving the company overshadowed an upwardly revised forecast and an earnings beat. The stonk fell 6.4% on the day.

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One-Star Review

Amazon (-1.5% // -6.8% after hours) appears to have purchased its most recent quarter on Temu.

The e-comm OG beat pretty easily on the bottom line, but missed revenue predictions.

AWS managed to best expectations, because, of course, it did. Meanwhile, its increasingly important (and wildly profitable) ad unit fell short of the Street’s consensus.

Race to the bottom…

So where’d Amazon go wrong? Well, for starters, consumers are trading down to cheaper products, which has led to lower average selling prices.

Speaking of cheaper stuff…

Amazon shoppers are turning to (even cheaper) alternatives (with even more microplastics). Think: Temu and Shein.

“Alexa, what does the current quarter look like?”

*Amazon adds ‘attempted Presidential assassinations’ to its risk factors*

The Fire Phone maker’s current quarter forecast came in below expectations too. But not just because consumers are pumping the brakes on spending…

Amazon pointed to the “unusually busy news cycle” for the slowdown in sales, calling out the Paris Olympics and the attempt on Donny Politics’ life. You can’t make this sh*t up…

+ And this is why Foxconn employees assembling iPhones in China command 12 cents an hour…

Apple (-1.6% // +0.5% after hours) beat on the top and bottom lines in its most recent quarter. Now just imagine what it could have done if it innovated even a little bit in the past decade.

Every line of biz, except Mac, beat its sales expectations. Most importantly, iPhone sales came in above consensus. But, to be fair, that still represents a 1% year-over-year drop.

Technically, Apple doesn’t offer up guidance, because Tim Cook has “found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed…”

But, during its earnings call, Apple’s CFO said it expects growth “similar” to the current quarter (~5%).

+ “I’m not even mad, that’s amazing…” - Intel investors

It’s truly impressive just how pathetic Intel’s (-5.5% // -18.9% after hours) earnings report was. The chipmaker missed on the top and bottom lines, or as Intel likes to call it, ‘business as usual.’

It also handed down some anemic guidance. And just in case you thought, “I’ve seen worse,” the chipmaker also said it’s suspending its dividend.

The only redeeming aspect? INTC will lay off 15% of its global workforce of 125k.

+ Need proof that investors are more batsh*t than your crazy ex?

On Wednesday, stocks mooned (all major indices rose more than 1%) after J-Poww went all “we might cut rates in September, you guys.”

Then, yesterday, the US indices gave it all (and more) back after. We got our hands on two data points that were of the “not great, Bob” variety. Initial jobless claims jumped the most since August ‘23. And ISM manufacturing data showed a major slowdown.

The fear? That the Fed is too late, and we might not get a soft landing after all. Higher for longer rates might have slowed the economy too much, which means we’re spiraling towards a recession.

Well, that, or we’ll be totally fine…

Oh, and…

+ Venu Sports Streaming Service to Cost $42.99 a Month. Life hack: it’s free if a friend or family lets you borrow their password.

+ Kohl’s bets on Babies R Us as it tries to attract younger families, higher sales. Ok, now do Toys R Us.

+ Student loan forgiveness may be on the way for roughly 25 million borrowers. Here’s what to know.

+ Americans have 4 core beliefs about money—but only one helps you get richer. #2: Always tip your landlord.

+ 5 Genius Hacks Amazon Shoppers Must Know (They Can't Stop You). Eat a d*ck, Bezos.

🔥 5 Types of Homes Expected To Plummet in Value by the End of 2025. I’ve got bad news for everyone living in a trailer park…

🔥 How to Calculate the Value of an MBA [Calculator]. This is why my kids are becoming plumbers…

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday, Toyota, Shell, ABInBev, Ferrari, Roblox, Kellogg's, SiriusXM, Crocs, and Wayfair reported before the bell. Apple, Amazon, Intel, Coinbase, Block, DoorDash, Snap, DraftKings, and Roku dropped earnings after the close.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ ExxonMobil and Chevron report before the open

+ All eyes will be on the July jobs report

Yesterday, I asked, “You get one for free for the rest of your life, but can't have the others. Which are you choosing?”

Cleaning person eked out a W over personal chef.

Here’s what you guys had to say…

• Personal chef: "A driver would beat all of these."

• Babysitter: “The fear of never being able to use a babysitter is too great.”

• Personal chef: "Have you ever hired one for a vacation? It’s better than sex.”

• Landscaper: "I already have a cleaning person and laundry doer, I call her my wife (please don't tell her I said that). Landscaper for the win! Let someone else take the gamma rays, I'll be inside reading TWC and wondering why Tyler never posts my comments (I know why)."

• Personal chef: "Anything to make me fatter... especially with winter coming up and I can save on my heating bill.”

Here’s today’s question…

+ Let’s have ourselves a weekend…

youraveragefinancebro

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Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.