Hey there weekday warriors,

(Heads up, if you already know the yuge news about the future of The Water Coolest, you can skip this part...)

By now you've probably seen the headlines and the posts about some changes at Barstool. And, well, things are changing on my end too...

After nearly two years at Barstool, The Water Coolest is going independent (again). And I'll be in the driver's seat, which means not a damn thing is going to change (except, the logo and some legal language... obviously).

"So, do I have to do anything?" - you, probably

Yep. We'll be sending from thewatercoolest.com domain (again). So, to ensure you always get the emails, you should tell your email provider that you're cool with getting emails from [email protected].

Here's how to do it...

1. Add [email protected] to your address book/tell your email provider we're safe (here are instructions for every email provider).

2. That's it.

I appreciate you coming along for the ride. And if you have any questions, you can reach out directly at [email protected].

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

Tyler

PS, Have some questions? Concerns? Been hoping to collab? Just want to chat? Drop me a note >

+ US stocks rose "as investors ramped up bullish bets on big tech, shrugging off an ongoing climb in Treasury yields as attention shifts to a step up in pace of quarterly earnings expected this week." (Investing.com)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield "edged higher on Monday as investors faced increased U.S. government debt issuance while an expected Israeli ground offensive in Gaza remained imminent, keeping the bond market in a tentative mood." (Yahoo! Finance)

+ Oil "fell more than $1 a barrel on Monday as expectations rose that the U.S. and Venezuela could soon reach a deal easing sanctions on Venezuelan crude exports, while traders said the Israel-Hamas conflict did not appear to threaten oil supplies in the short term." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin jumped more than 10% on Monday morning after Cointelegraph reported that the SEC had approved BlackRock's spot bitcoin ETF. Just one problem: it wasn't actually true, and the tweet was deleted. Still, BTC held on to a significant chunk of the gainz. (MarketWatch)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24-hours were: 1) Nvidia +1.39% 2) Tesla +1.12% 3) C3.ai +0.12%.

#OpenToWork

Oh, the irony. There are about to be lots of cringy LinkedIn posts from former LinkedIn employees thanking LinkedIn for "the opportunity to be a part of something so special"...

The social media network that has to deal with a different breed of trolls (see: SaaS sales people in your inbox) is making a blood sacrifice. LinkedIn is laying off 688 employees​, or roughly 3% of its workforce.

The changes will impact mostly engineers… which checks out when you consider that the site hasn’t changed since the Obama administration.

Why?

Because LinkedIn is the hottest social media network in the game. Hear me out…

Its popularity has skyrocketed. Exhibit A: membership has grown steadily over the last 2 years (spoiler: most of them are just people saying “commenting for reach”​). Still, revenue growth has plateaued​. Apparently, no one is willing to pony up $60 per month for Premium to see who searched for them...

Sales grew just 5% in the most recent quarter. And that sort of pathetic upward trajectory just isn’t enough to satisfy Satya Nadella’s blood thirst for hockey stick growth. So he’s gutting the biz to extract more margin.

Rounding error

Of course, less 700 employees is a drop in the bucket, given that Microsoft employs ~220k worldwide. If only they weren't real human beings with families to feed. In January, the company that took Clippy from us too soon let go 10k employees amid broader tech layoffs.

Probably just a coincidence that all these redundancies come at a time when Microsoft is pouring tens of billions annually into the tech (read: AI) that will replace human employees... and probably the human race at some point.

Shares of Microsoft were up about 1.5% on the day... which was roughly in line with the Nasdaq.

+ US Employees Spend An Absurd Amount A Day When Working Full Time In An Office, Including $65 A Week In Breakfast And Coffee (Read)

+ NFL Player Arik Armstead Gives A Line-By-Line Breakdown Of His Paycheck (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... 56% of adults feel ‘behind’ on retirement savings, survey finds. Here’s how to tell if you are (Read)

+ How the f*ck does David Solomon still have a job at Goldman Sachs? When Goldman reports today, it's expected to unveil a girthy loss linked to the Apple Card partnership. The black hole associated with that product alone is reportedly more than $1B (and closing in on its second billion fast). Woof.

And it turns out GS execs not named DJ D-Sol are big mad about it. One Goldman partner said: "We should have never done this f—ing thing."

So what's a master of the universe to do? Make the Apple Card someone else's problem, of course. Previously reported "talks" with Amex to take over the dumpster fire of a product are allegedly still ongoing. Although, it isn't entirely clear why American Express would take on a card program that lights money on fire. Or why it would partner with Apple...

Shares of Goldman were up more than 1.6% on the day. (Read)

What else?

+ The good news is that Snap's stock jumped almost 12% on the day. The bad news is that founder and CEO Evan Spiegel has got a rat on the inside. An internal memo leaked to the Verge that the d*ck pic app is expecting 475M daily active users in 2024... a boat load more than the 447M the Street was predicting. Oh, and internal "confidential" (you know, the kind that you don't send to a tech blog) expectations are for 20% top line growth, vs. a consensus of 14%. (Read)

+ Sure, sex is great, but have you ever been added to the S&P 500? Lululemon has been called up to the big leagues. It'll join the S&P 500 on Wednesday, replacing Activision Blizzard, which Microsoft bought this week. And the stonk mooned more than 10% on the news, its highest level since the year of our lord 2021 (bring me back). Companies added to major indices tend to get a big boost on expectations that mutual funds and ETFs that track those indexes will have to buy up stock. (Read)

+ Hand up... today I learned that Netflix already makes mobile games that people actually play (see: Netflix Stories: Love is Blind). And not just a few... NFLX says it has more than 50 titles available for no additional cost to anyone that borrows a password with a subscription.

And it has plans to expand beyond the small screen. It hopes to leverage its recent acquisition of a game studio to create streaming titles that can be played on TVs and PCs. For f*ck's sake, it's even in talks with Take Two Interactive to create a GTA spinoff. Shares of NFLX rose almost 1.5% on the day... which could've had something to do with rumors that the company will jack up prices as soon as tomorrow when it reports Q3 earnings. (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ J&J, Bank of America, Goldman, and Lockheed Martin report

+ The NY Fed President speaks at the Economic Club of New York

+ September retail sales report drops

Yesterday, I asked What is the greatest video game of all time?

Lots of the OGs made the list: think Pong and Tetris. But the top 3 were pretty clear (and said a lot about who reads this newsletter):

1) GoldenEye 007

2) Tony Hawk Pro Skater

3) Skyrim

Here's today's question...

A Citi employee didn't just get fired for trying to expense two sandwiches... he also lost a wrongful termination lawsuit because he lied about who ate one of the sandwiches​. So...

What is the worst thing you can get fired for?

Respond directly to this email and I'll share the best answers tomorrow.

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from? No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.