Shout to everyone who completed the TWC survey (and shame on you if you didn’t). It’s going to be super helpful in creating the newsletter and community you guys want going forward. And I’ll be contacting the winner of the $250 Amazon gift card today. You’ve got 24 hours to reply, or I’m moving on to the next person. No pressure.

For those of you that don’t win… I’ve got a consolation prize (I think): Elon dropped his ChatGPT rival this weekend. Grok (yes, that’s the name) will surely be the gift that keeps on giving if Elon’s other projects are any indication.

Here’s what else we’re getting into…

Enjoy the next few 4 minutes and 15 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks "rose Friday after a soft jobs report drove bond yields lower, and the major averages registered their best week in 2023." (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield "pulled back on Friday after key employment data came in cooler than economists anticipated." (CNBC)

+ Oil "fell Friday, racking up a second-straight weekly loss as easing concerns about Middle East supply disruptions took center stage offsetting the boost from a swing lower in the dollar following a weaker monthly jobs report." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin continues to hover around $35k… because “SpOt bITCOiN EtFs,” of course…

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24-hours were: 1) Nvidia +3.45% 2) Apple -0.52% 3) Tesla +0.66%.

Investors just went all “We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive!”

After an absolutely brutal October… and September… and August… investors are coming in hotter than the IRS when you haven’t reported $601 in Venmo purchases. The S&P 500 was up nearly 6% (5.85% to be exact) in the first week of November. That sound you hear is the hopes and dreams of permabears being vaporized.

To put in perspective just how wild of a turnaround it actually is, the S&P 500 entered a correction last Friday…

So, wtf happened?

It was a perfect sh*tstorm of catalysts…

Earlier in the week, the Fed said it would hold rates steady, and J-Poww maintained a pretty, pretty dovish tone during his presser. Oh, and the US Treasury made its issuance announcement that the Street didn’t hate. Meanwhile, bond yields chilled the f*ck out…

And for the week’s final trick… we got a “Goldilocks” jobs report. And by that I mean fewer Americans were able to land jobs than expected heading into the holidays. But, hey, at least your 401k is up like 0.5%.

The US added 150k jobs, vs. 180k expected. That’s about half of September's 297k.

The unemployment rate also climbed to 3.9%, which is the highest since January 2022. And, average hourly wages, the figure J-Poww was most looking forward to seeing, rose just 0.2% for the month. That was below expectations…

The bottom line…

The jobs report just screams “no need to raise J-Poww… just take it easy bro.”

… this is practice.

Practice for what, you ask? Supporting TWC’s partners.

You see, this week you’re going to start seeing ads in The Water Coolest.

Spoiler: ads are how I keep the newsletter totally free and independent. So, the best thing you can do is show TWC partners some love.

How exactly do you do that?

Clicking. When you see ads in TWC, click on the links. Maybe check out the website. Who knows, maybe you’ll like what you see? That’ll tell our advertisers that you all give a damn and help keep TWC alive and well.

So, let’s practice, shall we?

(Anyone who’s been forced to return to office against their will, will find the link above helpful. You’re welcome.)

+ Here’s what Mark Cuban would do with just a phone and $500 in cash: ‘That is the best question I have ever been asked’ (Read)

+ Target offers Thanksgiving feast for less than $25 as inflation rages (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... Americans’ average credit score at every age—see how you compare (Read)

+ Walmart woke up feeling dangerous on Friday. Shares of the retail giant f*cked around and hit their all-time high. WMT is up nearly 15% year to date, thanks largely to consumers who have never met a 30% APR credit card they didn’t like.

It’s not exactly shocking: the stars have aligned for Wally World. The “transitory” inflation plaguing planet Earth has forced consumers to seek value… and what better place than the home of Every Day Low Prices? Walmart has even reported that higher earners are lowering themselves to shop at the chain as they feel the pinch (sucks to suck, Target).

And it appears that investors are pretty bullish on Walmart’s recently announced plan to upgrade its stores and website. The company will invest more than $9B to make its brick-and-mortars less depressing and its website look less like Silk Road circa 2012. (Read)

+ I, for one, am team “normalize dropping earnings on weekends… preferably in prime time.” Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway reported its quarterly results on Saturday. And its owned and operated businesses went off. Operating earnings rose more than 40% year over year.

Which is good news considering its investment portfolio got put in a body bag. Berkshire lost $24B on its investments, thanks in large part to its massive bet on Apple. It could have been a lot worse, though. In a move that just screams “I yell at kids to get off my lawn,” Warren and Charlie have been loading up on Treasury bills yielding at least 5%. The conglomerate owns $126B worth of the investments that scream I take baby Aspirin.

And in case you were wondering, the company is sitting on fat stacks of cash. Like, so much cash. A record $157B at the end of the last quarter, to be exact. (Read)

+ We’ve seen this movie before…. Netflix is flirting with the idea of streaming a second-rate sport, but remains non-committal. This time, rumor has it that NFLX is considering getting into the boxing game. It’s held talks to carry DAZN (potentially Jake Paul) or PBC fights. To date, the closest Netflix has gotten to live sports is some piss poor attempt at recreating The Match with pro golfers (ok, checks out) and F1 drivers (wut?). In the past, Netflix has kicked the tires on alternative sports like… surfing. (Read)

+ Need proof that Threads is dead? Zuck didn’t even post about his ACL surgery on it. On Friday, Zuckerbot, who is definitely, 100% made up of ligaments and other human tissue, posted a post-surgery pic. According to the post he tore his ACL sparring and had surgery to repair it. Smells a lot like a stall tactic to avoid getting in the octagon with Elon… (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ NXP Semi, Goodyear, and Diamondback Energy report

+ OpenAI holds its inaugural DevDay

Here's today's question...

Respond directly to this email (PS, links make my life easier) and keep an eye out for the gift guide.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.