This week you’re going to start seeing ads in The Water Coolest. Friendly reminder: ads are how I keep the newsletter totally free. So, the best thing you can do is show TWC partners some love by clicking on and interacting with ads. Let’s practice →

Hey there weekday warriors,

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but don’t take your kids to Disney. If you need another reason to avoid the most magical place on earth, I’ll just leave this right here: lines are getting so long at Disney’s theme parks that people are literally sh*tting in line…

And now onto some less disgusting matters…

• ChatGPT Turbo just dropped

• Citi is about to make a massive blood sacrifice

• Bumble’s founder/CEO is stepping down

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 12 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

PS, there’s an email out to the winner of the $250 Amazon gift card. If you don’t respond by 10 AM EST, I’ll pick a new winner…

+ US stocks "closed slightly higher Monday as a resurgence in Treasury yields kept upside momentum in check ahead of remarks from Fed officials and a slew of corporate earnings due this week." (Investing)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield "rose on Monday, after posting multi-week declines last Friday, as investors grew cautious about large auctions of notes and bonds this week that could determine whether there is enough demand for U.S. government debt to push rates lower again." (CNBC)

+ Oil "rose on Monday after top exporters Saudi Arabia and Russia reaffirmed their commitment to extra voluntary oil supply cuts until the end of the year." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin maintains $35k…

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24-hours were: 1) Nvidia +1.66% 2) Visa -0.04% 3) Tesla -0.31%.

Turbo Man

It appears we’re officially at the point in the AI hype cycle where OpenAI tries to get us excited about ChatGPT updates that could have been a press release via over-the-top events pulled straight out of the Apple playbook.

During its first-ever in-person event, OpenAI dropped “ChatGPT 4 Turbo.”

At its DevDay OpenAI announced that ChatGPT now has access to knowledge through April 2023. Have they tried just asking it to read the internet daily? It can also take bigger loads. With Turbo, you can feed ChatGPT up to 300 pages of text. Which should make it easier to infringe on the copyright of entire books.

Oh, and pretty much anyone can make a personalized chatbot now. Think: you can train an AI bot to answer questions on your behalf and release it to the world or keep it in-house… or just replace all those OF chicks you pay to DM with, your horn dog, you.

“OpenAI tax” incoming…

Launch events weren’t the only idea Sam Altman stole from Apple. It’s also rolling out the GPT Store. It’ll allow users to offer their sexbots chatbots to others. Yes, you’ll be able to monetize your creations based on usage.

Use of ChatGPT also just got cheaper for developers to run. That means more “AI-powered [insert product that doesn’t need to be powered by AI]” are coming our way…

Bah gawd, that’s Satya Nadella’s music

What’s a launch event without a special guest? Amirite Apple?

Of course, the OpenAI DevDay surprise guest wasn’t exactly a surprise, considering his company invested $10B in the AI leader. Spoiler: it was Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella.

Satya committed himself and his company’s resources to OpenAI, probably because this represents the biggest opportunity ever to leapfrog the likes of Google (search) and Amazon (cloud).

Let’s run it back…

This week you’re going to start seeing ads in The Water Coolest.

Friendly reminder: ads are how I keep the newsletter totally free and independent.

So, the best thing you can do is show TWC partners some love.

And by that, I mean clicking and interacting with ads.

When you see ads in TWC, click on the links. Maybe check out the website. Who knows, maybe you’ll like what you see? That’ll tell our advertisers that you all give a damn and help keep TWC alive and well.

So, let’s practice mashing links, shall we?

+ 3 things you can learn about taxes from San Francisco 49ers’ Arik Armstead’s paycheck (Read)

+ Single Mother’s Budget Sheet Goes Viral, Shows How Hard It Is To Get By On $20 An Hour (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... Here’s what Mark Cuban would do with just a phone and $500 in cash: ‘That is the best question I have ever been asked’ (Read)

+ Annnd it’s gone. It’s with a heavy heart that I report WeWork has declared bankruptcy. At long last, the company that was, at one point, the most valuable startup in the world, has thrown in the towel (at the behest of the people it owes money to).

So what went wrong? Well, Adam Neumann’s shenanigans certainly didn’t help. Nor did ‘rona boi and the shift to wfh. Keep an eye on WeWork stock when retail traders get wind of this. (Read)

+ “Alright guys, but just don’t name the project anything stupid that would get leaked to the public.” - Citi CEO Jane Fraser after hiring Boston Consulting Group to oversee a massive re-org

Details of “Project Bora Bora” (*cringe*) were just leaked, and if you work at Citi you may want to begin updating your LinkedIn. The most bloated bank on the Street (Citi currently has 240k employees) is expected to lay off as much as 10% of its workforce.

Of course, it’s not exactly surprising. Something needs to change. Citi trails its peers in almost every major category. Most importantly, its stock is down nearly 8% YTD. For comparison, JPM is up 6% on the year. FFS, even Wells Fargo isn’t down as bad so far this year (-1.2%). (Read)

+ Whitney Wolfe Herd just went all ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ to Bumble investors. The Bumble founder said she’s stepping down from her role as CEO on January 2nd. Because you wouldn’t want to miss the holiday party…

Lidiane Jones, currently the CEO of Slack (owned by Salesforce) will take over for Whitney. Wolfe Herd gave the canned “get back to my founder roots” rationale for her departure. But, it might have something to do with the stock having dropped 80% from its 2021 IPO price.

Still, investors did not love getting ghosted by WWH. Shares fell almost 4.5% on the day… (Read)

+ Not all heroes wear capes. The PGA Tour may have forgotten about Saudi Arabia’s “past,” but Tom Werner, the CEO of the Fenway Group, certainly has not. Werner confirmed that the group that owns the Red Sox (duh) and Liverpool FC has had conversations with the PGA Tour. And by that I mean it plans to cuck the Saudi Public Investment Fund and buy the Tour… and more importantly, keep it out of the hands of those sport-washing monsters (*USA chant erupts*). (Read)

+ “And for that reason I’m out.” - Dish Network’s CEO W. Erik Carlson resigning following another brutal quarter. Carlson announced his plans to abandon ship after the company reported a yuge miss on the top and bottom line. Shares fell almost 40% on the news. (Read)

+ Human beings will really turn tricks under a bridge to make sure their dog can eat that food from the refrigerator. Shares of Freshpet mooned after dropping a beat and a raise on us. Shares closed up nearly 17%. (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Uber, UBS, Globalfoundries, Rivian, eBay, Coupang, and RealReal report

+ Federal Reserve members start up their speeches again following the blackout period

Yesterday I asked What’s on your holiday wish list (or something you recently bought that other weekday warriors will love) (spoiler: I’m launching a holiday wishlist and want your input)?

You can still add to it here.

Here’s today’s question…

Whitney Wolfe Herd is stepping down after nearly a decade. She was the founder of Bumble AND Tinder. So, let’s see how many weekday warriors’ lives she impacted, shall we?

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.