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- 💦 Overweight on Hometown Deli
Hey there weekday warriors,
What’s that? You thought you were poor from all that Christmas shopping? Just remember, it could be worse, you could be Rudy Giuliani. “America’s Mayor” just filed for bankruptcy after taking a $148M L in court. Oof.
Here’s what else we’re getting into…
An update on my favorite story of all time (spoiler: Hometown Deli)
Nike needs to do… something
Angola leaves OPEC
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 9 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, I’ll be back with a newsletter on Wednesday, December 27th (no disruption for the PrimePlus+ Saturday newsletter). Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.
+ US stocks “were higher after the close on Thursday, as gains in the Consumer Goods, Healthcare and Basic Materials sectors led shares higher.” (Investing.com)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield “rose Thursday as investors assessed the path of future rate cuts from the Federal Reserve." (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices settled lower on Thursday after Angola said it would exit the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC), raising questions about the producer group's efforts to support prices by limiting global supplies.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “neared the $44,000 level early Thursday and reversed some losses, which were caused by the sudden drop in U.S. stocks on Wednesday.” (Coindesk)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nike +0.91% (AH: -11.70%) 2) Visa +0.95% 3) Marathon +12.13%.
Overweight on Hometown Deli
(Source: Giphy)
Christmas came early, you guys…
Arguably the greatest story to ever grace the pixels of The Water Coolest newsletter was that of the $100M Hometown Deli. And, at long last, we have an update…
But first, a history lesson…
Back in 2021 when Ryan Cohen was still a hero and before DeepF*ckingValue was the main character in a major motion picture, news broke about a publicly traded deli with a market cap of $100M. It had done $35k in sales of gabagool and other assorted cold cuts… in the previous two years.
David Einhorn brought attention to the deli by calling bullsh*t in his annual letter to investors. He famously said, “the pastrami must be amazing.”
You’re not going to believe this, but…
The deli wasn’t actually worth $100M… and the guys who owned it weren’t straight shooters.
Earlier this week, James Patten admitted to manipulating the stock price of the deli and another company called E-Waste. His goal? Create demand for shares in hopes of finding a private company to take public via a reverse merger.
He pled guilty to securities fraud and conspiracy to commit securities fraud. Listen, I’m not a lawyer, but don’t you need to conspire to commit securities fraud before you actually commit it? Seems kinda unfair to be hit with both charges, but I digress…
Don’t expect the scheme to get the Netflix docuseries treatment, though. It’s an American Greed story, at best. The scam was pretty unsexy: a small number of shareholders traded the stock amongst themselves to boost the price.
Speaking of co-conspirators…
Father-son duo Peter Coker Sr. and son Peter Coker Jr. still face charges for their roles in the deli and E-Waste capers.
And listen, I’m not one to point fingers, but if I had to guess, with his sentencing pending, Patten is about to snitch on the homies (if he hasn’t already)…
+ More couples are choosing a ‘dual income, no kids’ lifestyle. Here’s how that changes their finances (Read)
+ Will 2024 be a good time to buy a car? Here’s what to expect, auto experts say (Read)
+ ICYMI yesterday... Mark Cuban shares the No. 1 jargon word he hates the most: ‘You sound stupid ... trying to sound smart’ (Read)
+ Nike is doing its best Under Armour impression…
If you’re a Nike athlete and your contract is up for renewal, you might want to have your agent call Hoka or something. Nike just posted a gnarly quarter (and I mean that in the worst way possible). The top and bottom line miss wasn’t even the worst news that Nike dropped, though…
The shoemaker cut its fiscal year sales guidance from growth in the mid-single digits to just about 1%. But wait, there’s more…
The Oregon-based company plans to slash costs by more than $2B over the next 3 years. Translation? Layoffs. Lots and lots of layoffs. Shares fell more than 11% after hours. Santa might skip over Beaverton this year… (Read)
+ *Me trying to resist the urge to pivot The Water Coolest to an artificial intelligence newsletter*
AI chatbot maker Anthropic is looking to raise $750M from Menlo Ventures at a roughly $18.4B valuation. For those of you keeping score at home (so, Sam Altman), that’s ~4.5x the most recent valuation.
The Lyft to OpenAI’s Uber has a fever, and the only prescription is more VC money. It has been raising non-stop since being founded in 2021 by a bunch of OpenAI defectors. As recently as May, it raised $750M, $500M of which came from Google. (Read)
+ Angola just went all “I don’t want to play with you anymore” to OPEC+. The *looks up ‘Angola’* Central African country has pulled out of the cabal of oil-producing countries.
The nation is reportedly sick and tired of OPEC’s bullsh*t and its constant call for cuts to buoy oil prices, which, for the record, hasn’t worked. OPEC probably won’t lose too much sleep, since Angola produces just ~1M barrels per day, while OPEC nations collectively bring ~28M barrels of fossil fuel to market. But, bigger picture, this could be an early indication of divisions beginning to form within OPEC…
Oil fell about 1% on the news that Angola is about to make it rain oil. (Read)
+ It’s hard to imagine a fate worse than being stuck on a ship with a bunch of other sad middle-class people looking to escape reality for 7 to 10 days. But, alas, demand remains high for cruises. Carnival just beat on the top and bottom lines and expects Q1 earnings to be more than double last year’s. Shares were up 6% on the news. (Read)
Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...
+ The PCE price report (read: inflation) will drop. Friendly reminder: it’s the one the Fed watches closely.
+ The U of M will release its Consumer Sentiment report
Yesterday, I asked What’s the worst business buzzword in the game?
“Synergy” (it was a blowout win)
“Circle back”
“At the end of the day…”
Here’s today’s question…
Today’s the last newsletter before Christmas, so let’s celebrate American consumerism, shall we?
What’s the best Christmas gift you ever got (as a kid or an adult)?
Reply directly to this email. I’ll share the best answers next week.
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter? |
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.