TOGETHER WITH

Hey there weekday warrior,

Never forget that Earth is billions of years old… and we get to live at the same time as Alex Karp, the CEO of Palantir.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 27 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Palantired

“I’m not sure what Palantir actually does, but at this point I’m too afraid to ask.” - retail investors

The AI and big-data company dropped its Q1 earnings after the bell and business (whatever the f*ck that actually is) is booming.

Sales grew 39% year-over-year, easily beating the Street’s top-line estimates. And earnings per share came in at 13 cents, in line with the Street’s expectations.

Oh, and while every other big tech is setting expectations low (or not at all…), Palantir $PLTR ( ▼ 1.55% ) hiked its annual sales guidance. So far, so good.

So shares mooned, right? Right?

Not even a little bit. In fact, the stonk tumbled more than 9% after hours.

Why?

Well, maybe it was Alex Karp being Alex Karp and saying completely unhinged sh*t that makes the CEO sound a lot like a supervillian: “We are delivering the operating system for the modern enterprise in the era of AI.” ChatGPT would like its buzzword salad back.

In his defense, he didn’t just use his own words to describe how f*cking sick his company is. He also quoted President Richard Nixon (yes, that one) and the New Testament.

Ok, so why did shares really drop?

It could have something to do with the stonk being set up for failure. Given the sky-high expectations, there was almost no way for PLTR to live up to the hype. Shares are already up more than 60% so far in 2025.

Oh, and did I mention that no one really knows what the f*ck PLTR does?

Your first drink of the night for a better tomorrow. 

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+ The official shoe brand of people who wear Wrangler jeans and Copper Fit knee braces just secured the bag…

Skechers $SKX ( ▲ 0.05% ) was taken private by 3G Capital as part of a $9B deal. That’s a roughly 30% premium to the stock’s 15-day volume-weighted average.

The shoemaker didn’t come out and say it, but it appears the company’s board wasn’t about to sit around and go down with the ship. Tariffs have been taking a toll on the company that makes nearly all of its shoes in the sweatshop down the street from Nike.

+ Ok, hear me out… Warren Buffett announces his retirement on Saturday, knowing that the selloff on Monday will allow him to buy the f*cking dip…

On Sunday, Berkshire’s $BRK.B ( ▲ 0.1% ) board made Warren Buffett’s request demand official. Greg Abel will take over as Berkshire Hathaway’s CEO on January 1, 2026. You might recall that everyone went all “it’s about damn time” when the Oracle of Omaha announced his plans to step down on as CEO during Berkshire’s annual shareholder meeting. Shares fell on the first trading day post-meeting…

+ Ford $F ( ▲ 1.46% ) is the latest company to pull out. F decided to scrap its guidance like a hybrid during the Trump administration. The carmaker that gave us the 40-hour work week beat on the top and bottom lines, but decided the future was just too unclear to offer a guesstimate for 2025. One thing we do know is that the OG motor company expects a $2.5B tariff bill this year…

+ Sure, you may have made some bad decisions at the beginning of your career, but none will ever compare to Sam Altman’s (read: being like, “ya sure, let’s make OpenAI a non-profit, I’m sure nothing will come of it anyway.”)

Looks like the first trillionaire might be the head of a non-profit. OpenAI management told employees it’ll stop fighting to transform the AI startup into a for-profit company after public outcry (and by that, I mean Elon).

+ Wake up, babe, new tariff just dropped. On Sunday night, POTUS Truthed that he was considering a 100% tariff on foreign-made films. I see that someone wasn’t a fan of ‘Emilia Perez.’ Per usual there are more questions than answers like “Who the f*ck would actually pay these tariffs?”

Still, shares of most of the major film studios got crushed in early trading before making up some ground. And it makes sense. Many movies are either filmed or edited abroad. One Wedbush analyst believes more than 75% of Netflix films have international exposure.

+ US stocks “retreated from a historic run of gains on Monday as President Trump's new tariff threat revived trade war worries in the wait for a Federal Reserve policy decision.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “largely moved higher on Monday as investor attention turned to the Federal Reserve meeting and interest rate decision slated for later in the week.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “fell by more than $1 a barrel on Monday to settle at over four-year lows as an OPEC+ decision to expedite its output hikes stoked fears about rising global supply at a time when the demand outlook is uncertain.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ ON Semiconductor, Recursion Pharmaceuticals, BioNTech, Tyson Foods, and Cummins reported before the bell

+ Palantir, Hims & Hers, Realty Income, Ford, Vertex, Vimeo, Diamondback Energy, and Navitas reported after the bell

+ The four-day Milken Institute Global Conference got underway

+ IBM kicked off its four-day IBM Think event

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Celsius, Datadog, Ferrari, DoorDash, Lemonade, Constellation Energy, ZOETIS, Marriott, DigitalOcean, Archer Daniels Midland, MPC, Duke, Leidos, EVgo, and SolarEdge drop earnings before the bell

+ Advanced Micro Devices, Super Micro Computer, Arista, Rivian, Tempus AI, Upstart, Lucid Group, Astera Labs, Electronic Arts, Powell, Coupang, Wynn Resorts, Energy Transfer, Devon Energy, Redfin, Eos Energy, and Revolve Group drop earnings after hours

+ The Lions Gate Entertainment spinoff is expected to be completed

+ The three-day Stripe Session event will begin in San Francisco. Notable speakers include Stripe CEO Patrick Collison, Jony Ive, and Meta Platforms CEO Mark Zuckerberg

+ Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent is scheduled to testify to the House Appropriations Committee

Yesterday, I asked, “In honor of Cinco de Mayo, which is the holiday that is best in college and is pretty lame as an adult?”

31.7% of you answered “Halloween.”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

• Halloween: “women my age can't get away with wearing the same ‘costumes’ as they could in college”

• Cinco de Mayo: “End of semester peak drink specials, perfect end cap to the year. As an adult, a non-existent holiday. If anything, mid-week parades are crippling to navigate.”

• St. Patty’s Day: “Gotta go St. Patties. I mean, it usually fell during spring break so you were already in party mode. Now its just sad.”

• Snow Day: “Nothing quite like being forced to take a last minute and unplanned day of PTO because schools are closed.”

• Other (write-in): “Spring Break - as an adult I still drink almost everyday during spring break but that's b/c my kids are home driving me insane!”

Here’s today’s question…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.