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- đź’¦ PayPal "shocks" the world
Hey there weekday warriors,
Before we get started, let’s have a moment of silence for all the real-life Patrick Bateman’s out there getting “disrespectful” bonuses.
Here’s what else we’re getting into today…
PayPal “shocks”
So does US GDP
Tesla offers discounts
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 11 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
+ “The S&P 500 closed at record levels for the fifth-straight session Thursday as investors mulled mostly upbeat corporate earnings, while stronger-than-expected economic growth and slowing inflation bolstered expectations for a soft landing, pushing Treasury yields lower.” (Reuters)
+ The 10-year Treasury yield “fell on Thursday after a report showed faster than expected economic growth in the fourth quarter failed to push inflation higher." (CNBC)
+ Oil prices “gained about 3% on Thursday to settle at their highest since December after U.S. economic data showed faster-than-expected growth in the last quarter and as tensions in the Red Sea kept disrupting global trade.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “has fallen 20% since the launch of spot Bitcoin ETFs in the United States.” (Cointelegraph)
+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Tesla -12.13% 2) Nvidia +0.42% 3) AMD +1.14%.
My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined
(Source: Giphy)
The PayPal Mafia just died a little bit inside…
The pioneering payments platform that ushered in an era of online commerce for the masses has become a sad excuse of its former self.
Last week, PayPal’s new CEO promised to “shock the world”…
Narrator: “The world was not shocked.”
In an announcement that was more disappointing than LeBron’s The Decision, Alex Chriss (you should all know better than to trust a man with two first names) shared a whole bunch of nothingburgers.
Like AI-powered smart receipts, which have a look at what you bought and suggest other stuff you might want to buy. So, the disruptive feature he was talking about was “You might also be interested in…”
Ok, what else?
There were plenty of other missionary ideas PayPal stole from its competitors Like one click check out, facial recognition login, and customized cash back offers. 2018 called and wants its innovations back…
There were some mildly interesting updates on the Venmo for business front… that have been part of the PayPal ecosystem for years.
Investors acted accordingly. Shares fell 3.5% following the “news.”
+ Can the IRS’s New Free Tax-Filing Tool Replace TurboTax? We Tried It Out (Read)
+ Apple is opening up its powerful App Store for the first time ever. It's not happy about it. (Read)
+ ICYMI... The late Charlie Munger's final stock-portfolio update is out - and it shows his iconic approach to investing (Read)
We also excel at Gross Domestic Product. In Q4, GDP grew at a 3.3% annualized rate. To put things in perspective, economists were expecting just 2% growth. Morons.
“Sure, but I bet inflation was horrendous during that time period.” - you (a hater)
During the fourth quarter core PCE (read: J-Poww’s preferred inflation reading) rose just 2%. I’ll save you the “Fed mandates” Google search and remind you that one of the Central Bank’s goals is to maintain 2% inflation.
Despite the stellar report card, markets hardly moved on the news. You see, past performance does not guarantee future results. (Read)
+ Cathie Wood and beaten-down Tesla shares. Name a more iconic duo.
Tesla shares were priced to move yesterday. And Cathie Wood wasn’t about to pass up an everything-must-go-sale. Tesla shares had their biggest sell-off in a year, falling 12% on Wednesday. So, of course, Ark Invest added 177,870 shares to its stable of ETFs.
Tesla got rekt following a brutal earnings report that said EV volume would be notably lower in 2024. To be fair, Elon promises TSLA is simply gearing up for the next generation of electric cars. (Read)
+ Microsoft just went all Leroy Jenkins on its gaming division.
The company laid off ~9% of the group (1.9k employees) just a few months after it closed the $69B deal for Activision Blizzard…
Speaking of which… the Activision Blizzard group was gutted. AB’s president and co-founder are getting the f*ck out of Dodge. And MSFT killed the development of a new Activision Blizzard survival game. Can’t make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs, amirite? (Read)
+ "We, uh, fixed the glitch.” - Tim Apple
In the least surprising news of the day, Apple “opened up” its App Store in Europe to comply with new regulations… while simultaneously introducing new fees and guidelines to make sure the EU’s rules don’t impact the bottom line.
As part of the new rules, Apple will allow developers to avoid its “tax” (up to 30%) on in-app transactions by taking payments outside of the Apple ecosystem. Of course, to ensure that it can continue to print money (and create shareholder value), Apple has decided to add a handful of fees and commissions. (Read)
Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...
+ American Express, Colgate-Palmolive, and Norfolk Southern report
+ Core PCE price index data drops
Yesterday, I asked Do you still watch The Daily Show?
95.6% of you said “no.” And you guys were not kind to whoever the hell it is that hosts it.
Here’s today’s question…
What's your go-to payments app? |
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter? |
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional