Hey there weekday warrior,

Jeff Bezos is beefing with Elon on another front…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 28 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Pimp my ride

Xzibit: “Yo dawg…”

Good news for poor people who give a damn about the environment. Slate Auto just came out of stealth. It unveiled a compact electric truck with an MSRP of just $25k. It’ll run closer to $20k with the $7.5k EV credit.

For context, that’s ~$5K cheaper than the current lowest-priced EV in the US… which isn’t even a truck.

Did I mention they’ll be manufactured in the US (right down the street from the iPhone factory)?

You get what you pay for…

Want fewer frills than those ISIS pickup trucks outfitted with anti-aircraft artillery? Good news.

The “Blank Slate” pickup is a two-seater that comes in just one color: gray. Oh, and there’s no infotainment screen (just grab the aux cord), and the windows are analog. Think: yourself isn’t the only thing you’ll be cranking if you buy one of these.

Turns out paint booths are expensive af. Slate was able to save nearly $500M in factory costs by cutting out customization.

There’s exactly one upgrade available: a bigger battery. The smaller battery will get you 150 miles, and the larger option will get you 240 miles.

Slate is looking to be the Crocs of EVs…

You can make it your own with 100+ add-on accessories. Like speakers and color wraps. You can even convert it into a 5-seater SUV with an upgrade kit… a decision that just screams “three children violently ejected from Slate SUV add-on.”

In case you missed literally every headline written about Slate, the company is backed by Jeff Bezos (… much to the chagrin of Rivian).

You can reserve one for just $50. Don’t worry, it’s refundable, presumably because they figure if you’re buying this thing, times are tough. Deliveries will start in 2026.

+ Huawei getting its DeepSeek on…

China’s Huawei Technologies (remember them?) is gearing up to test its shiny new AI chip, the Ascend 910D. It will rival (and presumably copy-pasted) Nvidia’s $NVDA ( ▲ 0.27% ) H100 in the People’s Republic.

Friendly reminder, the US created a bit of a chip vacuum after it banned Jensen from selling the H100 to China back in 2022. So if you can’t buy ‘em, make ‘em.

+ Speaking of cheap Chinese knockoffs…

Shein and Temu $PDD ( ▲ 1.03% ) jacked up prices Friday to create some breathing room for the 120% tariffs and the death of the de minimis exemption scheduled to hit on May 2. And you thought brick and mortar was done for…

+ Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 0.17% ) and Nvidia $NVDA ( ▲ 0.27% )  met up with The Illuminati oil and gas execs to push fossil fuels for powering AI data centers… ‘cause f*ck ‘em (the green-heart libs, that is) that’s why.

The entire AI industry is pushing for “more power” harder than Tim the Tool Man Taylor. Anthropic estimates that we’ll need 50 gigawatts (think: 50 new nuclear reactors) of new power by 2027. Probably just a coincidence that Enron is back…

+ Kombucha on tap, unlimited PTO, and foosball tables in the break room at the US iPhone factory ain’t gonna be cheap…

+ Mario’s slightly more homicidal bro, Luigi Mangione, pleaded not guilty on Friday in New York federal court. Friendly reminder: the People’s Choice Award for Sexiest Eyebrows still faces the death penalty if convicted of the murder of UnitedHealth CEO Brian Thompson.

+ DoorDash $DASH ( ▲ 1.78% ) made an offer Deliveroo $ROO.L ( 0.0% ) could still refuse. Double-D wants to buy out the UK-based delivery service for $3.6B straight cash homie to expand its dominance into Europe.

+ “Dad, what was it like when TSLA dominated the EV market?”

Oh, did you think we were done with Chinese knock off news? Chinese EV-maker BYD $BYDDF ( ▼ 2.62% )  surpassed Tesla’s $TSLA ( ▲ 2.15% ) (struggling) sales with a reported quarterly revenue of $23.5B and doubled its profits to $1.3B for Q1. BYD plans to export 800k vehicles internationally this year.

+ US stocks “rose on Friday, led by Big Tech, as President Trump's latest comments on tariffs kept trade tensions in focus.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “slipped on Friday as investors weighed the latest developments on the global trade front, including new comments from U.S. President Donald Trump.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “edged higher on Friday but posted a weekly decline, under pressure from market expectations of oversupply and uncertainty around tariff talks between the U.S. and China.” (Reuters)

⏪ On Friday…

+ ABBVIE, Colgate-Palmolive, Schlumberger, HCA Healthcare, PHILLIPS 66, and Charter reported before the bell

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Domino's Pizza reports before the bell

+ Waste Management, Cadence Design Systems, NXP Semiconductors N.V., Nucor, and Brown & Brown report after the bell

+ Canada will hold a snap federal election to determine all 343 seats in the House of Commons

Yesterday, I asked, “Guys, how long do you keep a wallet?”

59.7% of you said 10+ years.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

• 10+ years: “I buy Bosca leather wallets. They reallly last! I’ve had three in the last 45+ years!”

• ~1 year: “Ditched a hard wallet years ago. Phone case with a slot of my debit card and license is the move now”

• 5 years: “Every bro responding has had one for 6-10+ years at some point…”

• 7 years: “If it ain't broke, don't fix it!”

Before we get to today’s question…

Have you shared The Water Coolest yet today?

I’ll give you a $10 Chick-fil-A gift card just for referring your friends.

Here’s today’s question…

Shedeur Sanders and Bill Belichick both had a brutal weekend.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.