TOGETHER WITH

Hey there weekday warrior,

Today, we’re getting into tariffs getting uncancelled, a 1MDB update, and a Zuck and Palmer Luckey kiss and make up. But first...

In the May 30, 2019 edition of The Water Coolest, we covered Abercrombie’s stock plummeting nearly 25%. The preferred clothing brand of upper-middle-class WASPs circa 2004 announced it was closing its 3 flagship stores and redesigning nearly 100 brick-and-mortar outlets.

And it appears to have done the trick. That was the beginning of arguably one of the greatest retail turnarounds of all time. Shares are up more than 200% since May of 2019, and at one point were up as much as 600%.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 39 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

POTUS would like to speak to the manager

“You better lawyer up, a**holes.” - the White House to a bunch of state attorneys general and US businesses

Remember that time (read: Wednesday night) the US Court of International Trade slapped down Donny Duties’ Liberation Day tariffs? The three-court panel claimed POTUS didn’t have the authority to enact the import taxes.

You see, the White House invoked the International Emergency Economic Powers Act, which dates back to the 70s. The judges ruled that the act doesn’t “confer such unbounded authority.” I’m not a lawyer, but I’m fairly certain that means the Act doesn’t actually give the President the authority to impose tariffs.

The decision meant Trump doesn’t have the right to implement or collect the taxes.

The White House went scorched Earth, obviously.

Respect my authoritah

On Wednesday, the Trump administration said it would appeal the decision. By Thursday morning, it had gone all “let me speak to your manager” to the US Court of International Trade… and the US Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit.

It told the Appellate Court it would seek emergency relief from the Supreme Court on Friday if it failed to act. This is the government equivalent of CC’ing someone’s manager.

The higher court (but not the highest in the land) hit the lower court’s decision with a Zack Morris timeout (read: the decision is on ice and the tariffs are back… for now). The group of butthurt businesses and attorneys general that brought the case have a week to clap back. And the White House needs to respond by June 9th.

… not that the White House is all that worried. They’ve apparently consulted their legal team (and ChatGPT) and have other options to push through their tariff agenda. Peter Navarro said this: “Even if we lose, we will do it another way.” *’All I do is Win' begins playing*

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+ “A bit stalled.” - me, explaining to my wife why 18 holes is taking 9 hours

Last night, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent said that US-China trade talks were “a bit stalled.” But he knows that modern problems require modern solutions, which is why he’s trying to get President Trump and President Xi on a quick call to hash this thing out.

He said he expects talks to continue “in the next few weeks” and the leaders to chat “at some point.” To be fair, there might not be anything to talk about if Donny’s duties get struck down…

+ Imagine being a snitch and still getting 2 years in Club Fed. Former Goldmanite (and 2x bigamist… yes, this dude really lied two times about being married when he got remarried) Tim Leissner was sentenced to 2 years in prison for taking Malaysia to the cleaners.

Friendly reminder: two Goldman bankers and the guy who financed ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ (you cannot make this sh*t up) stole billions from the Malaysian sovereign-wealth fund. Specifically, an economic development company called 1Malaysia Development Bhd or “1MDB.”

Timmy Talks flipped on his partners in crime almost immediately… and the dude still has to worry about dropping the soap. In case you were wondering, in the year of our lord 2025, snitches still do get stitches. His lawyer shared that Tim becoming a rat has made him the target of threats, and he’s had his tires slashed not once, but twice.

+ Places I wish I could have been a fly on the wall: 1) Dealey Plaza (specifically the grassy knoll), Dallas, TX, November 22, 1963 2) The Oval Office, yesterday. POTUS and J-Poww met for about 30 minutes on Thursday, behind closed doors. Luckily, both parties gave us a play-by-play. Trump reportedly said (again) it’d be a lot cooler if the Fed did (lower rates). And Jerome said no.

+ Define ‘nightmare blunt rotation.’ In case you needed proof that money fixes everything, Palmer Luckey and Zuck are teaming up to make America’s enemies curse the day their parents had unprotected s*x.

Anduril and Meta $META ( ▲ 1.91% ) will collab on the US Army’s EagleEye project. Think: wearable tech but for trained killers. The line will include combat-ready AR and VR helmets and glasses. Ok, maybe Zuck is growing on me.

It’s a full circle moment for Luckey, who sold his company (Oculus) to Meta back in 2014… but was fired by Zuck in 2017. Luckey (who looks like he’s a frequent flier at Margaritaville) said, “I finally got all my toys back.”

+ You gotta give GAP $GAP ( ▲ 1.72% ) Richard Dickson (his middle name is definitely ‘Johnson’, right?) props for trying to pull a fast one. When the company reported earnings (a beat on the top and bottom lines, for the record) it indicated that tariffs would have cost it between $250M and $300M… if Dick hadn’t been able to mitigate the impact and bring the final tab closer to $100M. Investors didn’t fall for the whole “look how much worse it could have been” schtick. Shares spiraled nearly 15%.

+ Make debt your b*tch. There's a much easier way to pay down crippling debt faster, you guys. Spoiler: it's using a no-interest credit card. Some of the top credit card experts identified one of their favorites that puts interest on ice until nearly 2027 AND offers up to 5% cash back on qualifying purchases. Start paying down debt faster with this top pick. [FYI, this is a partner post]

+ US stocks “ended higher on Thursday as shares of Nvidia gained after its quarterly results, while investors digested a late-afternoon court ruling that reinstated the most sweeping of President Donald Trump's tariffs.” (Reuters)

+ The 10-year yield “slipped on Thursday as investors parsed the latest legal developments on President Donald Trump's reciprocal tariffs and the freshest economic data.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “fell over 1% on Thursday, retreating from earlier gains, as investors weighed the potential effects of a U.S. court ruling that blocked the most sweeping of President Donald Trump’s tariffs.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Best Buy, Royal Bank of Canada, Burlington Stores, Foot Locker, Li Auto, and Kohl’s reported before the bell

+ Costco, Dell, Marvell, Zscaler, Ulta Beauty, UiPath, Elastic N.V., NetApp, and Ambarella reported after hours

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ EA Sports F1 25 will be released by Electronic Arts… if you’re into that kinda thing

+ The core PCE price index report for April will be released

Yesterday, I asked, “You get to choose your own private office OR you own private bathroom in the office. Which are you taking?”

68.7% of you said “Office.”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

• Office: “Mainly for optics -- if I choose the bathroom option everybody will know why.”

• Bathroom: “Would love to just leave my Dude Wipes in my private bathroom without having to worry about it”

• Office: “The peeps that say bathroom are the ones that take 2 hours to take a deucey”

• Bathroom: “Bathroom, that way I get a private office too. I can work on the john, but cant sh*t at my desk.”

• Office: “You spend 8 hours in an office and about 8 minutes in the bathroom. No brainer decision.”

• Bathroom: “Private office? No such thing. People just become more annoying and knock on your door and ask "is this a good time?" and you seemingly just have to say yes over and over again.”

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Ok, now back to your regularly scheduled Exit Interview…

One of the most underrated scenes in Wolf of Wall Street…

When does this launch? Asking for a friend…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.