Hey there weekday warriors,

(TLDR: Please complete this survey. It’ll help shape the future of TWC.)

Last day to complete the TWC survey. Appreciate everyone who’s already taken a few minutes to do it.

And since I know your time is valuable, I’m giving a $250 Amazon gift card to one random person who completes the short survey this week.

In addition to treating yo self, you can sleep easy knowing your input will give me valuable insight into everything from the types of content you want to see, to how I should monetize TWC 2.0.

Thanks in advance, all.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks "closed sharply higher Thursday, buoyed by a slump in Treasury yields ahead of the monthly jobs report due Friday following bets that the Federal Reserve is done raising interest rates." (Investing.com)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield "dropped after the Federal Reserve kept rates unchanged again." (CNBC)

+ Oil "settled higher Thursday, rebounding from a one-month low spurred by lower dollar after traders priced in a diminished chance of more interest rate hikes from the Federal Reserve following a pause on hikes a day earlier." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin hit $35k for the first time since early 2022.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24-hours were: 1) Apple +2.07% 2) Nvidia +2.79% 3) Palantir +20.44%.

Prison Sam

I hope SBF got deep into the prison blogs…

A jury took just a few hours yesterday to find SBF guilty on all 7 counts of f*ckery. That includes wire fraud, securities fraud, and money laundering.

Sammy Slimeball faces more than 115 years in prison. On the bright side, given his history of polyamory (read: gang bangs), he should acclimate quickly to showering in prison.

Of course, it isn’t exactly surprising…

SBF’s case was about as open and shut as they come. He stood accused of using $10B in customer cash as his own personal slush fund.

It probably didn’t help that pretty much everyone he used to swap fluids with flipped on him. His ex-girlfriend, and the former CEO of Alameda Research, Caroline Ellison (he’s also guilty of sh*tting where he eats) as well as his childhood “friend” Gary Wang were the prosecution’s star witnesses (read: snitches).

Then, of course, there was his decision to take a stand. And his “defense,” which sounded a lot like some dude whose wife just caught him going to a strip club with the boys: “deny, deny, deny.” He blamed pretty much everyone else for the collapse of FTX.

What the case ultimately came down to was whether Sam knew what he was doing was wrong, or if he was just an absolute moron. The jury decided that using customer money to pay celebrity endorsers, settle Margaritaville tabs, and pony up for a brothel in the Bahamas was indeed not kosher.

So what’s next?

Well, for starters, SBF’s lawyers will probably appeal the decision. Then, when that blows up spectacularly, SBF will be sentenced to a lot of jail time.

+ Americans’ average credit score at every age—see how you compare (Read)

+ Deal-hungry shoppers will squeeze holiday sales growth to pre-pandemic levels, retail group says (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... IRS announces 2024 retirement account contribution limits (Read)

+ At this point, the only way Tim Apple could disrespect Steve Jobs anymore is by pissing on his grave…

For the fourth quarter in a row (or as some people like to call it “an entire year”) overall sales at Apple have fallen. The company still managed to beat on the top and bottom lines and is sitting on like $162B in cash. Or, as investors like to call it, “162 billion ways to provide shareholder value via buybacks.”

And now it’s starting to make more sense why Apple held that “Scary Fast” Macbook unveil event on Monday. The iPhone was the only Apple hardware biz that didn’t shrink year over year. Mac sales fell 34% vs. the same period in 2022 and missed expectations. Woof.

Ok, but Apple will be back on its growth bullsh*t following the holiday quarter, right?

Are you sitting down, Apple fan bois?

Even though Apple doesn’t provide official guidance (because you can’t miss goals you don’t set…), it said it expects sales to be roughly in line with last year’s holiday szn. Spoiler: that’s not only below the Street’s expectations, but it all but guarantees that Apple won’t be able to get it up for a fifth quarter in a row (don’t worry, we’ve all been there…). Shares were down more than 3% after hours. (Read)

+ Don’t be surprised if that Chili’s To Go in Roku City gets replaced with a Whole Foods. On Wednesday, after the bell, Roku reported mixed earnings (a beat on the top line and a miss on the bottom), but still managed to put the entire industry on its back.

And all it took was 12 words, 56 letters: “We had a solid rebound in video ads in the third quarter.” Just like that, all fear of a total collapse of the ad market melted away. Shares of Roku mooned more than 30% on the day and brought all of its media homies with it to the promised land. Paramount and Warner Bros. were both up more than 10%. Disney climbed 3% and Netflix and Comcast were up 1%. (Read)

+ I’m not entirely sure what Palantir does, and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask (mostly because I assume if I do Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith will show up at my front door). But what I do know is that they’re really good at making money. The “tech” company didn’t just beat expectations it hiked guidance for the year. And that got the people going. Shares of PLTR rose more than 20% on the day… (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Bloomin Brand, CBOE, Dominion, Monster Beverage, and Restaurant Brands report

+ The October jobs report drops

Here's today's question...

What’s on your holiday wish list (or something you recently bought that other weekday warriors will love)?

Respond directly to this email (PS, links make my life easier) and keep an eye out for the gift guide.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.