Hey there weekday warriors,

You might be petty, but you’ll never be as petty as this grandma who’s suing PediaSure because its “Grow & Gain Shake” didn’t make her 8-year-old grandson into LeBron James.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• Joe Rogan secures the bag

• Huge jobs report surprise

• Apple’s Vision Pro drops

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 6 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ “The S&P 500 notched a fresh record high on Friday as quarterly results from technology companies including Facebook-parent Meta topped expectations and the January jobs report came in much better than expected.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “topped 4% on Friday after a surprisingly strong jobs report that showed continued strength in the economy, but raised questions on when the Federal Reserve can cut interest rates." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “fell by about 2% on Friday and posted weekly losses after U.S. jobs data shrank the odds of imminent interest rate cuts in the world's largest economy, which could dampen crude demand.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin hovered around $43k for most of the weekend.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +4.97% 2) C3.ai +0.28% 3) Palantir +4.23%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Chevron would not be denied. The fossil fuel giant overcame plummeting oil prices and a brutal bottom-line beat to close up 2.9% on Friday.

– Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for Charter Communications, the cable and internet provider reported a drop in internet customers. Imagine how bad you have to be for people to actually want to go through the process of canceling the internet. Shares plummeted 16.5% on the day. RIP.

+ Shares of Snap rose 7.4% on Friday. The catalyst? Meta reported a massive quarter on Thursday. Define “riding coattails.” 

Pull that up, Jamie

Joe Rogan just secured the bag from Spotify… again.

He reportedly signed a multiyear deal worth $250M… which is probably why Spotify pays musicians like $0.003 per stream.

It makes sense given what an absolute savage Joe is. His pods average 11M listens, which buries even the most-watched mainstream media programming.

But this time it’s different…

Last time around, Spotify had exclusive rights to the Joe Rogan Experience. The latest deal will allow the JRE to be streamed anywhere you listen to or watch podcasts. Think: Apple and YouTube.

The catch? Spotify gets to sell ads across all platforms. AG1 is gonna need to raise money to fill all that new ad inventory…

And as an added bonus for Spotify… other platforms will take some heat too when Joe pisses off half of the country with a hot take.

You might recall that a handful of artists pulled their music from Spotify last year because they disagreed with Joe’s takes. That, or they prefer charcoal to the Traeger grill…

Pivot

Spotify is embracing the whole open relationship thing in 2024. Probably because its “exclusive” approach to podcasts was bleeding money.

Changes are coming to the Call Her Daddy pod too. The audio of Alex Cooper’s podcast will be available across all platforms, but Spotify will be the only place to get the video.

SPOT took a similar semi-exclusive approach to the Trevor Noah pod. All 14 listeners are probably stoked

Shares of Spotify were up 1.5% on the day.

+ ‘Sorry I am dead’: Why a ‘death note’ is as important as having a will, advisor says (Read)

+ 31-year-old self-made millionaire: 2 costs I find worth the money, even if I’m usually frugal (Read)

~ ICYMI... Why don't many executives take pay cuts to avoid layoffs? An ex-Microsoft HR VP explains. (Read)

+ You had one job, economists…

Despite their advanced degrees and status as virgins, economists weren’t remotely close to predicting how many jobs the US would add in January. America added 335k new jobs vs. 185k expected. Plus, the unemployment rate remained at 3.7% vs. 3.8%.

Translation? The smartest guys in the room really thought the job market was going to slow down.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only bad news if you’re jonesin’ for a rate cut. Hourly earnings rose much more than expected (0.6% vs. 0.3% month over month and 4.5% vs. 4.1% in the same period last year).

Markets gave little if any f*cks, though. Probably because they were distracted by yuge tech earnings. (Read)

+ “Shut up and take my money.” - people with too much money and not enough self-respect. Apple’s Vision Pro AR/VR headset launched on Friday… and it’s gotten surprisingly rave reviews, despite the $3,500 price tag. And barely any useful apps. Analysts don’t think the Vision Pro will materially impact Apple’s top line… which is a damn shame considering Tim Apple hinted at slowing iPhone sales when AAPL reported earnings earlier in the week. (Read)

+ J-Poww gave a wide-ranging interview on 60 Minutes Sunday. And it’s only a matter of time until Jerome goes on Rogan to talk about doing ayahuasca with Janet Yellen in Jackson Hole. Jerome could not have made it more clear that we shouldn’t expect rate cuts in March: “We just want some more confidence before we take that very important step of beginning to cut interest rates.” (Read)

+ Meta just added the business personnel equivalent of Frank Reynolds saying "Oh whoops, ooh! I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong!" to its 10-K.

For some reason (likely Zuck begging them to) Meta added this to its most recent securities filing: "Mr. Zuckerberg and certain other members of management participate in various high-risk activities, such as combat sports... which carry the risk of serious injury and death. If Mr. Zuckerberg were to become unavailable for any reason, there could be a material adverse impact on our operations." (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ McDonald's, Caterpillar, Vertex Pharma, Tyson Foods, NXP Semiconductors, and Estee Lauder report

+ The military-industrial complex gets together to talk shop at The World Defense Show in Saudi Arabia

+ Federal Reserve members head back out on the speaking circuit

My prediction of tomorrow’s headlines, today…

~ Crystal ballin’… More Bombs over Baghdad (read: the Middle East)

On Friday, I asked You’re starting a portfolio. What’s your #1 pick (Amazon, Meta, Apple)?

73.4% of you chose Amazon. Followed by Apple and Meta.

Here’s today’s question…

What’s the best podcast in the game?

Reply directly to this email and I’ll share the results tomorrow.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional