Hey there weekday warriors,

The FTC is still on their bullsh*t, blocking another major merger.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 22 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “bounced back on Thursday, posting their first positive day in a week that has been beset by higher rates.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “eased Thursday from the near three-month highs reached in the previous session, as traders continue to digest the trajectory of interest rate cuts.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “eased about 1% in volatile trade on Thursday on reports the U.S. and Israel will try to restart talks on a possible ceasefire in Gaza.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “steadied on Thursday after pulling back from recent highs as anticipation of a tight presidential election and relatively higher U.S. interest rates kept traders averse towards crypto.” (Investing)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Tesla +21.9% 2) Nvidia +0.6% 3) AST SpaceMobile -4.5%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ There seems to be no slowdown in demand for the preferred shoes of people who make running marathons their entire personality. Deckers, the maker of HOKA, Ugg, and Teva beat on the top and bottom line, sending shares up 13.6% after hours.

– Gold miner Newmont just fumbled the bag horrendously. Despite gold hovering right around its all-time high, Newmont managed to miss profit consensus thanks to higher-than-expected expenses. Shares tumbled 14.7% in the extended session.

Purse snatched

“Y-y-you f*ckin' little wh*res, fu-f*ckin' up my decors. Couldn't get Michael Kors if you was f*ckin' Michael Kors.” - Nicki Minaj and Judge Jennifer Rochon to Tapestry

Once again, the US government is playing spoiler. Yesterday, a judge blocked Tapestry’s (+14.0% after hours) $8.5B acquisition of Capri (-45.0% after hours)… because apparently, we’ve learned nothing from running Spirit into the ground…

For all my Kohl’s Cash millionaires out there, Tapestry makes luxury brands Coach and Kate Spade. And Capri is best known for Versace, Jimmy Choo, and Michael Kors.

The brands fall into the “affordable luxury” category. Think: the kinda stuff actual wealthy people look down on us for.

The judge agreed with the FTC that the merger could cause “anticompetitive harm” in the affordable luxury handbag market. The fun police believe the combined company would jack up prices and slack on quality. They’re probably not wrong…

Capri and Tapestry called bullsh*t (obviously). They plan to appeal (obviously).

Meanwhile, at LVMH…

+ Bah gawd, that’s TKO’s music…

The parent company of the WWE and UFC (TKO -8.7%) is expanding its portfolio. It’s “buying” Professional Bull Riders, On Location, and IMG from Endeavor (-1.4%) for $3.25B in an all-stock move. Yes, the same Endeavor that spun off the UFC and still owns a majority stake in TKO.

Card-carrying members of the Kid Rock fan club will be happy to hear that 3 of their 4 favorite sports leagues will be under one roof (spoiler: the lingerie football league is in the top 4, and it isn’t #1, 2, or 3).

Meanwhile, with the addition of IMG, a sports marketing consultancy, and On Location, a luxury hospitality brand, TKO will diversify from league ownership.

The divestment by Endeavor is in preparation for a move to go private, with a little help from their friends over at Silver Lake.

+ Bad news, haters (including me yesterday) Elon woke up.

Tesla (+21.9%) shares just had their best day in a decade. I repeat, Tesla shares just had their best day in a decade. Keep in mind that decade includes 2020 and 2021 when TSLA went absolutely parabolic.

To put it all in perspective, I’ll just leave this headline right here: Tesla adds more to its market cap in a day than the combined valuations of GM and Ford

So what happened? Well, the EV maker reported mixed earnings after the bell on Wednesday. And even its bottom line beat was inflated by $739M in regulatory credits.

Turns out investors bought into Elon’s vision for legendary growth in the year of our lord 2025. While the Street was expecting just 15% EV delivery growth, Elon said his best guess was between 20% and 30%.

+ BK and Taco Bell aren’t taking any chances. The fast food chains pulled onions from certain locations following the McDonald’s E. Coli outbreak.

+ Once again, Boeing’s (-1.1%) striking machinists went all “f*ck you, pay me.” The union workers turned down a 35% raise, a $7k ratification bonus, and some upgraded retirement benefits. The strike has already shut down Boeing production for 5 weeks and is costing the company an estimated $1B per month.

+ ‘You have to do the lowest job’: How cleaning toilets prepared Dodgers’ $700 million star Shohei Ohtani for World Series moment. He learned everything he knows about hammering the over.

+ Here’s why mortgage rates are rising after the Fed’s rate cut. Because God hates us.

+ Halloween could taste different this year thanks to soaring cocoa prices. Is nothing sacred?

🔥 IRS announces new federal income tax brackets for 2025. Prepare to feel poor…

🔥 Mark Cuban: If I was 16 again, I’d start this lucrative side hustle. “Being your homies’ plug.”

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday S&P, Union Pacific, Honeywell, KKR, UPS, Nasdaq, Barclays, Southwest, Hasbro, and American Airlines reported before the bell. And Capital One, L3Harris, Deckers, and Texas Road House dropped earnings after hours.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Colgate, Aon, and New York Community Bank (remember them?) report before the bell

Yesterday, I asked, “What was your first job ever?”

Most of you wrote in, but here are the top 3 from the options provided…

1. Construction/landscaping

2. Babysitter

3. Caddy

Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• Caddy: "Caddy at a country club. Pay was great, assuming you have thick skin to deal with the rich f*cks for 5 hours, and it was all under the table.”

• Other: "Cutco sales”

• Other: "Baseball Umpire. Basically the worst parts of being a caddy (yelled at by adults) and a babysitter (yelled at by kids). I still haven't recovered."

• Other: “Gas station attendant. Great place to learn side hustles (think - pocketing tire repair, alternator testing, battery charging receipts and reselling used tires). Also, the amount and level of pranks utilizing axle grease are endless!”

• Other: "East Coast bias is not having Farm Laborer on the list."

• Other: "I mean I'm not that old but surprised the classic "paper route" isn't listed here for all my Gen X'ers (early Millennials). That was my first job, normally did it on my BMX or roller blades. Saturday mornings I would skitch off my dad's shagg'n wagon while chuckin papers at doorsteps. classic 90s!"

• Other: "Valet - who wouldn't want a pimply 16 year old parking their ferrari?"

Ok, did you guys plan this?

• Other: "Corn detassler. Yes, it’s a real thing Midwestern kids do. I was 11, and my dad rented a movie to watch the night before I started, “Children of the Corn.”

• Other: "Detassled corn for Princeton Farms"

And here’s today’s question…

A few ground rules on this one…

• If you use a personal chef, they can only make "kids menu" items for you

• You can still cook anything you want for yourself or have a family member do so

• You also cannot tell other people why you’re really ordering off the kid’s menu (they assume you’re wealthy from a trust fund or something)

🔥 The three types of sports owners explained

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.