💩 McDonald's #2 combo meal

And Starbucks is just happy it isn't McDonald's

Author

Tyler Morin
October 23, 2024

TOGETHER WITH

Autopilot logo

Ready to invest like Nancy Pelosi? Using Autopilot, you can invest alongside top politicians and world-class hedge fund managers right from your phone. Check it out.

Hey there weekday warriors,

It’s hard to think of a worse way to go than ‘food poisoning from a Quarter Pounder.’ And Starbucks just reminded everyone it’s still got a long road to recovery.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 30 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

+ US stocks “recovered from session lows but finished the day mixed as investors digested a recent bond market sell-off and the next wave of earnings reports.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “rose again on Tuesday after Federal Reserve officials urged caution on the path of interest rate cuts.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled higher for the second consecutive session on Tuesday, as traders downplayed hopes of a Middle East ceasefire and focused on signs of improving demand from China, which could tighten market balances in the months ahead.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “dropped on Tuesday, pulling back from recent three-month highs as broader risk aversion- in anticipation of a tight U.S. presidential election- spilled over into cryptocurrency markets.” (Investing)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia -0.8% 2) Tesla -0.4% 3) McDonald’s -0.4% // -5.8% after hours

The market moves you need to know about


+ The only thing more American than financing a 2015 Chevy Silverado for 204 months at 19.25% APY might be GM’s most recent quarter. Shares of GM soared 9.8% after the company beat earnings estimates easily and raised guidance for the year. You dropped this, King.

– For the second quarter in a row Genuine Parts Company (super original name, you guys), the parent company of NAPA Auto Parts, missed expectations and watched its margins deteriorate. And it isn’t expected to pump the brakes any time soon. It also slashed guidance for fiscal ‘24. Shares had their worst day ever, falling by 20.9%.

Invest like a politician

Autopilot

Tired of sitting on the sidelines while politicians and hedge funds have all the fun?

Using Autopilot, you can invest alongside top politicians and world class hedge fund managers right from your phone.

Over $300 million invested and 90,000+ investors love using Autopilot and here’s why


Autopilot makes it easy. Simply connect your own brokerage to Autopilot, so the money never leaves your account, and choose the pilot you want to Autopilot.

As soon as pilot trade activity is public, your brokerage will update to reflect some of the same holdings as your chosen pilots like Michael Burry, Nancy Pelosi, and Warren Buffett.

⚠ Friendly reminder: it’s sponsors (like Autopilot) that keep The Water Coolest free. So check ‘em out.

Oh, and
 investment advice provided by Autopilot Advisers LLC, an SEC registered investment adviser. Past performance does not guarantee future results. Investing carries risks, including the risk of the loss of principal.

McDonald's #2 combo meal

Source: Giphy

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mud butt, you may to be entitled to financial compensation.

It appears that McFlurry machines aren't the only things out of order at McDonald’s (-0.4% // -5.8% after hours). Customers in a handful of states have been dealing with "nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea."

The Centers for Disease Control warned that Quarter Pounders in 10 states in the western US have been linked to an E. Coli outbreak. 49 people have reportedly fallen ill, and one customer died.

Chipotle could not be reached for comment, but they’d presumably say "you gotta pump those numbers up, those are rookie numbers in this racket..." (friendly reminder: Chipotle knows a thing or two about food poisoning).

Per the Golden Arches, the stomach-churning bacteria were traced back to slivered onions sourced from a single supplier in the region. Have no fear
 apparently, you don't have to ditch the onions on other burger variants, because they're "a different type of onion product"... which is concerning in another equally terrifying way.

The company that's making its PR team earn its bonuses sidelined the Quarter Pounder in a handful of states. And threw out the bad batch of onions (hopefully).

Unsurprisingly, McDonald's shares have got a case of the runs. The stock plummeted nearly 10% before recovering some of the losses after hours.

All this comes at a particularly sh*tty (pun intended) time for Mickey D's. The fast-food chain that took the Snack Wrap away from us (people don’t forget) is struggling to win back inflation-wary consumers who were not fans of $18 Big Mac meals (at least it wasn't a Quarter Pounder
).

TS

+ Look on the bright side, Starbucks (+0.3% // -4.1% after hours), at least you didn’t give everyone diarrhea


To be fair, SBUX’s preliminary earnings probably made at least some investors sick to their stomachs. The coffee chain announced that for the third consecutive quarter it would report a drop in sales. Oh, and it tossed out its 2025 guidance like it was a blue-haired barista who started throwing around words like “worker’s rights” and “collective bargaining.”

But it wasn’t all bad news. The company said it will increase its dividend from 57 cents to 61 cents. Plus, Brian Niccol plans to unveil his ‘Back to Starbucks’ plan next week. Spoiler: the comeback plan will re-focus marketing efforts on all customers, not just rewards members. And get this, we might even start getting coffees handed to us again


+ Everyone, after taking one look at former Abercrombie CEO Mike Jeffries: “Guilty as charged.”

It probably shouldn’t come as a shock that the dude who only wanted attractive white people wearing his company’s clothes was a scumbag on multiple fronts.

Jeffries, his romantic partner, and an accomplice were charged with sex trafficking and interstate prostitution yesterday.

During his time as CEO of A&F (1992-2014) MJ and his partner allegedly promised aspiring male models gigs with Abercrombie if they would sleep with them. They also straight up paid guys to fly around the globe to clap cheeks.

Do yourself a favor and go watch “White Hot: The Rise & Fall of Abercrombie & Fitch” if you want to get a sense of Jeffries’ f*ckery.

+ Bad news, fun police
 Philip Morris (+10.4%) is zynevitable.

Shares of the cigarette maker are up nearly 40% year to date and hit a new all-time high yesterday. Investors have the Declaration of Zyndependence to thank.

Zyndiana Jones put the team on its back in the most recent quarter. Sales of Zyn soared 41% vs. the same period last year, helping PM coast to an easy earnings and outlook beat.

+ At the current rate, Peloton will be in every Dollar General by year-end


PTON (+3.1%) announced a partnership with Costco to sling discounted bikes in-store and online. You might recall that Peloton has been expanding its wholesale partnership network to include anyone with an EIN and Stripe account. It already sells at Dick’s and on Amazon.

On a personal note, I do think some cardio would be good for AJ & Big Justice


+ The IRS unveils higher capital gains tax brackets for 2025. *Double checks to make sure it’s for realized gains*

đŸ”„ This is the next big career track at business schools. I’ll save you the click
 it’s OF

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

FWD

âȘ Yesterday GE, Philip Morris, Verizon, Raytheon, Lockheed Martin, Fiserv, 3M, Norfolk Southern, and GM reported before the bell. And Texas Instruments, Costar Group, and Seagate dropped earnings after hours.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on


+ Coca-Cola, Thermo-Fisher, AT&T, Boston Scientific, Boeing, General Dynamics, and Hilton drop earnings this AM

+ Tesla, T-Mobile, IBM, and Servicenow report after the close

EXIT

Yesterday, I asked, “What other non-media company needs to start making original streaming content?”

Raytheon won with 19.6% of the vote. TSA took silver and Walmart walked away with bronze.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)


  • Raytheon: "Give me a "Band of Brothers" for every conflict in American history and I am all the way in”

  • Raytheon: “Live streams of drone strikes? A content library of successful missions? Basically things you can find on YouTube and Twitter (refuse to call it X) but organized in the Raytheon App. USA USA USA”

  • Write in: "Jacks links beef jerky! Those old Sasquatch commercials were hilarious”

  • Raytheon: “America, F@&K YEAH!”

  • Walmart: "We need mouth-breather content."

  • Write in: "Stiga...they make ping pong balls. Think about the possibilities” lol

  • Other: "There's a specific category of content Pfizer could produce to juice V*agra sales."

And here’s today’s question


If you get food poisoning from your favorite restaurant, how long until you go back?

Login or Subscribe to participate in polls.

What did you think about today's newsletter?

Login or Subscribe to participate in polls.

FINE

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.