Hey there weekday warriors,

McDonald’s has a fever and the only prescription is more value meals.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 29 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

BTW, if you had trouble falling asleep last night, or woke up feeling like you didn’t get the rest you needed, you should check out Beam. Their Dream Powder drink mix works wonders. Thank me later.

+ US stocks “rose on Thursday as investors continued to shake off a tough start to September and bought the dip in tech stocks in anticipation of a rate cut by the Federal Reserve next week.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “higher on Thursday as investors reacted to the latest economic data and considered the outlook for interest rates.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “rose over 2% on Thursday as producers assessed the impact on output in the U.S. Gulf of Mexico after Hurricane Francine tore through offshore oil-producing areas before being downgraded to a tropical storm.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “saw volatility into Wall Street open as fresh United States macro data offered mixed signals on inflation.” (TradingView)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +1.9% 2) AST SpaceMobile -3.9% 3) Intuitive Machines +1.2%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Lots of butthurt dudes in this control group. Gilead said its twice-yearly injectable HIV prevention drug led to 96% fewer infections vs. the people who didn’t take it. The company called its drug superior to the daily pill Truvada. Shares of Gilead rose 2.7% on the news.

– Moderna is kinda like Uncle Rico and the pandemic was its years as the All-State high school quarterback. Moderna (friendly reminder: one of the pharmaceutical companies that developed a COVID vaccine) shares are down nearly 90% from their all-time high in 2021. Now, the company said it’s slashing its R&D budget from 2025 to 2028 by 20%. Oof. Shares fell 12.3% on the news.

+ Unity, the maker of software for game developers, jumped 9.8% on news that the company was rolling back a controversial fee related to game installs… and hiking prices of its “per seat” subscriptions.

Start using the CRM that’s 100% free — with something for everyone.

HubSpot offers an intuitive, top-rated custom relationship management platform designed specifically for small businesses. With its user-friendly interface and robust features, you can effortlessly manage leads, track sales performance, and gain a deeper understanding of your customers.

Plus, it allows you to store and manage up to 1,000,000 contacts with no limits on users or customer data, making it a perfect fit for businesses at any stage of growth.

Whether you're just starting out or scaling up, HubSpot's comprehensive set of tools will help you stay on top of customer conversations, close deals faster, and grow your business.

Best of all, HubSpot’s CRM is completely free to use. It’s time to focus on what matters most: your customers. Let HubSpot handle the rest.

⚠️ Imagine scrolling by the ad above without supporting our sponsor. They’re the reason the show goes on.

Click here and check ‘em out.

Putting the ‘value’ in shareholder value

I’ll f*ckin do it again…

McDonald’s (+0.7%) is back remains on its bullsh*t. The real estate company with a fast-food side hustle has renewed its $5 value meal for the second time.

To help re-build its reputation as a “cheap date,” McDonald’s rolled out a $5 meal back in June. In case you treat your body like a temple, the deal includes a burger, fries, nuggets, and a drink. It had already extended the deal through August, and now its franchisees have voted to push it out through December.

You might recall that during its most recent (pretty abysmal) earnings call the Golden Arches said there were early indications of the deal improving sales.

The company is pulling out all the stops…

Zuck had the “year of efficiency.” And Ronald McDonald is having the “summer (and now, autumn) of value.” Make sense since they’re both clowns.

But it’s not just the $5 deal. McD’s is unleashing its entire arsenal of gimmicks and bargains…

App users can score a $0.50 double cheeseburger on National Cheeseburger Day (9/18) and a $2 McCrispy sandwich on National Fried Chicken Sandwich Day. Or if you want to start your weekend off with a little bit of hydrogenated soybean oil, you can check in for Free Fry Fridays.

All the cool kids are doing it…

With consumers spending less on fast food (and everything else), pretty much every chain has hopped on the value train. Starbucks, Dunkin, Sonic, and the BK Lounge have all begun offering their own version of a bargain bundle.

Not unlike how every big tech started culling the herd after it saw how successful it was for Meta…

+ Wells Fargo is the Washington Generals of financial institutions…

WF (-4.0%) literally always finds a way to lose. On Thursday the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency said the bank’s safeguards against money laundering and other illegal sh*t were too lax. This is day one stuff, you guys…

The OCC decided not to fine the bank, presumably because they knew Wells would just scam someone for the money…

Instead, the terrorist organization financial institution will be restricted from expanding into risky business areas. WF will have to seek permission from the US government to begin doing business in “certain medium or high-risk areas” (without offering up any specifics).

You might recall that the bank is still under supervision and subject to restrictions related to its f*ck up of epic proportions (see: the 2016 fake account scandal).

Shares fell more than 4% on the day. And when do we just go all Jon Taffer and shut it down, you guys?

+ Have rich people learned NOTHING from the Titan submarine disaster?

Yesterday, Jared Isaacman and Sarah Gillis became the first two civilians (albeit, billionaire civilians) to take a spacewalk. They spent 7 minutes in space.

They reached the heavens via SpaceX’s Dragon capsule dubbed “Resilience.” Even though it probably would have been a lot cheaper to fly Boeing…

Their mission? Test SpaceX’s new space suit… which appears to have gone swimmingly, given this was the video beamed back down to Earth (and not one of some poor b*stard getting vaporized)….

What else?

+ Adobe stock slips on soft fourth-quarter revenue guidance. Bad news for all the aspiring Beeple’s out there… Photoshop and Illustrator are about to get more expensive…

+ OpenAI Releases New Model With Reasoning Capabilities. *begins using OpenAI in arguments with my wife*

+ Wholesale prices rose 0.2% in August, in line with expectations. Nothing to see here, folks…

+ This college has the highest-paid graduates—it’s not Harvard, Princeton or any Ivy League school. “The school of hard knocks” - the guy who grew up in the Connecticut suburbs

+ There are two types of workers, says billionaire CEO: Throughout your career, try to be both. #1: The drunkest person at the holiday party

+ 9 Reasons this Card is Your Ticket to Your Dream Vacation. Drinks on a flight that you paid for with points just hit different. Change my mind.

+ JPMorgan, Bank of America to crack down on long hours after death of Leo Lukenas — who worked 100 hours per week. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no amount of money is worth risking your health. Seriously.

🔥 One of the world’s largest consulting firms will spy on employee locations as it forces workers back into the office. This is what you get for selling your soul to the devil…

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday, August PPI data dropped and the European Central Bank announced a rate cut.

We also got earnings reports from Kroger and Lovesac yesterday morning. And Adobe and RH after the close.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Not a whole lot going on besides Roblox’s Developer Conference. Sneak out early today, you earned it…

Yesterday, I asked, “How many minutes is ‘late’ to work?”

‘If you're not early, you're late’ won easily. Followed by 16-30 minutes and 11-15 minutes.

Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• As long as you're in before your boss: “I subscribe to the idea that you can never be more late. You are either late or not (binary). Although, I have found it doesn't play well with wives and bosses."

• 60+ minutes: "Work is about collecting a paycheck. Nothing more." Some of us could learn a thing or two from this guy.

• 1 minute: "It is a job, you are an adult - show up on time. Blows my mind how there are people who are constantly late to work." People who would fire me: you.

• 1 minute: "Show up on time c*cksucker." Who hurt you?

Here’s today’s question…

Gonna be a lot of write-ins on this one. Go wild…

+ There’s no such thing as a stupid ques—

🔥 Did Gronk just single-handedly end the September sell-off? You be the judge…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.