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Hey there weekday warriors,

Here’s what we’re getting into today…

• Rent the Runway moons

• Ford is coming for Tesla

• Apple’s yuge day

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 22 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “rose on Thursday as Big Tech stocks led a rebound from a sell-off fueled by Wednesday's surprise uptick in consumer prices.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “flat Thursday as traders parsed through new U.S. inflation data in search of clues on when the Federal Reserve may start cutting interest rates." (CNBC)

+ Oil “settled lower on Thursday as sticky inflation dampened hopes for near-term U.S. interest rate cuts, but worries that Iran might attack Israeli interests kept crude near six-month highs.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “refused to give up $70,000 support into the April 11 Wall Street open as fresh United States macro data boosted the mood.” (TradingView)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +4.1% 2) Apple +4.3% 3) TSMC +0.6%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Freelancer marketplace Fiverr (think: poorly paid “graphic designers” in the Philippines slinging AI-generated logos) rose 7.9% on news that it had authorized a $100M stock repurchase program.

– Shares of CarMax fell 9.2% after it reported brutal earnings for the most recent quarter and pushed back its goal of selling 2M cars annually.

+ Mobile-health ain’t no one pump chump. In just its second day of trading, the telehealth provider soared another 52.2%.

RENT is too damn high

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of Rent the Runway creating unfathomable amounts of shareholder value…

Shares of RENT jumped 120% yesterday.

I know what you’re thinking… “Isn’t that the company that completed a 1-for-20 reverse stock split to remain in compliance with the Nasdaq’s minimum stonk price last week?”

The answer is yes.

But its fortunes appear to have changed after reporting an admittedly, pretty mediocre quarter on Wednesday after the close. The DTC brand, which probably should have just stayed private, beat on the top line, but missed on the bottom.

So why is everyone so excited?

Because Rent the Runway entered a cheat code…

During its earnings call, it made some lofty promises about the future. Including some about building “enhanced discovery features like rental look, AI search, new filtering and upgraded photography and styling.” Name two letters in the English language more powerful than AI. I’ll wait…

Plus, CEO Jennifer Hyman told the world the company is “turning a corner.” I mean, it couldn’t get much worse.

Investors are also loving that RENT thinks revenue will increase between 1% and 6% in 2024 (imagine if you offered that sort of range in any other context: “Yeah, my d*ck is between 1 and 6 inches…”).

How did @TheArbFather make $10,000+ profit in February?

His secret sauce: Arbitrage betting.

Instead of getting bettings tips from slick-talking handicappers, TheArbFather bets on both sides of an outcome to guarantee a risk-free return. An example of this is betting on a game total to be over 224.5 AND under 224.5.

This might sound too good to be true, but the reason this can happen is sportsbooks set their lines for games independently. Sometimes, they make mistakes and there are situations where FanDuel’s odds are different from DraftKings’ odds.

Unless you are a PhD-wielding, Python-coding, Excel-Wizard… finding arbitrage opportunities consistently has been out of reach. Until now…

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+ “It could've been worse” is probably the best way to describe yesterday's Producer Price Index (read: inflation) print…

Wholesale prices jumped 0.2% month over month, below estimates of 0.3%. That’s the good news…

The bad news? On a 12-month basis, PPI jumped 2.1%, the biggest increase since early 2023.

And you know what that means. The Fed’s case for not cutting rates just got that much stronger…

+ Ford (0.1%) has officially f*cked around, and in all likelihood is about to find out…

Jim Farley and Co. are coming for Elon’s crown, with discounts directed at Tesla owners. How can I be so sure? Well, the $1,500 rebates deployed to dealerships are literally called “Tesla Competitive Conquest Bonus Cash.”

The deal is available for Tesla owners interested in the F-150 lightning… as if consumers needed more incentive to choose an F-150 over the Cybertruck.

Just in case it wasn’t abundantly clear that Ford is declaring war on Tesla, the OG automaker announced that it is once again slashing prices on the Lightning.

Interestingly enough, Rivian was the biggest loser. Shares fell nearly 7% on fears that increased Ford sales could dent already brutal R1T pickup sales.

+ “Sike!” - Tim Cook pretending he was just kidding about his pivot to robots after analysts pointed to Apple’s AI potential

Apple (+4.3%) just had its biggest day since mid-2023. It was hit by a perfect storm of good news…

JPMorgan said that hedge funds’ sentiment on Apple is shifting, thanks largely to its attractive entry point (read: it’s been beaten down). The masters of the universe also seem pretty bulled up about future AI endeavors. Spoiler: Tim Cook recently teased some big AI innovations.

It probably didn’t hurt that Bloomberg reported (read: Apple planted a report) that its child laborers are working on MacBooks with next-gen M4 chips. They’ll be optimized to handle… you guessed it… AI applications.

+ SoundCloud walked, so Spotify (+1.1%) could run.

The streaming app that has bent over and had its way with the music industry said it is planning to roll out new remixing tools. So now even your friends who aren’t Bar Mitzvah DJs will send links to remixes and ask, “what do you think, bro?”

Users will be able to speed up or slow down songs (think: listening to podcasts at 2x speed). And more advanced features will let subscribers mash up songs, like, say, Taylor and Kanye.

Spotify’s angle? More engagement… and by that I mean more revenue.

+ Former NFL star reflects on past financial mistakes, issues warning to current players: 'It's a short career' (Read)

+ You can boost your bank account in these 6 unusual ways (Read)

+ For Ivy League Rejects, Public School Is Next-Best Bet (Read)

BTW, some of these include affiliate partnerships.

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ It’s that time again, ladies and gentlemen… JPMorgan Chase, Wells Fargo, BlackRock, and Citigroup report

+ The U of M Consumer Sentiment Index drops

Here’s today’s question…

Friendly reminder: every month, I’ll donate $1 to charity for every valid TWC referral. This month we’re donating to the Shriner’s Hospital for Children.

There are still a few days before this month’s cutoff (the 15th) to do God’s work, so…

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Share your unique referral link (below) with anyone you think might be interested in The Water Coolest. You can email it, post it on social, etc. Get creative.

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Oh, and…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional