Hey there weekday warriors,

ICYMI, yesterday I officially launched THE FUCK Z*CK WATER COOLEST REFERRAL PROGRAM.

I decided that instead of paying money to Zuck to grow TWC (via FB and IG ads), I’d rather bribe you guys with cash and prizes.

So, for every subscriber you refer to TWC, you can get…

1) Prizes, like TWC swag and exclusive content (see below)

AND

2) A $1 donation (per referral)

Here’s a breakdown of the referral prizes…

To start referring, just share your unique link (below) with anyone you think might be interested in The Water Coolest. You can email it, post it on social, etc. Get creative.

Ok, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• Elon vs. Sam Altman

• Macy’s gets a takeover offer

• Boeing’s acquisition target

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 34 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “finished higher Friday, with the S&P 500 and Nasdaq Composite rising to records.” (MarketWatch)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “declined Friday as investors digested fresh economic data and assessed how they could impact future Federal Reserve monetary policy moves." (CNBC)

+ Oil prices “rose 2% on Friday and posted weekly gains as traders awaited an OPEC+ decision on supply agreements for the second quarter while also weighing fresh U.S., European and Chinese economic data.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin’s marched higher over the weekend, breaking $63k on Sunday.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Super Micro Computer +4.5% AH: +12.5% 2) Nvidia +4.0% 3) C3.ai -2.9%

The market moves you need to know about…

+ Shares of Dell mooned 31.6% Friday after reporting demand was sky-high for its AI-optimized servers during its earnings call.

– New York Community Bank plummeted 25.8% following news that it had refiled its Q4 earnings. This time around it showed a much bigger loss and flagged its piss-poor internal controls. Oh, and it replaced its CEO.

Revenge of the nerd

Who needs Zuck vs. Elon at the Colosseum when you can have Sam Altman vs. Elon on the internet?

Just when you thought the plot of the Sam Altman biopic couldn’t thicken anymore, Elon comes off the top rope. On Friday, Elon filed a lawsuit against Sam and OpenAI for breaking their promise to the human race. I sh*t you not.

The suit alleges that Altman and Co. abandoned OpenAI’s founding mission of developing generative AI for “the benefit of humanity broadly.”

Elon’s lawsuit pointed out that OpenAI’s website still markets it as a company created to make the world a better place. But in reality, it’s just “a closed-source de facto subsidiary of the largest technology company in the world: Microsoft.”

Shots fired.

A quick history lesson…

Elon was an early investor/cofounder (depending on who you ask) of OpenAI back in 2015 when it was still a non-profit. He allegedly stepped away after calling the AI they were developing “potentially more dangerous than nukes.”

Of course, between then and now, Elon launched his own AI startup. Which, surely, has nothing to do with the legal maneuver…

What to keep an eye on… Elon might not even be OpenAI and Microsoft’s biggest headache. Legally at least. The companies are getting tag-teamed by regulators.

They are dealing with an antitrust investigation in the EU related to MSFT’s massive investment in OpenAI. And on this side of the pond, the SEC is having a look at the clusterf*ck that was Sam Altman’s firing and re-hiring at OpenAI.

+ Mark Cuban shares 1 thing he wishes he’d done differently: ‘That’s not being old. That’s being wise’ (Read)

+ Couple earns up to $70,000 a month, still feels stressed about money: ‘We’re not broke, but it feels like we are’ (Read)

~ ICYMI... Sam Bankman-Fried reportedly gives crypto tips to Brooklyn jail guards — here’s his top pick (Read)

+ Arkhouse and Brigade just won’t take no for an answer…

The two funds just increased their offer to acquire Macy’s to $24 per share. That would value the retailer at $6.6B. You might recall that Arkhouse and Brigade offered $21 per share for the storied brick-and-mortar retailer back in December. Macy’s went all “hard pass,” claiming the offer was too low.

Of course, Arkhouse has a pretty airtight backup plan. In February, it launched a proxy fight to win some Macy’s board seats.

Last week the retail giant (that’s just delaying the inevitable, if we’re being totally honest) mounted a counterattack, rolling out a restructuring plan that would shutter more than 150 stores… and show it’s still got a little fight left in it.

+ Listen, Boeing CEO David Calhoun would never pass the blame for the Alaska Airlines door plug blowout. But if he had to, he’d definitely throw Spirit Aerosystems under the (air)bus…

Friendly reminder: Spirit is the company that makes Boeing’s fuselages… like, you know, the one that malfunctioned mid-flight. And, fun fact, the plane maker actually owned Spirit until 2005 when it spun it off.

Now it wants it back. Boeing said Friday it’s in talks to acquire Spirit Aerosystems.

And just in case it wasn’t abundantly clear what Boeing is trying to do, I’ll just leave the company’s statement right here: “We believe that the reintegration of Boeing and Spirit AeroSystems’ manufacturing operations would further strengthen aviation safety, improve quality and serve the interests of our customers, employees, and shareholders.”

+ Today in things that would rack up upvotes in the Mildly Infuriating Subreddit: having invested in Reddit at a $10B valuation in 2021, and it IPO’ing at a $6.5B valuation in 2024.

To be fair, it could be worse, original estimates pegged the platform’s value at ~$5B. “A person familiar with the matter” expects the company to price its shares between $31 and $34 when it makes its public debut this month.

In case you were wondering, that would value Sam Altman’s $50M investment in the app at ~$400M.

+ Bah gawd, that’s SMCI’s music. Super Micro Computer just got called up to the big leagues. The company, which has been one of the biggest beneficiaries of the AI boom (not named Nvidia), just got the invite to the S&P 500. It’ll replace Whirlpool.

Joining the S&P 500 is a big f*cking deal because of the sheer volume of dollars that track the index. Asset managers buy shares to rebalance their funds when a new challenger enters the arena, which could (read: will) put upward pressure on the stonk.

+ In perhaps the least surprising news of all time, Nvidia’s market cap held above $2T at the close on Friday for the first time ever. Do I really need to explain how we got here?

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ Sea Limited, GitLab, and Stitch Fix report. Spoiler: things could get really, really dicey for Stitch Fix if it isn’t able to show that it’s getting its sh*t together.

Friday I asked, “What’s your go-to AI chatbot?”

63.2% of weekday warriors chose the OG (ChatGPT). Google Gemini came in (a very distant) second.

Here’s today’s question…

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